treasured little bird...
I got to fulfill my dream of holding a tiny wild bird today. It was every bit as small and soft and warm and trembly as I imagined such a creature would be. It was completely stunned from the playful attacks of our neighbor's mischievous cat, which had not hurt the bird but was violently pouncing and batting at it when we got there. I cannot explain how saving this bird made me feel. I cannot explain how much... such a moment meant to me.
It was a small brown sparrow of some sort, not at all speckled but smooth and soft. It had ridiculously tiny wings and I had to wonder how it managed to fly. I carried it across the street to a sheltered camouflage-y place behind a neighbor's picket fence, and there I paused for a moment and watched it reluctantly huddle on my palm. After a few minutes, it awkwardly fluttered from my hand to the ground and huddled there instead, and Ash and I watched it with sympathetic eyes a minute longer before going inside.
It was one small incident in a crazy eventful week. It was a tiny spark of goodness amid everything bad. Betrayal, abandonment, heartbreak, frustration, grief, rage, impatience, and fear... all of these things faded away in this moment and all I cared about was this vulnerable little bird. Nothing seemed more important than keeping it safe. My heart ached desperately at the open fear in its liquid black eyes. It's funny, but I somehow seriously felt consumed with love for this creature the minute I touched it, even though I had never seen it before and probably never would again.
I knew it would be sheltered and hidden where I put it and Ash and I both knew it shouldn't come inside. Despite that, some part of me can't help but worry about that tiny little bird right now. It's a good worry, though, something pure and logical and good-hearted, a worry not born of manipulation or insecurity but rather of good sincere love. I find my heart attaching to it, prioritizing it over all other worries. I recognize this as a self-defense tactic. I feel grateful and relieved instead of annoyed.
I do not ask for much in this world. I find, increasingly, that I get even less. But sometimes, some things happen to me that are far beyond asking or praying, things that are all-and-all good in a way that nothing pre-planned could ever be. This kind of goodness is never contrived... it's untaintable. It's inherently perfect.
Pray for my little brown bird tonight.
I think we saved each other.
It was a small brown sparrow of some sort, not at all speckled but smooth and soft. It had ridiculously tiny wings and I had to wonder how it managed to fly. I carried it across the street to a sheltered camouflage-y place behind a neighbor's picket fence, and there I paused for a moment and watched it reluctantly huddle on my palm. After a few minutes, it awkwardly fluttered from my hand to the ground and huddled there instead, and Ash and I watched it with sympathetic eyes a minute longer before going inside.
It was one small incident in a crazy eventful week. It was a tiny spark of goodness amid everything bad. Betrayal, abandonment, heartbreak, frustration, grief, rage, impatience, and fear... all of these things faded away in this moment and all I cared about was this vulnerable little bird. Nothing seemed more important than keeping it safe. My heart ached desperately at the open fear in its liquid black eyes. It's funny, but I somehow seriously felt consumed with love for this creature the minute I touched it, even though I had never seen it before and probably never would again.
I knew it would be sheltered and hidden where I put it and Ash and I both knew it shouldn't come inside. Despite that, some part of me can't help but worry about that tiny little bird right now. It's a good worry, though, something pure and logical and good-hearted, a worry not born of manipulation or insecurity but rather of good sincere love. I find my heart attaching to it, prioritizing it over all other worries. I recognize this as a self-defense tactic. I feel grateful and relieved instead of annoyed.
I do not ask for much in this world. I find, increasingly, that I get even less. But sometimes, some things happen to me that are far beyond asking or praying, things that are all-and-all good in a way that nothing pre-planned could ever be. This kind of goodness is never contrived... it's untaintable. It's inherently perfect.
Pray for my little brown bird tonight.
I think we saved each other.