FIC: "Cursed", J2, R, 1/2
Title: Cursed
Fandom/pairing: Spn RPS, Jared/Jensen (first-time)
Written by: ellydee27
Rating:Adult
Summary: Jared’s not feeling too good, all of the sudden craving food and…other things…desperately. Suspicion rises that something supernatural is going on, but what, how and why? With Jensen’s help, he tries to find answers before it’s too late.
Warnings: M/m sexual concepts, mention of thoughts of suicide.
Author’s notes: This is my contribution to the J2 fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders! ladyrhyanne won me, and gave me a very detailed prompt- hope this is close to what you wanted, honey.
Author’s notes 2: This story is finished but will be posted in two parts, one today, and one tomorrow. Also, I never thought I’d write anything like this, so feedback is especially appreciated this time!
Hope you enjoy :)
Jared’s always loved his food, sure, and candy even more so, but after four days of uncontrollable hunger he’s starting to wonder what the hell is going on. He’s having lunch with Jensen, on set, when he notices Jensen’s questioning stare - somewhere between amused, appalled and shocked.
”Dude…” he simply says, even that one word excessive between the two of them.
”Yeah, I don’t know, I’m just…starving!” Jared tries to explain, diving into his third sandwich like it’s been three days since his last meal, not…two hours.
”You’re not going through another growth-spurt, right?” Jensen’s eyebrow raises skeptically, a hint of amusement making the corner of his mouth twitch.
”Funny, no seriously, man, I don’t know what’s going on, it’s really…weird.” Frustration colors his voice, his free arm gesturing while he’s wolfing down his food.
Jensen’s posture changes as he turns into the genuine, concerned friend instead of his mocking buddy. ”I’m sorry, Jay, I didn’t realize…do you think you should see a doctor or something? I mean…it’s been like four days of this, hasn’t it?”
”I dunno, I guess…I didn’t feel too good when we left set after that night-shoot, yeah, guess that was four days ago?”
”Yeah, the scene with the witches that took all night. Damn guest stars,” Jensen mumbles, remembering the shoot that went far over the schedule because the actresses who played witches kept messing up the lines.
”I know, and I had to get up to eat that night so maybe…really think I need a doctor?”
”Couldn’t hurt, could it?” Another look of genuine concern flashes over Jensen’s features, and finally, that’s what settles it for Jared.
A visit to the doctor reveals nothing though, apart from a slightly raised blood pressure everything’s supposedly fine, and the doctor leaves him with the advice of making sure he eats proper food and maybe lay off his intense work-out regime for a while.
And he does, but the hunger doesn’t dissipate, and in addition, over the next days, he gets another craving…one he can’t even tell his housemate about.
~~*~~
Jared’s never been the promiscuous type, always happy as a serial monogamist, dealing with long-distance-relationships the way he figure everyone does: making friends with his right hand. And after the recent break up, caused by his realization that a certain friend of his means more to him than a girl ever could, he’s not had a problem with going without.
But after his visit to the Doc’s he gets a itching sensation that doesn’t even fade with the gulfing down of two double hamburgers, two big portions of French fries and a jumbo Coke. His hands are twitching restlessly, a sense of tingling need scratching against his skin, a definitive pull in his nether-regions telling him what it is his body is screaming for.
Sex.
~~*~~
Even with his distinct lack of experience in hooking up with random strangers in a bar, Jared doesn’t find it all that hard. He knew there was a gay scene in Vancouver, after he’d randomly and stupidly come out to Dennis in the crew at a party, only because he was the only gay person Jared knew up here, and because alcohol made him do stupid things.
Ten minutes after he’s walked into the bar, he’s found a willing mouth, and five minutes after that, he’s emptying himself down some stranger’s throat, groaning out his relief. There’s a level of shame involved, and guilt, as he knows he won’t return the favor- the whole ”being gay” -thing still too new for him to be able to do so. With an apologetic shrug he shuffles away from the man on his knees before him, another surge of relief running through him when the guy just grins at him, as if it’s not a big deal.
He’s still flushed with a mixture of release, excitement, shame and nerves when he enters the house thirty minutes later, mumbling a brief ”hello, I’ve been out, goodnight”- greeting before heading for his bedroom for a night of restless sleep.
It continues on like that for a week, desperation, need and pure horniness sizzling underneath his skin, making his blood boil and his concentration go down the drain, nothing but the need for release on his mind, filling his every thought. Every night he finds someone new, and as the week progresses, he finds less and less relief in every climax.
Finally, he snaps on set, tension making him irate, frustration taking it’s toll and forcing him to break his rule of no on-set-hookups. Dennis has been sending him these looks, and when they break for lunch, it doesn’t take more than a few choice words and a raised eyebrow in invitation. They rush off to the trailer and it’s another blowjob, another orgasm, another brief reprieve from the incessant need crawling inside him.
Afterwards, he’s ashamed, embarrassed by his own lack of control, but at the same time he feels like it’s out of his hands; the desperation turning him into a creature of instinct and not the considerate person he’s always been.
~~*~~
When Jared arrives on set the day after, he looks for Dennis, not sure if he wants to apologize or ask for a repeat performance. He’d been out again the night before, found another willing mouth in another bar, but as soon as he woke up he’d been craving it again - his own hand in the shower doing nothing to soothe his racing heart.
”Dude, do you know where Dennis is?” He asks Jensen when they’ve got ten minutes off, waiting for the lighting crew to be ready.
”Well yeah, he’s in the hospital, some kind of weird food poisoning or something,” Jensen’s furrowed brows revealing his confusion at Jared’s incessant tone.
”What? Is he okay?” They’ve never been that close to Dennis, and Jared knows he’s coming off too invested, but Jensen’s used to him caring, used to him being emotional, so he’s hoping it doesn’t tell too much.
”I don’t know, he seemed fine yesterday, didn’t he? Can’t be that serious…” It’s obvious Jensen’s trying to figure out what’s going on, a searching looks on his features. ”Are you…I mean, is there something between you or something?”
”What? No!” Jared’s voice is too loud, close to shrieking even, and he tries to settle down, forcing himself to relax. ”No, I mean…no. I just, I…talked to him yesterday and he was fine, that’s all.”
”Okay…” Skepticism is layered thick in Jensen’s voice, but he nods once, like he’s decided to overlook his doubts. ”But you would tell me if there was right? I mean…” Jensen gestures helplessly, but Jared understands what he’s trying to say.
It’s close to six months since Jared came out to him, and so far that’s the one and only time they’ve discussed it. Jensen’s sometimes tried to point out guys to him when they’ve been out- guys who supposedly were ”checking him out”. Jared had shrugged and changed the subject every time, because he might be gay, or he might be bi, the only thing he knows for sure is that there’s only one person he wants.
And that’s Jensen. His best friend. His gorgeous, funny, laidback, smart, talented straight best friend.
”Yeah, I’d tell you, I just…I’m worried, okay?” .
”Yeah, of course,” Jensen raises his arms in surrender. ”Do you wanna go visit after shooting?”
Jared considers his answer, and finds that yes, he really wants to. Somehow he feels an irrational sense of responsibility, needing to see that he’s okay.
~~*~~
Dennis isn’t okay.
He’s at ICU, hooked up to a drip and with an air tube under his nose, pale as the sheets on the white hospital bed. He’s grazing in and out of consciousness when they’re visiting, looking like he hardly recognizes them.
Jared swallows deeply at the sight, and feeling a sense of deep guilt he can’t get rid of, like in some way, he’s responsible for this. He’s not been ill himself, so rationally, he can’t explain it, but his emotions threaten to suffocate him and he has to leave the room.
He walks down the hall, aimlessly, rubbing his hands across his face. It’s one of those modern-looking hospitals, with the glass windows that he never understood the idea behind, and he does a double-take when he recognizes the young man in the room next to Dennis. It’s one of his bar hookups, a blonde who looks even worse off than Dennis. Jared backs away from the window, staggering on shaken legs, until he hits the window on the other side. His hand reaches out to the side, grasping for purchase, something to hold on to, finding the ledge of the window to another room. Turning around to be able to support himself better, he glances inside the room and sees another, pale, familiar face. Another hookup, from three-four- nights ago.
White lights start flashing before his eyes, his balance gone as an ominous sensation settles heavy in his chest. It couldn’t be a coincidence, he knew it wasn’t.
Fuck. What have I done, what did I do?
It’s his last conscious thought before a fuzzy, warm darkness claims him and he falls to the floor.
~~*~~
”Jared, thank god, you’re awake,” Jensen’s green eyes, wide with relief, is the first thing he sees when he comes to.
”I’m…yeah, what happened?”
Jared blinks, trying to get his bearings, finally remembering what happened before everything went blank. What he saw.
”You fainted in the hall, dude. There’s…some kind of virus going around so they want to keep you here for observation.”
”What sort of virus? Do I have it?” Jared tries and fails to sit up, dizziness causing him to fall straight back onto his pillow.
”They don’t think so, but they’re not sure, apparently they have like four young guys here with some kind of mystery virus and they wanna make sure you don’t have it.”
”Is…that the one Dennis’ got?” Jared whispers, knowing the answer even before Jensen nods gravely.
”Jesus.” Jared pinches his eyes shut, trying to stop the lights from flashing in front of his eyes.
”I know. But you’re gonna be fine, Jay, really,” Jensen insists, reaching forward to place a hand on Jared’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.
Jared shakes his head, partly in disbelief, but mostly in another attempt to clear his mind of the utter confusion that’s currently occupying it.
”Jensen…” Jared starts, knowing if there’s anyone he can tell, share his fears with, it’s him. His voice breaks though, pent up emotions getting the best of him, and he stops before he gets another word out, tears falling silently down his pale cheeks instead.
”Jared, really, you’re gonna be fine, I promise.”
”No…” He shakes his head, trying to calm his racing heart and breath enough to get out the next words. ”I need to talk to you, Jense, this…it’s my fault.”
Shock and worry fleet across Jensen’s features, before he settles on skepticism.
”Nothing’s your fault, Jared, what are you talking about?” His eyes are searching his face, seemingly looking for signs of damage and hints of what he’s talking about.
”I can’t explain it…but this is my fault, I’ve made them sick!” He’s panicking now, feeling more certain about his premonition as he vocalizes it.
”Jared…” The hand on his shoulder squeezes again, before it travels down his arm, resting his palm on his hand. ”You’re not well, alright? I mean, you’re on painkillers, and…”
”No! That’s not it,” Jared protests, needing to get his point across as truth, not a drug-induced hallucination. Grabbing Jensen’s hand, he clasped onto it until he could see his knuckles turning white. ”I…knew those guys. That’s why I fainted, I was… shocked.”
”You what? Knew who?” Confusion’s taken over, furrowed brows somehow making him look more like ”Dean” than himself.
”The…guys. In the other rooms. The sick guys.”
”But…no, I give up, Just explain, I’ll shut up,” Jensen relents, and Jared sends him a weak smile of gratitude in return.
”I don’t know much, really, just that I’ve been…off, for like, a week and a half now.”
”Well, yeah, I know that, I sent you to the doctor, remember? Didn’t he say you were fine?”
Jared nods, ignoring the way Jensen broke his promise to be quiet. ”He did, but I wasn’t. Still not. I just…after the food, I started craving…other things. Sex,” he clarifies when Jensen’s blank expression tells him he needs to.
”You…um…come again?”
”I know it sounds stupid, really, but I’ve never felt anything like it, not even when I was seventeen and there were hormones flying all over the place, and that new girl Jessica moved in next door, and it was summer, and…” Jared’s babbling now, and he doesn’t stop until Jensen’s fingers squeeze around his.
”Yeah, anyway, what I mean was…I started feeling really ill without it, I mean, like throwing up, and these headaches, and that’s just not normal, is it?”
”No…it’s not.” Jensen states, hesitantly, like he’s completely unsure as to what he should do, say, and Jared can sympathize.
”And I don’t know, but it can’t be a total coincidence that these guys…that I’ve been with all of them? Can it?” A pathetic tinge of hopefulness in his question, grasping at straws.
”Fuck, I don’t know, Jay…are you sure?”
”I’m sure that Dennis, and the guy in the next room, and the one across the hall all blew me, if that’s what you mean, ” Jared snips, misplaced anger directed at his friend for not being able to shed any light on the situation.
Jensen’s shocked look could be triggered by the words, the anger he’s never had directed at him before, or a combination of both, and Jared sees him struggling to put a calmer mask on.
”Shit…well, that’s really not like you. So that’s what you’ve been doing the last week? Finding these guys to give you…?”
”Blowjobs,” Jared finishes when Jensen doesn’t seem to be able to, or want to. ”I know it’s not like me, that’s why I kept it a secret, I’m fucking embarrassed, man. And now…” His sentence is cut short by tears threatening to fall, and he sniffles, a sound too loud in the quiet room.
”Alright, don’t be…don’t be embarrassed, it’s not your fault, man.”
”Not my fault??” Jared’s voice raises in exasperation, guilt washing over him in a tidal wave, and as it sets in his gut he suddenly feels the rush of something else, something he’d been blissfully free of since he woke up.
The need is back. A sense of nausea makes him momentarily dizzy with it’s intensity, before the familiar headache starts pounding at his temple.
”Jared? What’s going on, should I get the nurse?” Concern in every word, and then Jensen’s right there, in his face, so close he can see the specks of gold in his green irises.
”No!” He reaches out to stop his friend, already on his feet and leaning towards the call-button.
”But Jay, you look…not good, man, we have to call someone!”
”Please don’t, this is…it’s just how it is, nothing I haven’t felt before.” Jared tries to calm his breathing, hide his pain enough to soothe Jensen. Having a nurse or doctor come in would do nothing to help him, then again, he doesn’t really know what will happen when he can’t get what he really needs.
”But…what can we do? Do you want food?”
Jared shakes his head determinedly, a big mistake, since the nausea is quickly getting worse. He has to clasp his hand on his mouth to keep from throwing up, Jensen’s extreme reflexes saving them a big mishap as he grabs the dustbin and holds it up for him. He heaves until there’s nothing left but bile and then he heaves some more, before falling back onto his pillows utterly spent.
”Jesus.” Jensen’s looking closer to panic now, looking from the soiled bin and back to Jared, obviously not finding the words to speak.
”I know, man, I just…maybe you should just leave me alone, I don’t know what to do….”
”But we need to figure something out! You can’t…I mean, is there any indication that it will pass? Like…it’s some kind of withdrawal?” Jensen asks, in detective mode, asking sensible questions, which Jared appreciates, being sick out of his mind.
”I don’t know…you think that could be it?” Jared’s back to being hopeful, because that could make sense. Aches, nausea, it’s typical withdrawal symptoms, and the desperate need his felt -surely that could have been addiction?
”Well…it does sort of fit, doesn’t it? Although…it doesn’t explain why or where it came from.” Jensen ponders out loud.
”Fuck, no. Or…how it makes the others sick.” Jared grits out the words, headache or nausea making his vision blurred.
”Jeez, Jared…you don’t look good man. Couldn’t we get you some painkillers at least?”
Jared’s giving up protesting, and nods in surrender, not even asking question when Jensen produces some pills a minute later, along with a glass of water.
He soon gets a tiny relief from the pain, enough to make him able to focus on the situation ahead.
”You better?” Jensen asks carefully when he returns from running to the café for some food. He’s carrying a computer bag over his shoulder and a coffee cup in his hand.
”Maybe a little…feel fuckin’ sick though.” Jared moans, the effort of talking enough to make him see stars.
”Do you think you can sleep?” Jensen questions carefully, eyeing him thoroughly. ”Think you can pull it together to see the doctor, maybe he can give you a sedative? If it is like an addiction, it could help…”
Jared nods at that, and Jensen leaves, returning half a minute later. The doctor checks him over while Jared tries to hide his symptoms enough to be given some sedative. He’s too out of it, too exhausted with whatever’s going on to be worried - he just wants relief. Before he drifts off, he watches Jensen opening his computer bag and picking up his laptop.
”Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you wake up, buddy.” A final, reassuring squeeze of his hand and he falls into blissful sleep.
~~*~~
Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. The sedative that was supposed to knock him out for eight hours only lasts for a little over three, and he awakes with a moan, his head hurting more than it has in his life.
”Here,” two pills are thrust into his palm and he accepts them, chugging down the water quickly before breathing through his teeth and focusing on getting through the pain until the meds kick in.
”So, I’ve got a theory,” Jensen begins, hesitantly, when Jared starts feeling the effects of the pills. ”But it’s out there, I mean really out there.”
”Hit me,” Jared half-groans.
”Well…I’ve tried to do some research, Sammy-style,” he adds with a wry grin, ”and do you think it could be a…curse?”
”A what?” Jared’s eyes open wider, looking at Jensen questioningly and finding no reason to think he’s joking.
”I know, I said it was out there, but it sorta makes sense, hear me out.” Jensen sounds desperate, and Jared can sympathize, so he simply nods, asking him wordlessly to continue.
”Well, it started after that episode with the witches right? And they had a consultant on witchcraft there, to make it authentic. So, maybe…”
”She cursed me? What was her name…Gina?”
Jensen shrugs, looking mildly embarrassed. ”I’m sorry, I know it’s a crap theory, but the doctors say you’re fine and you’re clearly not…maybe we have to think outside the box.”
”Fuck.” Jared lets out, resigned. ”Let’s just assume that’s right, what…what the hell do I do?”
”I don’t know, Jay…I tried to get a hold of Gina, got the number from the casting people, but she doesn’t pick up. And apart from getting hold of the witch and making her free you from it, the advice for a curse is to get out of its way…”
”Fuck,” Jared repeats breathlessly. ”How am I supposed to get away from myself? And why did this shit happen to me?” his voice breaks with despair.
”I don’t know, Jay, it’s either black or white magic, so if it’s white, it might be to teach you a lesson, or get you on the right track or something like that…”
”Or…?”
”Or it’s black magic, which means someone’s out to hurt you.”
Pinching his eyes closed when a new bout of pain hits him, Jared nods almost imperceptibly.
”I know, it does sound like what’s going on here, although from what I’ve read witches can be sort of misguided even when they’re trying to do good…”
”I’m pretty sure this isn’t supposed to be good.” Jared states, closing his eyes as the light seems to make his head hurt even more. Jensen seemingly understands, and walks over to close off the ceiling lights.
”That better?” he whispers.
”Uhuh, a bit. What time is it anyway?” Jared asks, noticing that there’s no light shining through the gap in the curtains.
Jensen leans over to check the time on the computer standing on the extra chair, its bright screen the only source of light in the room. ”It’s…a little after three. A.M.”
Getting no response, Jensen continues. ”So…what do we do?”
It’s a simple question, but Jared has no idea how to reply. ”I don’t know, Jen, the pain…it’s too much, and when I can’t get rid of it…I can’t live like this.”
”What? Don’t say shit like that, Jay, we’ll figure this out.”
”There’s nothing to figure out, the only thing that helps is sex, and I can’t risk hurting anyone else.”
”But they might be fine, Jay, we don’t know yet..” Jensen protests, voice barely a whisper but booming in the utter silence of the room.
”They don’t seem fine, Jensen, get real.” A hardness to his voice, knowing it’s unfair, knowing that he’s had two weeks to feel the effects of whatever’s going on in his body, knowing the gravity of the situation in a way Jensen can’t. He’s still frustrated though, not having an ounce of patience left at this moment.
”But- ” Another protest, though Jared knows Jensen doesn’t have anything new to say, nothing that truly can help the situation.
”I need to get home.” Before Jensen can try to utter another objection, he raises a hand weakly to silence him. ”I know what you’re gonna say, but the doctors can’t help me, and…if this continues, there’s only one option left, and suicide in a hospital, I’m thinking that’s gonna be hard to pull off.”
”Jared!” Jensen gasps, his shock at the harsh words making his voice raise. ”Jared, don’t fucking say shit like that, it’s not an option.”
”Jensen…” voice soft, meek, trying to calm his friend down while making his point. His energy turned towards Jensen, trying to get through, trying to suppress the effects the extreme pains had on his body, his thoughts. ”I can’t…I mean, if it doesn’t go away, what other options are there, I mean, really?”
”There’s me.” Determination in his stance as Jensen gets up to his feet, stands next to the bed and places his hand on Jared’s chest. ”I’ll do it, what do you need?”
His hand’s moving downwards even as he’s still talking, and it’s a simple, determined touch, no teasing or finesse, but despite himself, Jared reacts, feeling his ever-present erection grow even harder at the touch.
”Don’t…Jensen, what are you doing?”
”Just trying something. Relax, Jay.”
Jared’s about to comment on the impossibility of that when Jensen’s hand ventures further down, his cool fingers tentatively reaching under his pajama pant waistband. He’s suddenly alert again, using the hand not hooked up to IV to grab Jensen’s wrist.
”Jensen,” he gasps as another raw bout of pain hits him, ”Don’t, you can’t do that.”
”I can and I will. Look, we’ll try with just my hand, okay? It may not work, but if it does, it’s less likely that I’ll…catch something, right?”
Even as he tries to convince him, Jensen moves downwards, and the intensity of his touch distracts Jared to the extent where words are no longer an option. The second Jensen’s hand circles around his cock a white light of pain relief fills his brain, his body clenching and relaxing a short second later, everything switching from pain to pleasure so fast Jared doesn’t know exactly what he’s feeling.
Jensen’s hand grows warmer around him, the tight grip feeling absolutely incredible as he’s stroked, firmly, bringing him to the edge of orgasm in less than a minute. His efforts to suppress his climax are futile and feeble, and he comes with a full body shudder, spurting his release all over Jensen’s palm, still clutched vice-tight around him.
A long-winded moan escapes Jared as he comes down from his high. Not from hurting this time, but from an ecstatic sensation of pain - relief running through his veins.
”Jesus…” Jared gasps when he can breathe again, when Jensen lets go of him, sneaks over to the sink to discreetly wash his hands, returning to the side of his bed straight after.
”You’re better.” A statement, not a question, and Jensen places his slightly damp hand on Jared’s forehead, then strokes through his hair, pulling it back from his face.
”Yes, but…shit, what about you?” Horror in Jared’s eyes by the prospect of Jensen getting hurt, a chill that has nothing to do with fever running through him.
”We’ll see,” Jensen states calmly, like nothing’s happened, like he’s in complete control. Jared knows him well enough to think he might be acting, or using some sort of mental technique to stay calm, a mechanical tone to his voice.
”But…” Jared’s voice is raspy after the strain of the last hours, and Jensen stops him before he gets out another word.
”Yeah, we’ve been through that. You look a lot better, do you wanna try going home?”
Jared looks around the room, not really sure why, but when he turns his attention back to his friend, he nods determinedly.
”Yes. I…I’ll just go to the bathroom, could you catch a nurse and tell her I wanna sign out?”
He gets up from the bed, feeling fit as ever now, briefly feeling grateful that Jensen had taken the pain away, before another shot of guilt hits him at the thought of Jensen getting sick from what he did.
There’s no more time to agonize though, as he rushes to the bathroom to get ready to leave. His clothes are lying on a chair in the small room, and after losing his soiled pajama pants and his white standard t-shirt, he washes off quickly with a towel and puts them on. Wearing his own clothes completes the transformation, and suddenly he feels like himself again, the last few hours seeming completely illusory.
When he exits the small ensuite bathroom, the lights are turned back on, and Jensen’s standing there with a middle aged woman, who introduces herself as Dr. Hanson. With a combination of Jensen’s charm and Jared’s determination they manage to persuade her to release him in the middle of the night. He does have to sign a waiver, which he does with a reassuring smile.
Minutes later they’re leaving the hospital, Jensen hovering around him, obviously concerned, bu withholding any comments at the moment. Jared’s grateful, very much so, wanting and needing to come home, to his house, to his dogs, feel the safety of his surroundings and hopefully calm down before they need to talk more.
TBC
Fandom/pairing: Spn RPS, Jared/Jensen (first-time)
Written by: ellydee27
Rating:Adult
Summary: Jared’s not feeling too good, all of the sudden craving food and…other things…desperately. Suspicion rises that something supernatural is going on, but what, how and why? With Jensen’s help, he tries to find answers before it’s too late.
Warnings: M/m sexual concepts, mention of thoughts of suicide.
Author’s notes: This is my contribution to the J2 fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders! ladyrhyanne won me, and gave me a very detailed prompt- hope this is close to what you wanted, honey.
Author’s notes 2: This story is finished but will be posted in two parts, one today, and one tomorrow. Also, I never thought I’d write anything like this, so feedback is especially appreciated this time!
Hope you enjoy :)
Jared’s always loved his food, sure, and candy even more so, but after four days of uncontrollable hunger he’s starting to wonder what the hell is going on. He’s having lunch with Jensen, on set, when he notices Jensen’s questioning stare - somewhere between amused, appalled and shocked.
”Dude…” he simply says, even that one word excessive between the two of them.
”Yeah, I don’t know, I’m just…starving!” Jared tries to explain, diving into his third sandwich like it’s been three days since his last meal, not…two hours.
”You’re not going through another growth-spurt, right?” Jensen’s eyebrow raises skeptically, a hint of amusement making the corner of his mouth twitch.
”Funny, no seriously, man, I don’t know what’s going on, it’s really…weird.” Frustration colors his voice, his free arm gesturing while he’s wolfing down his food.
Jensen’s posture changes as he turns into the genuine, concerned friend instead of his mocking buddy. ”I’m sorry, Jay, I didn’t realize…do you think you should see a doctor or something? I mean…it’s been like four days of this, hasn’t it?”
”I dunno, I guess…I didn’t feel too good when we left set after that night-shoot, yeah, guess that was four days ago?”
”Yeah, the scene with the witches that took all night. Damn guest stars,” Jensen mumbles, remembering the shoot that went far over the schedule because the actresses who played witches kept messing up the lines.
”I know, and I had to get up to eat that night so maybe…really think I need a doctor?”
”Couldn’t hurt, could it?” Another look of genuine concern flashes over Jensen’s features, and finally, that’s what settles it for Jared.
A visit to the doctor reveals nothing though, apart from a slightly raised blood pressure everything’s supposedly fine, and the doctor leaves him with the advice of making sure he eats proper food and maybe lay off his intense work-out regime for a while.
And he does, but the hunger doesn’t dissipate, and in addition, over the next days, he gets another craving…one he can’t even tell his housemate about.
~~*~~
Jared’s never been the promiscuous type, always happy as a serial monogamist, dealing with long-distance-relationships the way he figure everyone does: making friends with his right hand. And after the recent break up, caused by his realization that a certain friend of his means more to him than a girl ever could, he’s not had a problem with going without.
But after his visit to the Doc’s he gets a itching sensation that doesn’t even fade with the gulfing down of two double hamburgers, two big portions of French fries and a jumbo Coke. His hands are twitching restlessly, a sense of tingling need scratching against his skin, a definitive pull in his nether-regions telling him what it is his body is screaming for.
Sex.
~~*~~
Even with his distinct lack of experience in hooking up with random strangers in a bar, Jared doesn’t find it all that hard. He knew there was a gay scene in Vancouver, after he’d randomly and stupidly come out to Dennis in the crew at a party, only because he was the only gay person Jared knew up here, and because alcohol made him do stupid things.
Ten minutes after he’s walked into the bar, he’s found a willing mouth, and five minutes after that, he’s emptying himself down some stranger’s throat, groaning out his relief. There’s a level of shame involved, and guilt, as he knows he won’t return the favor- the whole ”being gay” -thing still too new for him to be able to do so. With an apologetic shrug he shuffles away from the man on his knees before him, another surge of relief running through him when the guy just grins at him, as if it’s not a big deal.
He’s still flushed with a mixture of release, excitement, shame and nerves when he enters the house thirty minutes later, mumbling a brief ”hello, I’ve been out, goodnight”- greeting before heading for his bedroom for a night of restless sleep.
It continues on like that for a week, desperation, need and pure horniness sizzling underneath his skin, making his blood boil and his concentration go down the drain, nothing but the need for release on his mind, filling his every thought. Every night he finds someone new, and as the week progresses, he finds less and less relief in every climax.
Finally, he snaps on set, tension making him irate, frustration taking it’s toll and forcing him to break his rule of no on-set-hookups. Dennis has been sending him these looks, and when they break for lunch, it doesn’t take more than a few choice words and a raised eyebrow in invitation. They rush off to the trailer and it’s another blowjob, another orgasm, another brief reprieve from the incessant need crawling inside him.
Afterwards, he’s ashamed, embarrassed by his own lack of control, but at the same time he feels like it’s out of his hands; the desperation turning him into a creature of instinct and not the considerate person he’s always been.
~~*~~
When Jared arrives on set the day after, he looks for Dennis, not sure if he wants to apologize or ask for a repeat performance. He’d been out again the night before, found another willing mouth in another bar, but as soon as he woke up he’d been craving it again - his own hand in the shower doing nothing to soothe his racing heart.
”Dude, do you know where Dennis is?” He asks Jensen when they’ve got ten minutes off, waiting for the lighting crew to be ready.
”Well yeah, he’s in the hospital, some kind of weird food poisoning or something,” Jensen’s furrowed brows revealing his confusion at Jared’s incessant tone.
”What? Is he okay?” They’ve never been that close to Dennis, and Jared knows he’s coming off too invested, but Jensen’s used to him caring, used to him being emotional, so he’s hoping it doesn’t tell too much.
”I don’t know, he seemed fine yesterday, didn’t he? Can’t be that serious…” It’s obvious Jensen’s trying to figure out what’s going on, a searching looks on his features. ”Are you…I mean, is there something between you or something?”
”What? No!” Jared’s voice is too loud, close to shrieking even, and he tries to settle down, forcing himself to relax. ”No, I mean…no. I just, I…talked to him yesterday and he was fine, that’s all.”
”Okay…” Skepticism is layered thick in Jensen’s voice, but he nods once, like he’s decided to overlook his doubts. ”But you would tell me if there was right? I mean…” Jensen gestures helplessly, but Jared understands what he’s trying to say.
It’s close to six months since Jared came out to him, and so far that’s the one and only time they’ve discussed it. Jensen’s sometimes tried to point out guys to him when they’ve been out- guys who supposedly were ”checking him out”. Jared had shrugged and changed the subject every time, because he might be gay, or he might be bi, the only thing he knows for sure is that there’s only one person he wants.
And that’s Jensen. His best friend. His gorgeous, funny, laidback, smart, talented straight best friend.
”Yeah, I’d tell you, I just…I’m worried, okay?” .
”Yeah, of course,” Jensen raises his arms in surrender. ”Do you wanna go visit after shooting?”
Jared considers his answer, and finds that yes, he really wants to. Somehow he feels an irrational sense of responsibility, needing to see that he’s okay.
~~*~~
Dennis isn’t okay.
He’s at ICU, hooked up to a drip and with an air tube under his nose, pale as the sheets on the white hospital bed. He’s grazing in and out of consciousness when they’re visiting, looking like he hardly recognizes them.
Jared swallows deeply at the sight, and feeling a sense of deep guilt he can’t get rid of, like in some way, he’s responsible for this. He’s not been ill himself, so rationally, he can’t explain it, but his emotions threaten to suffocate him and he has to leave the room.
He walks down the hall, aimlessly, rubbing his hands across his face. It’s one of those modern-looking hospitals, with the glass windows that he never understood the idea behind, and he does a double-take when he recognizes the young man in the room next to Dennis. It’s one of his bar hookups, a blonde who looks even worse off than Dennis. Jared backs away from the window, staggering on shaken legs, until he hits the window on the other side. His hand reaches out to the side, grasping for purchase, something to hold on to, finding the ledge of the window to another room. Turning around to be able to support himself better, he glances inside the room and sees another, pale, familiar face. Another hookup, from three-four- nights ago.
White lights start flashing before his eyes, his balance gone as an ominous sensation settles heavy in his chest. It couldn’t be a coincidence, he knew it wasn’t.
Fuck. What have I done, what did I do?
It’s his last conscious thought before a fuzzy, warm darkness claims him and he falls to the floor.
~~*~~
”Jared, thank god, you’re awake,” Jensen’s green eyes, wide with relief, is the first thing he sees when he comes to.
”I’m…yeah, what happened?”
Jared blinks, trying to get his bearings, finally remembering what happened before everything went blank. What he saw.
”You fainted in the hall, dude. There’s…some kind of virus going around so they want to keep you here for observation.”
”What sort of virus? Do I have it?” Jared tries and fails to sit up, dizziness causing him to fall straight back onto his pillow.
”They don’t think so, but they’re not sure, apparently they have like four young guys here with some kind of mystery virus and they wanna make sure you don’t have it.”
”Is…that the one Dennis’ got?” Jared whispers, knowing the answer even before Jensen nods gravely.
”Jesus.” Jared pinches his eyes shut, trying to stop the lights from flashing in front of his eyes.
”I know. But you’re gonna be fine, Jay, really,” Jensen insists, reaching forward to place a hand on Jared’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.
Jared shakes his head, partly in disbelief, but mostly in another attempt to clear his mind of the utter confusion that’s currently occupying it.
”Jensen…” Jared starts, knowing if there’s anyone he can tell, share his fears with, it’s him. His voice breaks though, pent up emotions getting the best of him, and he stops before he gets another word out, tears falling silently down his pale cheeks instead.
”Jared, really, you’re gonna be fine, I promise.”
”No…” He shakes his head, trying to calm his racing heart and breath enough to get out the next words. ”I need to talk to you, Jense, this…it’s my fault.”
Shock and worry fleet across Jensen’s features, before he settles on skepticism.
”Nothing’s your fault, Jared, what are you talking about?” His eyes are searching his face, seemingly looking for signs of damage and hints of what he’s talking about.
”I can’t explain it…but this is my fault, I’ve made them sick!” He’s panicking now, feeling more certain about his premonition as he vocalizes it.
”Jared…” The hand on his shoulder squeezes again, before it travels down his arm, resting his palm on his hand. ”You’re not well, alright? I mean, you’re on painkillers, and…”
”No! That’s not it,” Jared protests, needing to get his point across as truth, not a drug-induced hallucination. Grabbing Jensen’s hand, he clasped onto it until he could see his knuckles turning white. ”I…knew those guys. That’s why I fainted, I was… shocked.”
”You what? Knew who?” Confusion’s taken over, furrowed brows somehow making him look more like ”Dean” than himself.
”The…guys. In the other rooms. The sick guys.”
”But…no, I give up, Just explain, I’ll shut up,” Jensen relents, and Jared sends him a weak smile of gratitude in return.
”I don’t know much, really, just that I’ve been…off, for like, a week and a half now.”
”Well, yeah, I know that, I sent you to the doctor, remember? Didn’t he say you were fine?”
Jared nods, ignoring the way Jensen broke his promise to be quiet. ”He did, but I wasn’t. Still not. I just…after the food, I started craving…other things. Sex,” he clarifies when Jensen’s blank expression tells him he needs to.
”You…um…come again?”
”I know it sounds stupid, really, but I’ve never felt anything like it, not even when I was seventeen and there were hormones flying all over the place, and that new girl Jessica moved in next door, and it was summer, and…” Jared’s babbling now, and he doesn’t stop until Jensen’s fingers squeeze around his.
”Yeah, anyway, what I mean was…I started feeling really ill without it, I mean, like throwing up, and these headaches, and that’s just not normal, is it?”
”No…it’s not.” Jensen states, hesitantly, like he’s completely unsure as to what he should do, say, and Jared can sympathize.
”And I don’t know, but it can’t be a total coincidence that these guys…that I’ve been with all of them? Can it?” A pathetic tinge of hopefulness in his question, grasping at straws.
”Fuck, I don’t know, Jay…are you sure?”
”I’m sure that Dennis, and the guy in the next room, and the one across the hall all blew me, if that’s what you mean, ” Jared snips, misplaced anger directed at his friend for not being able to shed any light on the situation.
Jensen’s shocked look could be triggered by the words, the anger he’s never had directed at him before, or a combination of both, and Jared sees him struggling to put a calmer mask on.
”Shit…well, that’s really not like you. So that’s what you’ve been doing the last week? Finding these guys to give you…?”
”Blowjobs,” Jared finishes when Jensen doesn’t seem to be able to, or want to. ”I know it’s not like me, that’s why I kept it a secret, I’m fucking embarrassed, man. And now…” His sentence is cut short by tears threatening to fall, and he sniffles, a sound too loud in the quiet room.
”Alright, don’t be…don’t be embarrassed, it’s not your fault, man.”
”Not my fault??” Jared’s voice raises in exasperation, guilt washing over him in a tidal wave, and as it sets in his gut he suddenly feels the rush of something else, something he’d been blissfully free of since he woke up.
The need is back. A sense of nausea makes him momentarily dizzy with it’s intensity, before the familiar headache starts pounding at his temple.
”Jared? What’s going on, should I get the nurse?” Concern in every word, and then Jensen’s right there, in his face, so close he can see the specks of gold in his green irises.
”No!” He reaches out to stop his friend, already on his feet and leaning towards the call-button.
”But Jay, you look…not good, man, we have to call someone!”
”Please don’t, this is…it’s just how it is, nothing I haven’t felt before.” Jared tries to calm his breathing, hide his pain enough to soothe Jensen. Having a nurse or doctor come in would do nothing to help him, then again, he doesn’t really know what will happen when he can’t get what he really needs.
”But…what can we do? Do you want food?”
Jared shakes his head determinedly, a big mistake, since the nausea is quickly getting worse. He has to clasp his hand on his mouth to keep from throwing up, Jensen’s extreme reflexes saving them a big mishap as he grabs the dustbin and holds it up for him. He heaves until there’s nothing left but bile and then he heaves some more, before falling back onto his pillows utterly spent.
”Jesus.” Jensen’s looking closer to panic now, looking from the soiled bin and back to Jared, obviously not finding the words to speak.
”I know, man, I just…maybe you should just leave me alone, I don’t know what to do….”
”But we need to figure something out! You can’t…I mean, is there any indication that it will pass? Like…it’s some kind of withdrawal?” Jensen asks, in detective mode, asking sensible questions, which Jared appreciates, being sick out of his mind.
”I don’t know…you think that could be it?” Jared’s back to being hopeful, because that could make sense. Aches, nausea, it’s typical withdrawal symptoms, and the desperate need his felt -surely that could have been addiction?
”Well…it does sort of fit, doesn’t it? Although…it doesn’t explain why or where it came from.” Jensen ponders out loud.
”Fuck, no. Or…how it makes the others sick.” Jared grits out the words, headache or nausea making his vision blurred.
”Jeez, Jared…you don’t look good man. Couldn’t we get you some painkillers at least?”
Jared’s giving up protesting, and nods in surrender, not even asking question when Jensen produces some pills a minute later, along with a glass of water.
He soon gets a tiny relief from the pain, enough to make him able to focus on the situation ahead.
”You better?” Jensen asks carefully when he returns from running to the café for some food. He’s carrying a computer bag over his shoulder and a coffee cup in his hand.
”Maybe a little…feel fuckin’ sick though.” Jared moans, the effort of talking enough to make him see stars.
”Do you think you can sleep?” Jensen questions carefully, eyeing him thoroughly. ”Think you can pull it together to see the doctor, maybe he can give you a sedative? If it is like an addiction, it could help…”
Jared nods at that, and Jensen leaves, returning half a minute later. The doctor checks him over while Jared tries to hide his symptoms enough to be given some sedative. He’s too out of it, too exhausted with whatever’s going on to be worried - he just wants relief. Before he drifts off, he watches Jensen opening his computer bag and picking up his laptop.
”Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you wake up, buddy.” A final, reassuring squeeze of his hand and he falls into blissful sleep.
~~*~~
Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. The sedative that was supposed to knock him out for eight hours only lasts for a little over three, and he awakes with a moan, his head hurting more than it has in his life.
”Here,” two pills are thrust into his palm and he accepts them, chugging down the water quickly before breathing through his teeth and focusing on getting through the pain until the meds kick in.
”So, I’ve got a theory,” Jensen begins, hesitantly, when Jared starts feeling the effects of the pills. ”But it’s out there, I mean really out there.”
”Hit me,” Jared half-groans.
”Well…I’ve tried to do some research, Sammy-style,” he adds with a wry grin, ”and do you think it could be a…curse?”
”A what?” Jared’s eyes open wider, looking at Jensen questioningly and finding no reason to think he’s joking.
”I know, I said it was out there, but it sorta makes sense, hear me out.” Jensen sounds desperate, and Jared can sympathize, so he simply nods, asking him wordlessly to continue.
”Well, it started after that episode with the witches right? And they had a consultant on witchcraft there, to make it authentic. So, maybe…”
”She cursed me? What was her name…Gina?”
Jensen shrugs, looking mildly embarrassed. ”I’m sorry, I know it’s a crap theory, but the doctors say you’re fine and you’re clearly not…maybe we have to think outside the box.”
”Fuck.” Jared lets out, resigned. ”Let’s just assume that’s right, what…what the hell do I do?”
”I don’t know, Jay…I tried to get a hold of Gina, got the number from the casting people, but she doesn’t pick up. And apart from getting hold of the witch and making her free you from it, the advice for a curse is to get out of its way…”
”Fuck,” Jared repeats breathlessly. ”How am I supposed to get away from myself? And why did this shit happen to me?” his voice breaks with despair.
”I don’t know, Jay, it’s either black or white magic, so if it’s white, it might be to teach you a lesson, or get you on the right track or something like that…”
”Or…?”
”Or it’s black magic, which means someone’s out to hurt you.”
Pinching his eyes closed when a new bout of pain hits him, Jared nods almost imperceptibly.
”I know, it does sound like what’s going on here, although from what I’ve read witches can be sort of misguided even when they’re trying to do good…”
”I’m pretty sure this isn’t supposed to be good.” Jared states, closing his eyes as the light seems to make his head hurt even more. Jensen seemingly understands, and walks over to close off the ceiling lights.
”That better?” he whispers.
”Uhuh, a bit. What time is it anyway?” Jared asks, noticing that there’s no light shining through the gap in the curtains.
Jensen leans over to check the time on the computer standing on the extra chair, its bright screen the only source of light in the room. ”It’s…a little after three. A.M.”
Getting no response, Jensen continues. ”So…what do we do?”
It’s a simple question, but Jared has no idea how to reply. ”I don’t know, Jen, the pain…it’s too much, and when I can’t get rid of it…I can’t live like this.”
”What? Don’t say shit like that, Jay, we’ll figure this out.”
”There’s nothing to figure out, the only thing that helps is sex, and I can’t risk hurting anyone else.”
”But they might be fine, Jay, we don’t know yet..” Jensen protests, voice barely a whisper but booming in the utter silence of the room.
”They don’t seem fine, Jensen, get real.” A hardness to his voice, knowing it’s unfair, knowing that he’s had two weeks to feel the effects of whatever’s going on in his body, knowing the gravity of the situation in a way Jensen can’t. He’s still frustrated though, not having an ounce of patience left at this moment.
”But- ” Another protest, though Jared knows Jensen doesn’t have anything new to say, nothing that truly can help the situation.
”I need to get home.” Before Jensen can try to utter another objection, he raises a hand weakly to silence him. ”I know what you’re gonna say, but the doctors can’t help me, and…if this continues, there’s only one option left, and suicide in a hospital, I’m thinking that’s gonna be hard to pull off.”
”Jared!” Jensen gasps, his shock at the harsh words making his voice raise. ”Jared, don’t fucking say shit like that, it’s not an option.”
”Jensen…” voice soft, meek, trying to calm his friend down while making his point. His energy turned towards Jensen, trying to get through, trying to suppress the effects the extreme pains had on his body, his thoughts. ”I can’t…I mean, if it doesn’t go away, what other options are there, I mean, really?”
”There’s me.” Determination in his stance as Jensen gets up to his feet, stands next to the bed and places his hand on Jared’s chest. ”I’ll do it, what do you need?”
His hand’s moving downwards even as he’s still talking, and it’s a simple, determined touch, no teasing or finesse, but despite himself, Jared reacts, feeling his ever-present erection grow even harder at the touch.
”Don’t…Jensen, what are you doing?”
”Just trying something. Relax, Jay.”
Jared’s about to comment on the impossibility of that when Jensen’s hand ventures further down, his cool fingers tentatively reaching under his pajama pant waistband. He’s suddenly alert again, using the hand not hooked up to IV to grab Jensen’s wrist.
”Jensen,” he gasps as another raw bout of pain hits him, ”Don’t, you can’t do that.”
”I can and I will. Look, we’ll try with just my hand, okay? It may not work, but if it does, it’s less likely that I’ll…catch something, right?”
Even as he tries to convince him, Jensen moves downwards, and the intensity of his touch distracts Jared to the extent where words are no longer an option. The second Jensen’s hand circles around his cock a white light of pain relief fills his brain, his body clenching and relaxing a short second later, everything switching from pain to pleasure so fast Jared doesn’t know exactly what he’s feeling.
Jensen’s hand grows warmer around him, the tight grip feeling absolutely incredible as he’s stroked, firmly, bringing him to the edge of orgasm in less than a minute. His efforts to suppress his climax are futile and feeble, and he comes with a full body shudder, spurting his release all over Jensen’s palm, still clutched vice-tight around him.
A long-winded moan escapes Jared as he comes down from his high. Not from hurting this time, but from an ecstatic sensation of pain - relief running through his veins.
”Jesus…” Jared gasps when he can breathe again, when Jensen lets go of him, sneaks over to the sink to discreetly wash his hands, returning to the side of his bed straight after.
”You’re better.” A statement, not a question, and Jensen places his slightly damp hand on Jared’s forehead, then strokes through his hair, pulling it back from his face.
”Yes, but…shit, what about you?” Horror in Jared’s eyes by the prospect of Jensen getting hurt, a chill that has nothing to do with fever running through him.
”We’ll see,” Jensen states calmly, like nothing’s happened, like he’s in complete control. Jared knows him well enough to think he might be acting, or using some sort of mental technique to stay calm, a mechanical tone to his voice.
”But…” Jared’s voice is raspy after the strain of the last hours, and Jensen stops him before he gets out another word.
”Yeah, we’ve been through that. You look a lot better, do you wanna try going home?”
Jared looks around the room, not really sure why, but when he turns his attention back to his friend, he nods determinedly.
”Yes. I…I’ll just go to the bathroom, could you catch a nurse and tell her I wanna sign out?”
He gets up from the bed, feeling fit as ever now, briefly feeling grateful that Jensen had taken the pain away, before another shot of guilt hits him at the thought of Jensen getting sick from what he did.
There’s no more time to agonize though, as he rushes to the bathroom to get ready to leave. His clothes are lying on a chair in the small room, and after losing his soiled pajama pants and his white standard t-shirt, he washes off quickly with a towel and puts them on. Wearing his own clothes completes the transformation, and suddenly he feels like himself again, the last few hours seeming completely illusory.
When he exits the small ensuite bathroom, the lights are turned back on, and Jensen’s standing there with a middle aged woman, who introduces herself as Dr. Hanson. With a combination of Jensen’s charm and Jared’s determination they manage to persuade her to release him in the middle of the night. He does have to sign a waiver, which he does with a reassuring smile.
Minutes later they’re leaving the hospital, Jensen hovering around him, obviously concerned, bu withholding any comments at the moment. Jared’s grateful, very much so, wanting and needing to come home, to his house, to his dogs, feel the safety of his surroundings and hopefully calm down before they need to talk more.
TBC