Going with the flow
It's been almost 10 months now since she's come back into my life. I knew her in my thirties and into my early forties. I'm 54 now, she's 40. Every so often I'd search for her on-line, never really expecting to find her. I missed her so much!!! You never know the last time you'll ever see someone, be it a family member or friend. I knew that night it was goodbye, but until after the most amazing hug of my life, I didn't realize just how final it might be. I kept going back to places I knew she used to be, knowing I'd never see her there. During the months and years ahead I hoped to see her just once more, to talk over old times, to hear her voice again and to look into her eyes. We were never a thing; she was just too beautiful, I was too shy. She was a good talker, I was a good listener. She was a shiny star, and her light and warmth lit my soul. After coming to a dead-end in my life, I searched for her again. To my surprise, to my delight, I actually found her!! Our first e-mails were just so amazing, she matched and surpassed me in her writing and length of e-mails. I was beside myself wanting to see her again. I couldn't believe my luck, it was one of the most joyful moments of my life.
To make a very long story short, she was in a bad marriage, she wanted out for many years but didn't know how. They had already done the separation thing a couple times, then back together again, then just a period of being numb to it all. They had 2 children together, 2 boys under 12.
We met for lunch or met at the mall several times (seeing her again for the first time was out of this world!!!). We continued to write, talk on the phone and met here and there. One day she told me she was packing up and moving out, and that's what she did! She didn't leave because of me or any romance between us, although maybe it was comforting that she had a supportive friend.
She deserved so much more than a dead-end loveless marriage.
Fast forward to now. I had hoped for a spark between us, something more than just best-buds as she put it. I put my heart on the line and told her I loved her, told her how much she meant to me. I also showed her that love, put that word into action, but some things are never meant to be I guess. I also knew, still know, that going through a divorce is a trying time. So after some tears and reconfigurations of our friendship, I feel on solid ground with her being a good friend again. I can't help wanting more, but for now I'm just happy we're such good friends.
I just had the most amazing day with her and her boys. She is such an amazing mother. I'm finding out too, that maybe I could be a somewhat good step-father (not that I am). I'm trying my best to just go with the flow, to take in all the laughter between us, to be grateful for each extra day with her. Who knows what may happen, but maybe once a friend, always a friend. All I know, is that I'm for the most part happy. There are days I ache for more, I've lived single all my life and it would be nice to know what being a couple was like. I want to love her and be loved back. Isn't it something that I hoped for just a few more minutes with her and now those minutes have turned into days and I still want more. I wish I knew how to win her heart and not lose this amazing friendship.
To make a very long story short, she was in a bad marriage, she wanted out for many years but didn't know how. They had already done the separation thing a couple times, then back together again, then just a period of being numb to it all. They had 2 children together, 2 boys under 12.
We met for lunch or met at the mall several times (seeing her again for the first time was out of this world!!!). We continued to write, talk on the phone and met here and there. One day she told me she was packing up and moving out, and that's what she did! She didn't leave because of me or any romance between us, although maybe it was comforting that she had a supportive friend.
She deserved so much more than a dead-end loveless marriage.
Fast forward to now. I had hoped for a spark between us, something more than just best-buds as she put it. I put my heart on the line and told her I loved her, told her how much she meant to me. I also showed her that love, put that word into action, but some things are never meant to be I guess. I also knew, still know, that going through a divorce is a trying time. So after some tears and reconfigurations of our friendship, I feel on solid ground with her being a good friend again. I can't help wanting more, but for now I'm just happy we're such good friends.
I just had the most amazing day with her and her boys. She is such an amazing mother. I'm finding out too, that maybe I could be a somewhat good step-father (not that I am). I'm trying my best to just go with the flow, to take in all the laughter between us, to be grateful for each extra day with her. Who knows what may happen, but maybe once a friend, always a friend. All I know, is that I'm for the most part happy. There are days I ache for more, I've lived single all my life and it would be nice to know what being a couple was like. I want to love her and be loved back. Isn't it something that I hoped for just a few more minutes with her and now those minutes have turned into days and I still want more. I wish I knew how to win her heart and not lose this amazing friendship.