of mice and men... literally :D
"Desire me so deeply
Drain and kick me hard
Whisper secrets for me
Try to go too far
Inside, where it's warm
Wrap myself in you
Outside, where I'm torn
Find myself in two
Into
You..."
Haven't talked to Fred yet. Want to because I'm curious and because I'd enjoy it if he admitted that he feels affection toward me, but I don't know when I'll get the chance. I wonder what I should do?
I doubt he'll change anything, but he's also not an asshole or a creep. He's just... driven. Relentlessly focused. Centered on himself, his future, and how he is going to get there. Occasionally he focuses on me and when he does it is is utterly bewildering, but also thrilling and gratifying all at the same time. I could whisper, "Fred, I'm pregnant with your father's babies" and I don't think he'd blink an eye because he was so busy staring at me, deaf and completely absorbed in the moment, completely absorbed in me. I find this both sexy and goofy. I grin into his mouth when we are kissing and he grins back without knowing why.
And so I would like to keep him around because he is warm and breathing and when he holds me his embrace is protective and sure. But I do not want to keep him around if he treats me this way only 50% of the time, or if he considers non-committment 'relationships' to be non-thoughtfulness situations. I honestly believe it hasn't occurred to him to be affectionate as I define it because I've never complained, protested, or otherwise indicated I was anything other than content and amused, but it's time I did. We'll see what happens.
Either way, I feel surprisingly free, like I just tore open a spatious cardboard box I hadn't realized I was sitting in.
Hm, and Snow Patrol just say lyrics that seem to apply:
"And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head."
Granted, I probably know a lot more about the stars and the seas than the average Joe, but Fred's head is ubermysterious to me.
Perhaps the fact that he's 6'5" makes it hard from my lil 5'7" head to pick up the broadcasts emanating from way up there? :P
---
Anyway, I am enjoying this weekend so far. Work got cancelled today and so I have deemed today my 'be productive' day. Obviously this large LJ tangent is not a good thing given that, but at least I have already run numerous errands and scratched several things off of my to-do list. Now I need to go get the rest of my laundry out of the drier, make my bed and put my room back in order, and genuinely get started on the colossal Comm 367 homework I have been dreading. I am trying to build up strength for the long-ass walk to Oxley Hall in the cold. My room is freezing right now!
Tonight I am going to celebrate Chinese New Year's [Eve] with Weifers, Jing-jing, and whoever else goes. I just bought a bag of oranges and Weifei has some sort of ominous-looking stew. Jing-jing will also be cooking special traditional foods, so we should be eating well tonight. :)
Needless to say I am pretty excited about this whole deal because I've never before celebrated the Chinese New Year! Life can never have enough holidays, especially ones that come from Weifei-land. :) Cleaning my room is part of my observance of New Year, as is the fact I am wearing bright red, as is the fact I made sure to put flowers in my room and hope to make some decorations with Weifei. Ooh and I also used it as an excuse to get candy because sweets now indicate a sweet new year. :) I must make sure to honour my Ancestors extra much tonight.
After that we may watch crazy Chinese movies or I may go out with somebody else... perhaps Anjali, although I think she wants her and I to go hit the town tomorrow night. (We are both having problems with unsatisfactory boys, which means we need to find new ones. :)) I hope writing all these damn papers doesn't clog up my weekend too badly.
Now, more randomness.
---
On Tuesday Jing-jing gave Barwick and I tickets for a special pre-screening of the movie Breach. It was bad-ass. The main actor is ridiculously hot. You guys have to see it!
---
I finally went to North Market this week. It is magical. And expensive. :(
Which reminds me: where I can get cloth grocery bags?
---
Last night I got TWO MICE! They are cute little brown females, born to wild mice and whole tons of trouble. They haven't emerged from their coconut-buried-in-pink-fluffies all day, but last night they were very enthusiastic... yeah. I think I gave them way too much cage fluff, and yet it's so fucking cold in here perhaps that was for the best.
So far their names are Nanami and Pi[ka]chu (wikipedia Pichu... oh such a pun!), but I haven't told them yet so names can still be changed if people have more ideas. But so far so good. Mike and I had fun chasing Pichu all over my room last night. :)
Pics later, when I have more time.
Drain and kick me hard
Whisper secrets for me
Try to go too far
Inside, where it's warm
Wrap myself in you
Outside, where I'm torn
Find myself in two
Into
You..."
Haven't talked to Fred yet. Want to because I'm curious and because I'd enjoy it if he admitted that he feels affection toward me, but I don't know when I'll get the chance. I wonder what I should do?
I doubt he'll change anything, but he's also not an asshole or a creep. He's just... driven. Relentlessly focused. Centered on himself, his future, and how he is going to get there. Occasionally he focuses on me and when he does it is is utterly bewildering, but also thrilling and gratifying all at the same time. I could whisper, "Fred, I'm pregnant with your father's babies" and I don't think he'd blink an eye because he was so busy staring at me, deaf and completely absorbed in the moment, completely absorbed in me. I find this both sexy and goofy. I grin into his mouth when we are kissing and he grins back without knowing why.
And so I would like to keep him around because he is warm and breathing and when he holds me his embrace is protective and sure. But I do not want to keep him around if he treats me this way only 50% of the time, or if he considers non-committment 'relationships' to be non-thoughtfulness situations. I honestly believe it hasn't occurred to him to be affectionate as I define it because I've never complained, protested, or otherwise indicated I was anything other than content and amused, but it's time I did. We'll see what happens.
Either way, I feel surprisingly free, like I just tore open a spatious cardboard box I hadn't realized I was sitting in.
Hm, and Snow Patrol just say lyrics that seem to apply:
"And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head."
Granted, I probably know a lot more about the stars and the seas than the average Joe, but Fred's head is ubermysterious to me.
Perhaps the fact that he's 6'5" makes it hard from my lil 5'7" head to pick up the broadcasts emanating from way up there? :P
---
Anyway, I am enjoying this weekend so far. Work got cancelled today and so I have deemed today my 'be productive' day. Obviously this large LJ tangent is not a good thing given that, but at least I have already run numerous errands and scratched several things off of my to-do list. Now I need to go get the rest of my laundry out of the drier, make my bed and put my room back in order, and genuinely get started on the colossal Comm 367 homework I have been dreading. I am trying to build up strength for the long-ass walk to Oxley Hall in the cold. My room is freezing right now!
Tonight I am going to celebrate Chinese New Year's [Eve] with Weifers, Jing-jing, and whoever else goes. I just bought a bag of oranges and Weifei has some sort of ominous-looking stew. Jing-jing will also be cooking special traditional foods, so we should be eating well tonight. :)
Needless to say I am pretty excited about this whole deal because I've never before celebrated the Chinese New Year! Life can never have enough holidays, especially ones that come from Weifei-land. :) Cleaning my room is part of my observance of New Year, as is the fact I am wearing bright red, as is the fact I made sure to put flowers in my room and hope to make some decorations with Weifei. Ooh and I also used it as an excuse to get candy because sweets now indicate a sweet new year. :) I must make sure to honour my Ancestors extra much tonight.
After that we may watch crazy Chinese movies or I may go out with somebody else... perhaps Anjali, although I think she wants her and I to go hit the town tomorrow night. (We are both having problems with unsatisfactory boys, which means we need to find new ones. :)) I hope writing all these damn papers doesn't clog up my weekend too badly.
Now, more randomness.
---
On Tuesday Jing-jing gave Barwick and I tickets for a special pre-screening of the movie Breach. It was bad-ass. The main actor is ridiculously hot. You guys have to see it!
---
I finally went to North Market this week. It is magical. And expensive. :(
Which reminds me: where I can get cloth grocery bags?
---
Last night I got TWO MICE! They are cute little brown females, born to wild mice and whole tons of trouble. They haven't emerged from their coconut-buried-in-pink-fluffies all day, but last night they were very enthusiastic... yeah. I think I gave them way too much cage fluff, and yet it's so fucking cold in here perhaps that was for the best.
So far their names are Nanami and Pi[ka]chu (wikipedia Pichu... oh such a pun!), but I haven't told them yet so names can still be changed if people have more ideas. But so far so good. Mike and I had fun chasing Pichu all over my room last night. :)
Pics later, when I have more time.