Venting
I've never been one to not just come right out and say something to someone when there's something bothering me about them. However, I'm having an issue with a friend right now and I'm not to a place where I'd be able to say something without freaking out. So, in order to keep from going insane, I'm going to vent on my lj. She doesn't read or know about this blog, so I can have my shit fit here and just get some of it out and then form a way to actually talk to her about it without getting all psycho.
About 3 months ago, I started hanging out with someone that I work with. I generally don't have female friends because, inevitably the relationship turns very high school and well, I got out of high school a loooonnnngggg time ago and I just don't need to revisit that mindset EVER again. D. (as she'll be referred to here) is completely boy crazy. She's fresh out of a marriage (her second, to the same person) and not even to the point where anything is finalized, IE: a divorce or annullment, but she's already working her way well into a new relationship. When we first started hanging out, we had normal conversations. We could talk about anything and it never felt forced or anything along those lines. It was very cool. Until her crush and boy craziness entered the picture that is. In less than a month's time, she went from being someone I could have a great time just hanging out with to someone who can do NOTHING but talk about this new fling and hypothesize about where their relationship might go. It's quite possibly the most annoying, aggravating thing I've ever seen or taken part in in my life. D is definitely the epitome of the girl who can't be single. She needs to have a man in her life pretty much at all times, even though she knows she would benefit greatly from learning how to be single. All of her self esteem revolves around being cute and how men see her. Every conversation we have had in the last week has been about N (her new crush, bf, whatever the hell you want to call him) and trying to figure out if he likes her and how she can flirt with him more and all this happy horseshit. Over the weekend, she went to a party at his house and they hooked up. Now, all she can talk about is wanting to sleep with him and trying to figure out if the relationship will go anywhere. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!!
I am sorry, but I can't deal with it. I'm sick of talking about N all the time and trying to formulate some bullshit plan to get them together. She knows nothing about him really, but she's already to the point of thinking if she can get him to "accept God" because she's Christian and he's Agnostic. HELLO!?!? You just hooked up with him ONE NIGHT and already we're planning on converting his belief system?! Argh!
The whole situation just has me so annoyed and befuddled I can't see straight. This is why I have NEVER wanted to be a "typical" female. There isn't one part of me that is boy crazy, much less do I feel any need to be in a relationship all the time. Granted, I'm lonely and look forward to dating again, but there is so much more to my life than just that. N is D's first and only thought these days. There's no talk about what she would like to do with her life and kids anymore, all it is is N, N, N 24/7. So, how do you approach this kind of conversation with someone?? Do you come right out with it and say "I don't think you're really paying attention to the things you should be right now" or something along those lines? Or, do you stand back and just hope it dies down and bite your tongue? I don't know how to deal with the situation at all and a good part of me really just wants to remove myself from it completely.
The breaking point for me, where this is concerned, came last night. My bipolar has been triggering and I needed someone to talk to last night. So, I opted to try and talk to her about it. Yeah, I literally got about 3 sentences of feedback from her and then I got, literally, 3 screens full of her im conversation with N. Big red flag that not only is she boy crazy, but she's selfish and I'm seriously wondering now if this is someone I can have in my life as a friend. I have to get my life in order (and she does too, if only for her kids) and I just feel like having someone in my life that their focal point is ONLY men and being in a relationship isn't something that I'm going to benefit from at all. I want to talk to her about it, but it's going to open a can of worms and all she's going to hear from it are the negatives and not that I think she's hurting herself more than helping.
Argh! It's so annoying and just reaffirms to me that I'm not destined to have many female friends in my life. I don't want to be friends with people who are just adult versions of high school girls. I want people in my life that have a focus and idea of where they want to go in their lives. People who can have conversations about anything, not just men, sex and the like. I want to have people in my life who aren't constantly focused on the next man or husband. I went through the great husband hunt with my mother for far too many years to go through it with people I'm not even related to.
So, there's where I'm at right now. It's eventually going to get to the point where I talk to her about this or just freak out one day when she brings it up again. Beh, I should have stuck with just have male friends. Men are so much easier to be friends with.