FIC: "CURSED", J2, 2/2
Title:Cursed
Fandom/pairing: Spn RPS, Jared/Jensen (first-time)
Written by: ellydee27
Rating:Adult
Word count: ~5000/~10000
Summary: Jared’s not feeling too good, all of the sudden craving food and…other things…desperately. Suspicion rises that something supernatural is going on, but what, how and why? With Jensen’s help, he tries to find answers before it’s too late.
Warnings: M/m sexual concepts, mention of thoughts of suicide.
Author’s notes: This is my contribution to the J2 fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders! ladyrhyanne won me, and gave me a very detailed prompt- hope this is close to what you wanted, honey.
Author’s notes 2: The second and last part of the story! I never thought I’d write anything like this, so feedback is especially appreciated this time!
Hope you enjoy :)
"PART ONE"
~~*~~
Arriving at the house, still not a word spoken between them, Jared heads for the kitchen to get them both a beer, handing one to Jensen, who’s collapsed on the couch. Jared’s feeling energized, his whole body humming with contentment after escaping the clutching jaws of pain he’s been trapped in.
Jensen looks exhausted though, and guilt gnaws at Jared once again, observing the stiffness and delay in his movements as he twists off the cap and finishes the beverage in two long pulls.
”You okay?” he ventures carefully, taking a seat on the two-seater next to the larger one Jensen’s draped across.
”Yeah, don’t worry, Jay, I’m just tired. Been up almost twenty-four hours now,” Jensen gestures vaguely, then closes his eyes, tight, like he’s trying to wake himself up. ”We should try to do some more research though, get your computer too, I’ll try calling Gina again.”
”No.” Jared’s reply causes Jensen to raise his head questioningly. ”You should sleep. You have to sleep. Just give me the number, I’ll call, and I’ll use your computer and your browsing history. Deal?”
Jensen’s struggling to accept the terms, but when he shakes his head, Jared notices his eyes aren’t following the movement, too slow, unfocused by his level of fatigue.
”Come on Jensen, no offense, but you’re not gonna do a good job of researching when you’re that tired. Get a few hours at least, I’ll wake you up later.”
”You sure you gonna be okay alone?” Jensen’s eyes are wide with concern, and timing’s never been Jared’s strong suit so he finds himself getting lost in them for a long minute, the beauty of them as hypnotizing as ever.
”I’m not alone, and yes, I will. Now, two things, but then you’re sleeping. First of all, what should I do about work, and second…are you feeling alright?”
”Work. I’ll call and say you’re in hospital, and yes, I’m feeling fine, Jay. Honest. Maybe…maybe it worked somehow?”
”Fuck, let’s hope so. Alright, make the call then head to bed, I’ll wake you up in a few.” Jared’s lying, and judging by the skeptical look Jensen sends him, he knows. Jared’s plan is to let him sleep for however long he’s able to.
Jensen groans as he gets up from the couch, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sifting through the contact list to call the producer. He slaps Jared on the shoulder, reassuringly, and heads for his room while he talks.
~~*~~
Jared pulls up Jensen’s computer, checks the last viewed pages and tries to expand on the search his friend’s done. It’s all myths and hypotheses, sometimes portrayed as truth, sometimes not, and after an hour he’s more confused than ever. After reading a paragraph three times without understanding it, Jared sighs deeply and gives up.
He gets to his feet and heads to the kitchen for another beer, crouching down and scratching Sadie while nursing his drink. After a minute Harley joins them, nuzzling at Jared’s neck, reachable now that he’s sitting on the floor. Finishing off his bottle, he applies both his hands to caressing his animals, briefly thinking back on his desperate plan in the hospital, wondering if they would miss him and if Jensen would be the one to care for them.
Jensen. That’s what it all revolves back to, who it’s all about.
So much has happened in so few hours, and now it all comes back to him, threatening to completely overwhelm him with it’s significance. The pain and the…curse…is one thing, but it’s impossible to remember that now, when he feels fine and normal.
What he does remember, vividly, is Jensen. His sacrifice, his determination, his touch, tearing him apart and healing him all at once.
Jared can’t help but feel like something significant happened when he climaxed by aid of Jensen’s hand. It felt like a rush beyond what he’s ever experienced, like a surge of power ran through him in addition to the pain relief.
It breathes hope into him, the thought that somehow Jensen will be able to cure him, and he clamps down on it, not wanting to get irrational and start grasping at straws. He tells himself the force of the climax and the effects afterwards was because of his own attraction to Jensen, that it seemed like something more than just a physical reaction because of his own emotional involvement.
Jared nods to himself, thinking that his reasoning makes sense, sending a wry smirk to Sadie, who’s eyeing him questioningly. Sadie’s always been the smart one and Jared’s sure he can see worry and pity in her gaze.
”Yeah, I know. You got one crazy human, don’t you, girl.” He whispers into her fur, feeling calm radiating from her, her soft, relaxed panting soothing him.
Jensen had taken a huge chance tonight, risked his health and his life, and Jared hadn’t even thanked him. Not because he didn’t deserve it, but because it was too much for a simple ”thank you”. Words can’t be used to repay or even acknowledge what he did, and Jared’s thoughts about his actions are still highly conflicted.
He had meant what he said in the hospital, about not seeing a way out from this if it continues. He could see Jensen panicking when he’d mentioned it, and he can empathize, knows that he’d react the same way if their positions were reversed. Knows he’d try everything, too, offer himself up without hesitation, just like Jensen did.
Suddenly filled with an urgent need to check on his friend, Jared gets to his feet, surprising both his dogs by the hurried movement.
He runs up the stairs, two steps at the time, then slows down as he tip-toes down the hall to Jensen’s room. The door’s agape, and Jared can see Jensen fast asleep, crouched in fetus-position, on hand under his chin. In the silence of the house Jared can hear his even breath, the sound calming Jared’s racing heart.
It’s not the first time Jared’s watched Jensen sleep. It’s not something he’s proud of, but after they moved in together, watching Jensen sleep has been his favorite remedy for when he can’t sleep. His restlessness does continue on into the night at times, and padding out across the hall, opening the door carefully and watching his friend sleep has filled many sleepless hours over the years. It was on one of those nights, a year ago or more, that the realization had hit: that he was hopelessly, endlessly in love with his best friend.
Standing here, watching him again, another realization hits: he has to leave. He has to get away, leave Jensen alone.
Staying would mean waiting for the symptoms to return, and then Jensen would offer himself up again. Jared can’t allow him to take that chance, can’t risk hurting his friend. He looks fine where he is, sleeping peacefully, body lax and gorgeous, but Jared aches from worrying over how he’ll feel in a few hours, or tomorrow…
He drinks in the sight of his best friend, the object of his love and affection, before turning around decidedly, sneaking into his own room and finding a duffle bag. He spends a few minutes packing random items, not knowing where he’s going, what he’s going to do, how long he’s going to stay gone. It’s really all about one thing: keeping Jensen safe. That’s where his plan begins and ends.
~~*~~
He should have known it wouldn’t work, a too-simple solution for a too-complex problem.
Even if he gets in the car with the best of intentions, he can’t seem to make himself drive away. He only gets around the corner before something compels him to stop, the sensation so powerful that he pulls over immediately. Hanging his head, he tries to calm himself down and think everything through, try to make sense of the situation.
He stays there, in his car, for hours, watching the morning rush starting, people exiting their houses and getting ready for another normal day. Watching the normalcy playing out right in front of his eyes makes the last 24 hours seem unreal, just like the pain seemed unreal when Jensen had taken it away. The contrast between the dark thoughts he’d had that same night and the families getting ready for their day is mind-boggling.
Even surrounded by everyday life Jared can’t feel either normal or relaxed. He considers going back to the house, wanting so much to be able to return and having everything be back to normal. With a feat of strength he pushes that thought away, knowing it’s grasping at straws, wishing for a simple way out.
Forcing himself to remember the reality of what’s going on, he tries to analyze what he knows so far. The facts add up, sort of, if you believe in witches and curses that is. Barring that, and the little mystery of why he’s been cursed, which really isn’t a little thing at all, what puzzles him the most is how a hand job from Jensen could make him feel better than all the blow jobs he’d had so far. He didn’t just feel pain-free after, he felt energized, vitalized, high. like he’s had four bags of sour candy followed by a run and a big belly laugh with his friends.
He mulls over it, not coming up with a real answer, until his need for sleep finally catches up with him, his eyelids feeling steadily heavier until he dozes off.
~~*~~
It’s a cool winter day, but the sun is shining through his windshield when he awakes, hours later, stiffness in his muscles and a chill set in his bones. He rubs his neck with his own hand, trying to loosen the knots, while distractedly turning on the engine and the heater.
Checking his watch, he sees that it’s closing in on 11.am. After a blissful few seconds of relief from his worries they all hit him instantly. He sighs deeply, shaking his head in a useless effort to clear it, and instead of allowing his mind to return to worrying over the hundred unanswered questions that’s running through it, he asks himself a simpler question: what to do next.
~~*~~
By the end of the day, Jared’s realized two things. One, he’s still feeling better than he has since this whole thing started, and two, which is weirder; he’s not able to leave Jensen behind, gets the strangest ache in his chest every time he’s tried. An ache that’s made him follow Jensen around all day, hiding in his car like a regular stalker, at a distance just far enough not to be noticed.
Or so he thinks.
Truth is, Jensen sees Jared’s not-so-inconspicuous car parked two rows over when he goes grocery shopping. Sees a familiar head of floppy hair ducking down behind a garbage container outside the café where he eats lunch. Sees a tall shadow under the lit-up cone of the street light outside their house at night. Sees him all through his day but doesn’t say anything, simply because he understands what he’s friend is doing, or trying to do. Jared is the kind of friend who would leave to spare Jensen, but he’s also the kind of friend who can’t stay away without knowing he’s alright. And Jensen is alright.
~~*~~
The game of unplanned tag that they’re playing continues for two whole days, Jensen going in to work the second day, feeling perfectly fine apart from verging on annoyed with his friend. ”Supernatural” just isn’t a one-man -show, he came in alone and there’s little or nothing that can be shot with only him, and the frustration radiating from the crew seems undeservedly directed at him.
Surprisingly, Jared feels fine too. No aches or pains tormenting him, no desperate craving running through his veins. Apart from his inability to be more than 600 feet away from Jensen, he feels…normal. Still thinking he needs to stay away, and still not able to, but apart from that….normal.
~~*~~
After a day on set, not getting anything done because of his costar’s absence, Jensen’s limited patience has run out. The return to normalcy makes Jared’s pain and their whole curse-theory seem like a dream for him too, unreal in all it’s desperation and horror, and Jensen finds himself thinking of ways to make Jared come back. Jensen’s feeling fine, Jared seems fine enough in the short glimpses he’s gotten - there’s really no reason why he shouldn’t stop avoiding him and get back to their normal routine.
~~*~~
It’s hard to convince someone when they won’t talk to you though. Jared isn’t picking up his phone, and after trying to get through via Chad he knows he isn’t picking up when he calls either.
But Chad turns out to be surprisingly useful. Jensen tells a white lie when it comes to why he needs to get a hold of Jared, but Chad seems to understand the gravity of the situation anyway, knowing his friend wouldn’t try to run away unless something serious was going on.
”So…I might have an idea,” Chad drawls over the phone, somehow seeming uninterested and incredibly focused all at once, one of the many reasons Jensen’s never fully understood him.
”Yeah? What is it?” Jensen hears the desperation in his own voice, mentally berating himself for letting it shine through when Chad chuckles on the other end.
”I was gonna ask if it was really that important to you, but I guess you’ve answered that for me…” Chad still sounds amused, forcing Jensen count to ten to keep from snapping.
”Alright, you know he gets jealous, right?” Chad continues, and Jensen coughs, choking on nothing but pure surprise.
”What?” He sputters, disbelievingly. ”No he doesn’t!”
Chad sounds exasperated when he continues. ”Look, get over the fact that I know something about your boy that you don’t, okay? Trust me, I’m right about this.”
”But…” Jensen’s not quite ready to drop it, never in four years had he seen signs of Jared being jealous of his girlfriends, seemingly secure and safe in his relationships. And even if he was, he wasn’t in a relationship now, that Jensen knew of, unless… ”Are you two a thing now?” He asks, confusion complete.
”Fuck no, Jenny. You know I don’t swing that way. Anyone ever tell you you’re kinda slow?”
”All the damn time, now shut up and get on with it” Jensen thinks, but what comes out is; ”Just tell me, come on, this is for Jared, right?”
”Sure, but stop protesting all the damn time, I know Jared, okay? I know what I’m talking about.” Chad sounds serious again, and Jensen keeps quiet, nodding uselessly in hopes of him continuing quickly.
”So you may not know that your boy gets jealous…cause he gets jealous of you.”
”What??” Jensen can’t withhold his surprise at that, wracking his brain for any reason why Jared should be jealous of him. Jared’s younger, more fit, had a bigger chance at a movie career, is better with people than Jensen ever would be…he’s pretty much perfect.
”Shut uuuup…” Chad scolds, seemingly losing his patience - if it was even there in the first place. ”What I’m saying isn’t that he wants to be you, he wants to be with you. Catch my drift yet?”
Jensen stays silent for a few seconds, shaking his head violently, words of denial on his tongue that he never manages to utter as Chad continues.
”Yeah, so maybe…I dunno, you pretend to hook up with someone, maybe that’ll lure him out of hiding.”
”You’re wrong,” Jensen whispers, disbelief settled in every ounce of his body.
”Yeah, no, I’m not. Look, I know you don’t believe me, so how about you think of it like a buddy thing, like he gets jealous if you have another friend? Invite someone over, a guy, and see if it draws him out. And, you know, try to seem…close.”
Jensen’s still in his state of non-belief, but he can’t think of anything else to say, wanting to hang up and pretend he didn’t hear this, as it’s too confusing to deal with on top of everything else. Jared isn’t…doesn’t…just…no.
”You there Jenny?” Chad finally asks when the silence has stretched for too long.
”Yeah, I’m here,” Jensen croaks. ”But..what does that even mean?”
”Look, I’m not too comfortable telling you this stuff in the first place, so ask Jared, not me,
okay? Just try it, it might work. Alright, I gotta run, good luck and tell me when he’s back.”
They share goodbyes quickly and then Chad hangs up, leaving Jensen dazed and confused and not a little shell-shocked.
He sits there, paralyzed, for long minutes - wondering if Chad meant what it sounded like he meant. The idea of Jared having feelings for him, that would make him jealous, even - it was simply unfathomable. He’s never seen any signs of either feelings of attraction or jealousy - and he’s spent a lot of time with him. Just as he remembers the vague reasons he got for Jared’s break ups and starts to consider it as reality, he pushes that thought away and forces himself into action. No matter if Chad’s completely wrong about this or not, calling Mike or Tom for a boy’s night couldn’t hurt, right?
~~*~~
To Jensen’s luck Mike is in town, cause even if Tom’s his buddy, Mike is the better choice for this operation, even Jensen gets that. Plus, he doesn’t get to see Mike that often anymore, so it’s a win-win whether Jared reacts or not. By midnight, Jensen’s breezy and Mike’s flat out drunk, both of them laughing after a round of playful competition over who can imitate Tom and Jared more. Jensen loves impersonating Jared, and thinks he’s pretty good at it, but Mike’s the master at parodies so he gives up fighting for his victory after a few half-hearted tries. They still play-fight over it, their inebriation messing with their balance, causing them to land on the floor, rolling around in a jovial chaos. When Jensen gets the upper hand, Mike cheats by tickling him, making their chuckles turn into full-on-belly laughs and the occasional screech from Jensen.
They’re too far along to know up from down by the time a sound surprises them, though not as much as the sight of Jared storming in, eyes wide with something akin to fury. Jensen and Mike fall away from each other, still panting from the exertion even as they look at Jared, trying and failing to make sense of the situation.
Turns out, Chad knew what he was talking about.
Jensen has to physically stop Jared from attacking Mike, the surprise making his reaction time slower, which means that Jared’s straddled Mike and grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt before Jensen manages to grip his shoulders and pull him off.
”Jared, what are you doing!?” Jensen shouts when the surprise has settled enough for him to get his voice back. He’s got his arms around Jared’s wide shoulders still, though they’re facing each other now.
”Back off, Mike!” Jared shouts back, his eyes locked with Jensen’s even with his words directed at Mike.
”What the hell?” Jensen shouts back, shooting a quick look over at Mike, who’s gotten to his feet and is watching them, looking uncharacteristically serious and more than a little shocked.
”You’re mine , Jensen,” Jared growls next, his deepened voice making Jensen shiver, apprehension settling like a chill down his spine.
”I’m what??” Jensen’s voice is unusually high-pitched, searching Jared’s eyes, desperately looking for something he can recognize, the friend he knows instead of the irate, irrational man in front of him.
”Mine,” Jared simply repeats, voice still dark and unrecognizable, and then Jensen finally recognizes something: he sees the desperation of two nights ago, the tremors running through his friend’s body, the need radiating from his eyes.
Shit.
”Um…yeah, sure, Jared, just…relax, alright?” He squeezes Jared’s shoulder once, firmly, before turning to Mike. ”Mike…look, is it alright if we call it a night? I think I need to talk to Jared.” Jensen tries to keep his voice level, neutral, but his eyes are pleading Mike not to ask or protest.
Mike apparently sees his plea, but still hesitates, obviously scared by Jared’s atypical aggression, and frankly, Jensen doesn’t blame him. After a few second’s hesitance he caves though, turning around and heading for the door, casting one last worried glance at Jared and one last ”are you sure?” look at Jensen.
Jensen sighs when the door shuts behind him, somehow relieved that he’s alone with this strange version of Jared- more worried about Mike’s reaction to him than Jared himself.
Speaking of Jared. He’s still standing there, his frantic eyes boring into Jensen’s, his nostrils flaring and chest raising with every heavy breath.
”Jared.” Jensen starts carefully, testing the waters, trying to show a level of calm and understanding he’s not even close to feeling. ”What do you mean, ’I’m yours’?”
”You’re mine. Not Mike’s,” Jared sneers, his eyes burning with intensity, forcing Jensen to look away. The second he does though, Jared’s hand is on his jaw, clutching it and forcing him to look up, to face him.
”Mine,” He repeats, before surprising Jensen yet again by leaning in and kissing him, a forceful meeting of their lips, a touch that doesn’t resemble a caress or an expression of love, but speaks of ownership, of promise, of determination.
”What the…?” Jensen sputters, jerking backwards in an automatic reaction. ”Jared?”
Surprisingly, Jared lets go of his jaw and allows him to move away, but he closes the distance quickly, his expression changing from desperate to something more akin to pleading.
”Please, Jensen…I…I need you,” Jared whispers, the change from the erratic shouting before making Jensen dizzy with confusion.
”Need me?” The question comes out soft, Jensen’s heart breaking slightly when facing his friend in such dire distress. ”Like…the other night?”
The words are hard to get out, but he’s vowed again and again over the last two days, that if Jared returned and was still- cursed- he’d help him again. Between seeing his friend in excruciating pain and crossing a line that’s already been crossed - it’s not even a choice.
Jared shakes his head, unexpectedly, before looking around the room, breathing a little calmer now, grabbing Jensen’s hand and pulling him over to the couch, where they sit down, bodies turned towards one another.
”Look, Jensen, shit, I’m sorry about that, I…I don’t know what got into me. I tried to leave, but I can’t. I don’t know what’s going on, but…I can’t leave you behind. I’m sorry.” Jared’s voice is softer now, his eyes too, more himself than Jensen has seen him since he entered in a frenzy.
”Then don’t leave,” Jensen tries to reason, confused when the glimmer of hope in Jared’s eyes is replaced with something akin to remorse.
”But…I have to, Jensen, I don’t want you to get sick because of me.” His words like an argument, his voice like a plea, begging Jensen to understand.
Jensen’s getting more than a little frustrated, dragging his hand down his face to get a grip, find a little patience and comfort in the familiar gesture.
”I get that, Jay, trust me. But here’s the thing- I don’t want you to get sick either. And after last time- I didn’t get ill. And you’ve stayed away for two days- that must mean you’ve stayed okay too, right?” Jensen waits for Jared to nod his agreement before he continues. ”So…maybe this whole thing -the curse- was to make us hook up?”
”What?” Jared reacts like Jensen had expected ; with complete and utter disbelief. ”That’s…what?” he asks again, getting up from the couch, gesturing with his hands like he tends to do when he’s frustrated. Or excited, or happy, though that’s another matter.
Jensen sighs, and then inhales deeply, feeling desperate for air, for a calm breath, for a break.
”I’m just saying. If it was that girl…then maybe it was because she wanted some sort of revenge, or something. And maybe this is how she does it?”
”Revenge? Why would she…?” Realization dawns before Jensen’s eyes, and Jared’s arms fall down to his sides. ”You rejected her.”
Jensen’s the picture of guilt, his head in his hands and he doesn’t bother to look up to make sure Jared understands.
Jared gets on his knees in front of him., using his index finger to raise Jensen’s chin, forcing him to look up.
”Look, that’s not your fault even if it’s true. And anyway, the curse was aimed at me, right? So…” Jared stops talking, not because he’s finished, but because Jensen is just so close. He’s right there, gorgeous and emotional and caring and everything Jared has wanted for so long, and suddenly none of his usual reasons for not kissing Jensen seem to be valid anymore.
Time comes to a halt as he leans forward, the few inches between him and Jensen seemingly taking hours to close. Even so, Jensen doesn’t move away- doesn’t even flinch, just sits there, waiting, and then Jared’s thoughts turn into a jumble of incoherent words as his lips finally connect with Jensen’s. They’re as soft as they look - giving way when Jared presses against them lightly. Even as wonderful as being this close to him feels it’s nothing like the sensation that runs through him when the lips part, allowing him entrance, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
A sound is released from somewhere in Jared’s throat- an embarrassingly needy sound, a whine that turns into a groan as the seconds pass, the kiss turning into something more than an uncertain meeting of their lips; turning into an entity of its own.
The spell is broken after a short while, when Jensen suddenly pulls back - jerks back more like it- and Jared realizes in a flash what he’s done. He copies Jensen’s movement- falling backwards after scrambling to keep his balance, placed as he is on his knees.
”Shit- Jensen, I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know, shit, I’m sorry…” words come flying out, uncontrollable and incoherent.
”You kissed me.” Jensen simply states, voice flat, his face void of emotion.
”Yes, I’m sorry, Jensen, I wasn’t thinking, I was just…I don’t know, you were there and suddenly I couldn’t help myself and then…” Jared’s flailing now, gotten back up on his knees, but further away on the floor.
”You kissed me,” Jensen repeats, eyes glazed over, glancing into nothing and then he swallows, fixing his gaze on Jared’s. ”Why?”
It’s a simple question, supposedly, one word with many possible responses, but Jared can’t decide on anything to say.
”Jared.” Jensen pushes, voice quiet but with distinct strength. ”Please? Answer me? Was it…the curse?”
Jared’s eyes scan the room frantically, dodging Jensen’s intense stare for as long as he can, before he simply gives up and sighs. This has gone on too long anyway, and it’s not like the kiss didn’t give it away. He gets up and takes a seat next to Jensen on the couch.
”It wasn’t the curse,” he gets out, his voice threatening to break with each word. ”It was just me. I…well, you know. Like you.”
Jensen still looks at him intently, the same unwavering look directed at him, and Jared tries to return it, even as he’s feeling like the ground is shaking beneath him after the earth-shattering news he just broke.
”Oh,” Jensen simply says, and Jared’s heart plummets in his chest. ”You…like me.” His gaze turns questioning, ”how much?”
”How much do I like you?” Jared repeats. ”Um…as much as someone can possibly like someone else I guess. Like…love.” He chokes on the last sound, pent up emotions suddenly put into words too much to bear, and he gets up, needing to distance himself, brave himself for the rejection ahead.
He can hear Jensen getting up after him, and he doesn’t get more than a few steps away before Jensen’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around, a movement too firm for him to resist in his emotive state.
His head is bent towards his chest in shame so there’s no need for Jensen to get on his toes, and so in the very next second, Jared’s taken by surprise by Jensen’s lips on his own. It’s a hard kiss, determination written clearly in the firm touch, and Jared couldn’t move away even if he wanted to. It only lasts a few seconds, nothing but lips against lips, bodies pressed closed together, and then it’s over, Jensen leaning his head back, waiting to speak until Jared faces him.
”You idiot. How could you not know I liked you too?”
He shakes his head in disbelief, and Jared’s searching his mushy brain for any words to use for his response.
”I…what?” Is all that comes out, his confusion clear in everything from his clenching and unclenching fists to the furrow between his eyebrows.
”I. Like. You. Too.” Jensen repeats, slowly, like Jared’s slow, like the words he’s uttering are mundane and not the most shocking revelation Jared’s ever heard.
”Bu-” Jared starts, and thankfully, since he doesn’t know what he’s going to say, he’s promptly shut up. By Jensen’s lips. It’s another firm press of their mouths together, again speaking of determination and urgency, and Jared’s too baffled to respond for the two seconds it lasts. Then Jensen leans back slightly, waiting to speak until Jared’s eyes meet his.
”Just…let me do this. Let us have this.”
His words somehow manage to calm Jared down, and when Jensen leans forward again, he’s more prepared for the kiss, though the intensity of it still has him reeling. It’s a meeting of their lips, but it’s more than that- it’s declarations of love, it’s relief, it’s comfort and reassurance. Kissing turns into touching, hands roaming across their newly won territory, discovering and claiming -all with a frantic need and urgency strangely mixed with a sense of calm. Night turns into early morning, and by the time the sun rises the questions of ”why” and ”how” no longer seem to matter, the pain is forgotten and all that matters is here, now, them. Everything else they will face together.
~~*~~
Fandom/pairing: Spn RPS, Jared/Jensen (first-time)
Written by: ellydee27
Rating:Adult
Word count: ~5000/~10000
Summary: Jared’s not feeling too good, all of the sudden craving food and…other things…desperately. Suspicion rises that something supernatural is going on, but what, how and why? With Jensen’s help, he tries to find answers before it’s too late.
Warnings: M/m sexual concepts, mention of thoughts of suicide.
Author’s notes: This is my contribution to the J2 fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders! ladyrhyanne won me, and gave me a very detailed prompt- hope this is close to what you wanted, honey.
Author’s notes 2: The second and last part of the story! I never thought I’d write anything like this, so feedback is especially appreciated this time!
Hope you enjoy :)
"PART ONE"
~~*~~
Arriving at the house, still not a word spoken between them, Jared heads for the kitchen to get them both a beer, handing one to Jensen, who’s collapsed on the couch. Jared’s feeling energized, his whole body humming with contentment after escaping the clutching jaws of pain he’s been trapped in.
Jensen looks exhausted though, and guilt gnaws at Jared once again, observing the stiffness and delay in his movements as he twists off the cap and finishes the beverage in two long pulls.
”You okay?” he ventures carefully, taking a seat on the two-seater next to the larger one Jensen’s draped across.
”Yeah, don’t worry, Jay, I’m just tired. Been up almost twenty-four hours now,” Jensen gestures vaguely, then closes his eyes, tight, like he’s trying to wake himself up. ”We should try to do some more research though, get your computer too, I’ll try calling Gina again.”
”No.” Jared’s reply causes Jensen to raise his head questioningly. ”You should sleep. You have to sleep. Just give me the number, I’ll call, and I’ll use your computer and your browsing history. Deal?”
Jensen’s struggling to accept the terms, but when he shakes his head, Jared notices his eyes aren’t following the movement, too slow, unfocused by his level of fatigue.
”Come on Jensen, no offense, but you’re not gonna do a good job of researching when you’re that tired. Get a few hours at least, I’ll wake you up later.”
”You sure you gonna be okay alone?” Jensen’s eyes are wide with concern, and timing’s never been Jared’s strong suit so he finds himself getting lost in them for a long minute, the beauty of them as hypnotizing as ever.
”I’m not alone, and yes, I will. Now, two things, but then you’re sleeping. First of all, what should I do about work, and second…are you feeling alright?”
”Work. I’ll call and say you’re in hospital, and yes, I’m feeling fine, Jay. Honest. Maybe…maybe it worked somehow?”
”Fuck, let’s hope so. Alright, make the call then head to bed, I’ll wake you up in a few.” Jared’s lying, and judging by the skeptical look Jensen sends him, he knows. Jared’s plan is to let him sleep for however long he’s able to.
Jensen groans as he gets up from the couch, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sifting through the contact list to call the producer. He slaps Jared on the shoulder, reassuringly, and heads for his room while he talks.
~~*~~
Jared pulls up Jensen’s computer, checks the last viewed pages and tries to expand on the search his friend’s done. It’s all myths and hypotheses, sometimes portrayed as truth, sometimes not, and after an hour he’s more confused than ever. After reading a paragraph three times without understanding it, Jared sighs deeply and gives up.
He gets to his feet and heads to the kitchen for another beer, crouching down and scratching Sadie while nursing his drink. After a minute Harley joins them, nuzzling at Jared’s neck, reachable now that he’s sitting on the floor. Finishing off his bottle, he applies both his hands to caressing his animals, briefly thinking back on his desperate plan in the hospital, wondering if they would miss him and if Jensen would be the one to care for them.
Jensen. That’s what it all revolves back to, who it’s all about.
So much has happened in so few hours, and now it all comes back to him, threatening to completely overwhelm him with it’s significance. The pain and the…curse…is one thing, but it’s impossible to remember that now, when he feels fine and normal.
What he does remember, vividly, is Jensen. His sacrifice, his determination, his touch, tearing him apart and healing him all at once.
Jared can’t help but feel like something significant happened when he climaxed by aid of Jensen’s hand. It felt like a rush beyond what he’s ever experienced, like a surge of power ran through him in addition to the pain relief.
It breathes hope into him, the thought that somehow Jensen will be able to cure him, and he clamps down on it, not wanting to get irrational and start grasping at straws. He tells himself the force of the climax and the effects afterwards was because of his own attraction to Jensen, that it seemed like something more than just a physical reaction because of his own emotional involvement.
Jared nods to himself, thinking that his reasoning makes sense, sending a wry smirk to Sadie, who’s eyeing him questioningly. Sadie’s always been the smart one and Jared’s sure he can see worry and pity in her gaze.
”Yeah, I know. You got one crazy human, don’t you, girl.” He whispers into her fur, feeling calm radiating from her, her soft, relaxed panting soothing him.
Jensen had taken a huge chance tonight, risked his health and his life, and Jared hadn’t even thanked him. Not because he didn’t deserve it, but because it was too much for a simple ”thank you”. Words can’t be used to repay or even acknowledge what he did, and Jared’s thoughts about his actions are still highly conflicted.
He had meant what he said in the hospital, about not seeing a way out from this if it continues. He could see Jensen panicking when he’d mentioned it, and he can empathize, knows that he’d react the same way if their positions were reversed. Knows he’d try everything, too, offer himself up without hesitation, just like Jensen did.
Suddenly filled with an urgent need to check on his friend, Jared gets to his feet, surprising both his dogs by the hurried movement.
He runs up the stairs, two steps at the time, then slows down as he tip-toes down the hall to Jensen’s room. The door’s agape, and Jared can see Jensen fast asleep, crouched in fetus-position, on hand under his chin. In the silence of the house Jared can hear his even breath, the sound calming Jared’s racing heart.
It’s not the first time Jared’s watched Jensen sleep. It’s not something he’s proud of, but after they moved in together, watching Jensen sleep has been his favorite remedy for when he can’t sleep. His restlessness does continue on into the night at times, and padding out across the hall, opening the door carefully and watching his friend sleep has filled many sleepless hours over the years. It was on one of those nights, a year ago or more, that the realization had hit: that he was hopelessly, endlessly in love with his best friend.
Standing here, watching him again, another realization hits: he has to leave. He has to get away, leave Jensen alone.
Staying would mean waiting for the symptoms to return, and then Jensen would offer himself up again. Jared can’t allow him to take that chance, can’t risk hurting his friend. He looks fine where he is, sleeping peacefully, body lax and gorgeous, but Jared aches from worrying over how he’ll feel in a few hours, or tomorrow…
He drinks in the sight of his best friend, the object of his love and affection, before turning around decidedly, sneaking into his own room and finding a duffle bag. He spends a few minutes packing random items, not knowing where he’s going, what he’s going to do, how long he’s going to stay gone. It’s really all about one thing: keeping Jensen safe. That’s where his plan begins and ends.
~~*~~
He should have known it wouldn’t work, a too-simple solution for a too-complex problem.
Even if he gets in the car with the best of intentions, he can’t seem to make himself drive away. He only gets around the corner before something compels him to stop, the sensation so powerful that he pulls over immediately. Hanging his head, he tries to calm himself down and think everything through, try to make sense of the situation.
He stays there, in his car, for hours, watching the morning rush starting, people exiting their houses and getting ready for another normal day. Watching the normalcy playing out right in front of his eyes makes the last 24 hours seem unreal, just like the pain seemed unreal when Jensen had taken it away. The contrast between the dark thoughts he’d had that same night and the families getting ready for their day is mind-boggling.
Even surrounded by everyday life Jared can’t feel either normal or relaxed. He considers going back to the house, wanting so much to be able to return and having everything be back to normal. With a feat of strength he pushes that thought away, knowing it’s grasping at straws, wishing for a simple way out.
Forcing himself to remember the reality of what’s going on, he tries to analyze what he knows so far. The facts add up, sort of, if you believe in witches and curses that is. Barring that, and the little mystery of why he’s been cursed, which really isn’t a little thing at all, what puzzles him the most is how a hand job from Jensen could make him feel better than all the blow jobs he’d had so far. He didn’t just feel pain-free after, he felt energized, vitalized, high. like he’s had four bags of sour candy followed by a run and a big belly laugh with his friends.
He mulls over it, not coming up with a real answer, until his need for sleep finally catches up with him, his eyelids feeling steadily heavier until he dozes off.
~~*~~
It’s a cool winter day, but the sun is shining through his windshield when he awakes, hours later, stiffness in his muscles and a chill set in his bones. He rubs his neck with his own hand, trying to loosen the knots, while distractedly turning on the engine and the heater.
Checking his watch, he sees that it’s closing in on 11.am. After a blissful few seconds of relief from his worries they all hit him instantly. He sighs deeply, shaking his head in a useless effort to clear it, and instead of allowing his mind to return to worrying over the hundred unanswered questions that’s running through it, he asks himself a simpler question: what to do next.
~~*~~
By the end of the day, Jared’s realized two things. One, he’s still feeling better than he has since this whole thing started, and two, which is weirder; he’s not able to leave Jensen behind, gets the strangest ache in his chest every time he’s tried. An ache that’s made him follow Jensen around all day, hiding in his car like a regular stalker, at a distance just far enough not to be noticed.
Or so he thinks.
Truth is, Jensen sees Jared’s not-so-inconspicuous car parked two rows over when he goes grocery shopping. Sees a familiar head of floppy hair ducking down behind a garbage container outside the café where he eats lunch. Sees a tall shadow under the lit-up cone of the street light outside their house at night. Sees him all through his day but doesn’t say anything, simply because he understands what he’s friend is doing, or trying to do. Jared is the kind of friend who would leave to spare Jensen, but he’s also the kind of friend who can’t stay away without knowing he’s alright. And Jensen is alright.
~~*~~
The game of unplanned tag that they’re playing continues for two whole days, Jensen going in to work the second day, feeling perfectly fine apart from verging on annoyed with his friend. ”Supernatural” just isn’t a one-man -show, he came in alone and there’s little or nothing that can be shot with only him, and the frustration radiating from the crew seems undeservedly directed at him.
Surprisingly, Jared feels fine too. No aches or pains tormenting him, no desperate craving running through his veins. Apart from his inability to be more than 600 feet away from Jensen, he feels…normal. Still thinking he needs to stay away, and still not able to, but apart from that….normal.
~~*~~
After a day on set, not getting anything done because of his costar’s absence, Jensen’s limited patience has run out. The return to normalcy makes Jared’s pain and their whole curse-theory seem like a dream for him too, unreal in all it’s desperation and horror, and Jensen finds himself thinking of ways to make Jared come back. Jensen’s feeling fine, Jared seems fine enough in the short glimpses he’s gotten - there’s really no reason why he shouldn’t stop avoiding him and get back to their normal routine.
~~*~~
It’s hard to convince someone when they won’t talk to you though. Jared isn’t picking up his phone, and after trying to get through via Chad he knows he isn’t picking up when he calls either.
But Chad turns out to be surprisingly useful. Jensen tells a white lie when it comes to why he needs to get a hold of Jared, but Chad seems to understand the gravity of the situation anyway, knowing his friend wouldn’t try to run away unless something serious was going on.
”So…I might have an idea,” Chad drawls over the phone, somehow seeming uninterested and incredibly focused all at once, one of the many reasons Jensen’s never fully understood him.
”Yeah? What is it?” Jensen hears the desperation in his own voice, mentally berating himself for letting it shine through when Chad chuckles on the other end.
”I was gonna ask if it was really that important to you, but I guess you’ve answered that for me…” Chad still sounds amused, forcing Jensen count to ten to keep from snapping.
”Alright, you know he gets jealous, right?” Chad continues, and Jensen coughs, choking on nothing but pure surprise.
”What?” He sputters, disbelievingly. ”No he doesn’t!”
Chad sounds exasperated when he continues. ”Look, get over the fact that I know something about your boy that you don’t, okay? Trust me, I’m right about this.”
”But…” Jensen’s not quite ready to drop it, never in four years had he seen signs of Jared being jealous of his girlfriends, seemingly secure and safe in his relationships. And even if he was, he wasn’t in a relationship now, that Jensen knew of, unless… ”Are you two a thing now?” He asks, confusion complete.
”Fuck no, Jenny. You know I don’t swing that way. Anyone ever tell you you’re kinda slow?”
”All the damn time, now shut up and get on with it” Jensen thinks, but what comes out is; ”Just tell me, come on, this is for Jared, right?”
”Sure, but stop protesting all the damn time, I know Jared, okay? I know what I’m talking about.” Chad sounds serious again, and Jensen keeps quiet, nodding uselessly in hopes of him continuing quickly.
”So you may not know that your boy gets jealous…cause he gets jealous of you.”
”What??” Jensen can’t withhold his surprise at that, wracking his brain for any reason why Jared should be jealous of him. Jared’s younger, more fit, had a bigger chance at a movie career, is better with people than Jensen ever would be…he’s pretty much perfect.
”Shut uuuup…” Chad scolds, seemingly losing his patience - if it was even there in the first place. ”What I’m saying isn’t that he wants to be you, he wants to be with you. Catch my drift yet?”
Jensen stays silent for a few seconds, shaking his head violently, words of denial on his tongue that he never manages to utter as Chad continues.
”Yeah, so maybe…I dunno, you pretend to hook up with someone, maybe that’ll lure him out of hiding.”
”You’re wrong,” Jensen whispers, disbelief settled in every ounce of his body.
”Yeah, no, I’m not. Look, I know you don’t believe me, so how about you think of it like a buddy thing, like he gets jealous if you have another friend? Invite someone over, a guy, and see if it draws him out. And, you know, try to seem…close.”
Jensen’s still in his state of non-belief, but he can’t think of anything else to say, wanting to hang up and pretend he didn’t hear this, as it’s too confusing to deal with on top of everything else. Jared isn’t…doesn’t…just…no.
”You there Jenny?” Chad finally asks when the silence has stretched for too long.
”Yeah, I’m here,” Jensen croaks. ”But..what does that even mean?”
”Look, I’m not too comfortable telling you this stuff in the first place, so ask Jared, not me,
okay? Just try it, it might work. Alright, I gotta run, good luck and tell me when he’s back.”
They share goodbyes quickly and then Chad hangs up, leaving Jensen dazed and confused and not a little shell-shocked.
He sits there, paralyzed, for long minutes - wondering if Chad meant what it sounded like he meant. The idea of Jared having feelings for him, that would make him jealous, even - it was simply unfathomable. He’s never seen any signs of either feelings of attraction or jealousy - and he’s spent a lot of time with him. Just as he remembers the vague reasons he got for Jared’s break ups and starts to consider it as reality, he pushes that thought away and forces himself into action. No matter if Chad’s completely wrong about this or not, calling Mike or Tom for a boy’s night couldn’t hurt, right?
~~*~~
To Jensen’s luck Mike is in town, cause even if Tom’s his buddy, Mike is the better choice for this operation, even Jensen gets that. Plus, he doesn’t get to see Mike that often anymore, so it’s a win-win whether Jared reacts or not. By midnight, Jensen’s breezy and Mike’s flat out drunk, both of them laughing after a round of playful competition over who can imitate Tom and Jared more. Jensen loves impersonating Jared, and thinks he’s pretty good at it, but Mike’s the master at parodies so he gives up fighting for his victory after a few half-hearted tries. They still play-fight over it, their inebriation messing with their balance, causing them to land on the floor, rolling around in a jovial chaos. When Jensen gets the upper hand, Mike cheats by tickling him, making their chuckles turn into full-on-belly laughs and the occasional screech from Jensen.
They’re too far along to know up from down by the time a sound surprises them, though not as much as the sight of Jared storming in, eyes wide with something akin to fury. Jensen and Mike fall away from each other, still panting from the exertion even as they look at Jared, trying and failing to make sense of the situation.
Turns out, Chad knew what he was talking about.
Jensen has to physically stop Jared from attacking Mike, the surprise making his reaction time slower, which means that Jared’s straddled Mike and grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt before Jensen manages to grip his shoulders and pull him off.
”Jared, what are you doing!?” Jensen shouts when the surprise has settled enough for him to get his voice back. He’s got his arms around Jared’s wide shoulders still, though they’re facing each other now.
”Back off, Mike!” Jared shouts back, his eyes locked with Jensen’s even with his words directed at Mike.
”What the hell?” Jensen shouts back, shooting a quick look over at Mike, who’s gotten to his feet and is watching them, looking uncharacteristically serious and more than a little shocked.
”You’re mine , Jensen,” Jared growls next, his deepened voice making Jensen shiver, apprehension settling like a chill down his spine.
”I’m what??” Jensen’s voice is unusually high-pitched, searching Jared’s eyes, desperately looking for something he can recognize, the friend he knows instead of the irate, irrational man in front of him.
”Mine,” Jared simply repeats, voice still dark and unrecognizable, and then Jensen finally recognizes something: he sees the desperation of two nights ago, the tremors running through his friend’s body, the need radiating from his eyes.
Shit.
”Um…yeah, sure, Jared, just…relax, alright?” He squeezes Jared’s shoulder once, firmly, before turning to Mike. ”Mike…look, is it alright if we call it a night? I think I need to talk to Jared.” Jensen tries to keep his voice level, neutral, but his eyes are pleading Mike not to ask or protest.
Mike apparently sees his plea, but still hesitates, obviously scared by Jared’s atypical aggression, and frankly, Jensen doesn’t blame him. After a few second’s hesitance he caves though, turning around and heading for the door, casting one last worried glance at Jared and one last ”are you sure?” look at Jensen.
Jensen sighs when the door shuts behind him, somehow relieved that he’s alone with this strange version of Jared- more worried about Mike’s reaction to him than Jared himself.
Speaking of Jared. He’s still standing there, his frantic eyes boring into Jensen’s, his nostrils flaring and chest raising with every heavy breath.
”Jared.” Jensen starts carefully, testing the waters, trying to show a level of calm and understanding he’s not even close to feeling. ”What do you mean, ’I’m yours’?”
”You’re mine. Not Mike’s,” Jared sneers, his eyes burning with intensity, forcing Jensen to look away. The second he does though, Jared’s hand is on his jaw, clutching it and forcing him to look up, to face him.
”Mine,” He repeats, before surprising Jensen yet again by leaning in and kissing him, a forceful meeting of their lips, a touch that doesn’t resemble a caress or an expression of love, but speaks of ownership, of promise, of determination.
”What the…?” Jensen sputters, jerking backwards in an automatic reaction. ”Jared?”
Surprisingly, Jared lets go of his jaw and allows him to move away, but he closes the distance quickly, his expression changing from desperate to something more akin to pleading.
”Please, Jensen…I…I need you,” Jared whispers, the change from the erratic shouting before making Jensen dizzy with confusion.
”Need me?” The question comes out soft, Jensen’s heart breaking slightly when facing his friend in such dire distress. ”Like…the other night?”
The words are hard to get out, but he’s vowed again and again over the last two days, that if Jared returned and was still- cursed- he’d help him again. Between seeing his friend in excruciating pain and crossing a line that’s already been crossed - it’s not even a choice.
Jared shakes his head, unexpectedly, before looking around the room, breathing a little calmer now, grabbing Jensen’s hand and pulling him over to the couch, where they sit down, bodies turned towards one another.
”Look, Jensen, shit, I’m sorry about that, I…I don’t know what got into me. I tried to leave, but I can’t. I don’t know what’s going on, but…I can’t leave you behind. I’m sorry.” Jared’s voice is softer now, his eyes too, more himself than Jensen has seen him since he entered in a frenzy.
”Then don’t leave,” Jensen tries to reason, confused when the glimmer of hope in Jared’s eyes is replaced with something akin to remorse.
”But…I have to, Jensen, I don’t want you to get sick because of me.” His words like an argument, his voice like a plea, begging Jensen to understand.
Jensen’s getting more than a little frustrated, dragging his hand down his face to get a grip, find a little patience and comfort in the familiar gesture.
”I get that, Jay, trust me. But here’s the thing- I don’t want you to get sick either. And after last time- I didn’t get ill. And you’ve stayed away for two days- that must mean you’ve stayed okay too, right?” Jensen waits for Jared to nod his agreement before he continues. ”So…maybe this whole thing -the curse- was to make us hook up?”
”What?” Jared reacts like Jensen had expected ; with complete and utter disbelief. ”That’s…what?” he asks again, getting up from the couch, gesturing with his hands like he tends to do when he’s frustrated. Or excited, or happy, though that’s another matter.
Jensen sighs, and then inhales deeply, feeling desperate for air, for a calm breath, for a break.
”I’m just saying. If it was that girl…then maybe it was because she wanted some sort of revenge, or something. And maybe this is how she does it?”
”Revenge? Why would she…?” Realization dawns before Jensen’s eyes, and Jared’s arms fall down to his sides. ”You rejected her.”
Jensen’s the picture of guilt, his head in his hands and he doesn’t bother to look up to make sure Jared understands.
Jared gets on his knees in front of him., using his index finger to raise Jensen’s chin, forcing him to look up.
”Look, that’s not your fault even if it’s true. And anyway, the curse was aimed at me, right? So…” Jared stops talking, not because he’s finished, but because Jensen is just so close. He’s right there, gorgeous and emotional and caring and everything Jared has wanted for so long, and suddenly none of his usual reasons for not kissing Jensen seem to be valid anymore.
Time comes to a halt as he leans forward, the few inches between him and Jensen seemingly taking hours to close. Even so, Jensen doesn’t move away- doesn’t even flinch, just sits there, waiting, and then Jared’s thoughts turn into a jumble of incoherent words as his lips finally connect with Jensen’s. They’re as soft as they look - giving way when Jared presses against them lightly. Even as wonderful as being this close to him feels it’s nothing like the sensation that runs through him when the lips part, allowing him entrance, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
A sound is released from somewhere in Jared’s throat- an embarrassingly needy sound, a whine that turns into a groan as the seconds pass, the kiss turning into something more than an uncertain meeting of their lips; turning into an entity of its own.
The spell is broken after a short while, when Jensen suddenly pulls back - jerks back more like it- and Jared realizes in a flash what he’s done. He copies Jensen’s movement- falling backwards after scrambling to keep his balance, placed as he is on his knees.
”Shit- Jensen, I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know, shit, I’m sorry…” words come flying out, uncontrollable and incoherent.
”You kissed me.” Jensen simply states, voice flat, his face void of emotion.
”Yes, I’m sorry, Jensen, I wasn’t thinking, I was just…I don’t know, you were there and suddenly I couldn’t help myself and then…” Jared’s flailing now, gotten back up on his knees, but further away on the floor.
”You kissed me,” Jensen repeats, eyes glazed over, glancing into nothing and then he swallows, fixing his gaze on Jared’s. ”Why?”
It’s a simple question, supposedly, one word with many possible responses, but Jared can’t decide on anything to say.
”Jared.” Jensen pushes, voice quiet but with distinct strength. ”Please? Answer me? Was it…the curse?”
Jared’s eyes scan the room frantically, dodging Jensen’s intense stare for as long as he can, before he simply gives up and sighs. This has gone on too long anyway, and it’s not like the kiss didn’t give it away. He gets up and takes a seat next to Jensen on the couch.
”It wasn’t the curse,” he gets out, his voice threatening to break with each word. ”It was just me. I…well, you know. Like you.”
Jensen still looks at him intently, the same unwavering look directed at him, and Jared tries to return it, even as he’s feeling like the ground is shaking beneath him after the earth-shattering news he just broke.
”Oh,” Jensen simply says, and Jared’s heart plummets in his chest. ”You…like me.” His gaze turns questioning, ”how much?”
”How much do I like you?” Jared repeats. ”Um…as much as someone can possibly like someone else I guess. Like…love.” He chokes on the last sound, pent up emotions suddenly put into words too much to bear, and he gets up, needing to distance himself, brave himself for the rejection ahead.
He can hear Jensen getting up after him, and he doesn’t get more than a few steps away before Jensen’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around, a movement too firm for him to resist in his emotive state.
His head is bent towards his chest in shame so there’s no need for Jensen to get on his toes, and so in the very next second, Jared’s taken by surprise by Jensen’s lips on his own. It’s a hard kiss, determination written clearly in the firm touch, and Jared couldn’t move away even if he wanted to. It only lasts a few seconds, nothing but lips against lips, bodies pressed closed together, and then it’s over, Jensen leaning his head back, waiting to speak until Jared faces him.
”You idiot. How could you not know I liked you too?”
He shakes his head in disbelief, and Jared’s searching his mushy brain for any words to use for his response.
”I…what?” Is all that comes out, his confusion clear in everything from his clenching and unclenching fists to the furrow between his eyebrows.
”I. Like. You. Too.” Jensen repeats, slowly, like Jared’s slow, like the words he’s uttering are mundane and not the most shocking revelation Jared’s ever heard.
”Bu-” Jared starts, and thankfully, since he doesn’t know what he’s going to say, he’s promptly shut up. By Jensen’s lips. It’s another firm press of their mouths together, again speaking of determination and urgency, and Jared’s too baffled to respond for the two seconds it lasts. Then Jensen leans back slightly, waiting to speak until Jared’s eyes meet his.
”Just…let me do this. Let us have this.”
His words somehow manage to calm Jared down, and when Jensen leans forward again, he’s more prepared for the kiss, though the intensity of it still has him reeling. It’s a meeting of their lips, but it’s more than that- it’s declarations of love, it’s relief, it’s comfort and reassurance. Kissing turns into touching, hands roaming across their newly won territory, discovering and claiming -all with a frantic need and urgency strangely mixed with a sense of calm. Night turns into early morning, and by the time the sun rises the questions of ”why” and ”how” no longer seem to matter, the pain is forgotten and all that matters is here, now, them. Everything else they will face together.
~~*~~