"If you lead, I might follow", J2, AU, 12/18
Gorgeous header by the lovely smiledrawinglie
Title: If you lead, I might follow
Written by: ellydee27
Fandom/Pairing: CW RPS/J2. AU. Jared/Jensen, Mike/Jeffrey. Other characters: Tom, Chris and more
Rating: This chapter: PG 13, story as a whole: NC17
Word count: ~2710/54,850
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything and I don’t mean any harm. Just having fun.
Beta: The oh,so hard-working jolinarmalkshur -you’re a hero for taking this on! Any remaining errors are mine.
Warnings: Homophobic parents, mentions of past abusive relationship (briefly).
Summary: Jared Padalecki, 19, dance student, recently moved from Texas to New York with his upperclass family. Struggling with the expectations from his family as well as with certain dance moves, he takes a Hip Hop class where he meets Jensen, 23, a stripper with all the confidence in the world. A not-so-classic tale of two worlds colliding, where Jared’s the shy one, Jensen has the coolest friends in the world and neither of them know what they’re doing.
A/N: This story is pretty much finished, so I promise there won’t be too long to wait between chapters. Hope you enjoy, and please take two seconds to leave me a comment!
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Previous chapters:
"Chapter one""Chapter two""Chapter three""Chapter four""Chapter five""Chapter six" "Chapter seven""Chapter eight" "Chapter nine" "Chapter ten" "Chapter eleven"
Jensen
Watching Jared in class is a sweet form of torture. He’s gotten good, moves with determination and intent, and a confidence that makes Jensen weirdly proud. The desire to be touched by his powerful hands is distracting, Jensen groans at the thought of them roaming eagerly across his skin. As the class progresses, Jared’s skin shines with perspiration, and Jensen has to avert his eyes to resist the temptation to run over and taste.
Taking it slow was his own idea, and he knows it’s what Jared needs to be able to trust him. Jensen can’t pretend that it isn’t hard though, not getting exactly what he wants, like he’s used to. Sure, he makes jokes about being slutty, but in reality he simply has strong sexual desires, and he’s never understood why he shouldn’t act on them. And the way he wants Jared now is unlike any desire he’s ever felt. It’s an all - consuming feeling, the intensity of his want making his skin itch. He feels desperately restless, like the one thing that can make him calm down is the one thing he can’t have.
There might be another reason for the jittery feeling, why the expression “butterflies in the stomach” comes to mind when he tries to figure out how he’s feeling. Why the feelings of want feels like need, why the thought of Jared always makes him smile. Why his mind is filled with thoughts of how he can make Jared happy, filled with doubts that he’s not the one Jared needs.
Jared had freaked out when he had mentioned the “L-word” two days earlier but strangely, Jensen doesn’t feel scared thinking about it. Love. The word has soft edges, swimming around in his mind. It feels right; it fits. He’s almost sure that he’s in love. With the sweetest guy he’s ever met: an innocent, shielded, rich kid. His polar opposite.
Jared meets his eyes for the first time when the class is almost finished and they’re being dismissed. He wiggles his eyebrows and grins widely, dimples showing as he wipes the sweat of his forehead. Jensen copies the grin, walking over when they’re told to relax and stretch.
“Hey, boyfriend,” he says, whispering the pet name.
“Hey yourself,” comes the quick reply. “You going straight to work now? I figured I‘d hang back, take advantage of the studio while I still can…”
Jensen sighs. “I have to go, my class starts in like thirty minutes. But…you could come by later, on your way home? I’m on stage around nine thirty, but maybe you could stop by before?”
“Sure.” Jared nods. “I’ll be there at eight thirty or something.”
“Just like that?” Jensen lifts an eyebrow in surprise.
“You thought you had to convince me to come see you?”
Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know, I had some ideas about how I could persuade you…”
Jared raises his eyebrow. “Really? Will I get a reward for showing up? ‘Cause you know, when I think about it, I might have something else planned…”
“Funny.” Jensen hits Jared softly on the shoulder, causing him to fake a pained cry. “I’ll see you then.”
“Yeah, we’ll see. You know, if nothing better comes along.” Jared shrugs casually, but grins at his own joke.
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Jared
“Hey, boss, I’m here, wanna come open the door?” Jared smiles into his cell phone, stopping in front of the back door of “Sin City”.
Instead of a reply, he hears a click as Jensen disconnects, and three seconds later the door opens, revealing a smiling Jensen in jeans and a grey t-shirt.
“Hey, boyfriend.”
The salute makes Jared grins as he enters, the sight of his handsome boyfriend always causing his heart to skip a beat. He follows the shorter man into the back room, where again, Mike’s nowhere to be seen. He flops down on the couch, and has a lap full of Jensen a second later. Jared doesn’t know how he should react to Jensen’s enthusiasm, wide grin and eager expression making him look almost childlike. The moment he ends the train of thought Jensen’s expression has already changed; eyes turned darker and his breathing sped up. Suddenly all thoughts of innocent and childlike are gone: Jensen’s back to being the confident, sexy, sensual being he’s been all along. Jared groans at the look Jensen gives him: pure desire and need written clearly in his crystal green eyes.
Jared finds himself grinning in expectation as Jensen leans forward to capture his lips with his own. The kiss deepens quickly with the built-up the desire they’re both feeling, none of them settling on a simple peck on the lips. Jensen pulls at Jared, maneuvering them until they’re laying down, Jared draped across the shorter frame underneath him.
Hands pull frenetically at t-shirts, tossing them on the floor, leaving them both naked from the waist up. Fingers roam across bodies, mapping each others skin as their heavy breathing accompanies them. Jared sits up and leans back slightly, watching the span of muscles that are on display.
“Fuck, you’re so hot…”
He leans down, wanting to taste, and starts licking his way from the neck to an erect nipple. He stops to pay extra attention to the bud, his nibbling eliciting moans of pleasure from Jensen. Encouraged, Jared bites down a little harder, causing Jensen to buck up, letting out a surprised gasp at the rough caress. Jared chuckles against hot skin as he travels down the flat stomach, leaving wet kisses on the way. Jensen inhales sharply when Jared reaches the waistband of his jeans, nipping gently at the hip bone.
“You’re not wearing underwear?” He asks when he sees nothing but smooth skin under the denim.
“No,” comes the hoarse reply.
“Hey, what’s that?” Jared asks next, distracted by seeing a black edgy shape on the pale skin next to his hipbone.
“What?” Jensen lifts his head, sounding confused, until he sees where Jared’s eyes are fixed.
“Oh, that. It’s a tattoo. Wanna see?” He sits up when Jared nods, making Jared sit back on his shins next to him.
Jensen opens the top buttons of his jeans and pulls aside the fabric, revealing a black, ornamented star.
“Wow.” Jared lets out. “It’s…really cool.” His fingers move to touch it carefully, causing Jensen to take another sharp intake of breath. Jared flinches immediately, pulling his hand away.
“I’m sorry, does it hurt?”
“No, man, it’s just a sensitive spot, you know? It tickles, doesn’t hurt at all.”
Jared can’t look away, fascinated by the black ink on otherwise flawless skin.
“You like?”
Jared just nods in reply to the superfluous question.
“It’s really hot.” He finally gets out. “Does it, like, mean anything?”
Jensen looks at him, obviously considering his next move.
“Do you wanna know even if it’s a long story that will totally ruin the mood?”
“If you want to tell me, then yeah, definitely,” he replies, seriously.
Jensen looks at him one more time, sighs and leans back, looking at his hands in his lap as he starts talking.
“Okay, the short version, since I have to work soon. You know I grew up in Texas, right?” He doesn’t wait for a reply before continuing. “I have a Mom, Dad, older brother, younger sister, like you. Or, well, I used to. We were a typical Texan family I guess, not rich like you, but not poor either. Me and my brother played sports, we all went to church every Sunday, you know, apple pie and all that.” Jensen glances at Jared, who is listening intently.
“And then, in high school, I started noticing that I didn’t really see girls the way my friends did, instead it was guys that got my attention. I didn’t act on it, for a long time, but then…my football coach made a move, and we started a…thing, a relationship I guess, but in secret, of course. I was around sixteen when it started, and pretty innocent, if you can believe it. So it took a long time for me to be ready for anything beyond blowjobs, and I guess he got tired of waiting. So, when I turned seventeen... He pretty much took what he wanted.”
Jared gasps, eyes blown wide open in shock. “You mean he…?”
Jensen nods gravely, and Jared leaps forward then, embracing his boyfriend and whispering against his neck.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Jensen…”
“It’s okay, Jared, really. It was a long time ago.” Jensen’s voice is level, sounding bored, or maybe distanced.
“But what did you do, how did you react? I mean, you were so young…” Jared asks carefully, leaning back to gaze at his boyfriend, searching for signs as to how he should proceed.
“I tried to ignore it at first, just forget that it happened and move on…but I sort of fell into a bad crowd after that, started drinking and skipping class, quit the football team obviously…so my parents weren’t happy. I managed to stay in school until graduation at least. But at the graduation party, I got into a bit of trouble, the police busted me and my friends with some pot, nothing major really. But when the police drove me home my Dad got really mad, and I was pretty out of it, so I told him what had happened. With the coach. And he…got real angry.”
Jensen’s eyes start to water at the memory, and Jared swallows around the lump forming in his own throat at the sight. Seeing his strong, tough boyfriend on the verge of tears upsets him to his core, and he wants so badly to know what to do, what to say. He settles on putting a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, rubbing small circles on the still naked skin.
“He said it was my fault, and that being gay was sick, wrong…that I’d probably begged for it… all the stuff I thought or was scared that he would say. And then he beat me up, to make sure I got the point. Finally, he told me to never talk about it again or get out. So…I packed and left the same night.”
“You left? And went where?” Jared asks silently, voice barely audible.
“Stayed with some friends for a while, in Dallas…I guess I thought my parents would find me, bring me back. But they never did, I never heard anything. So after a while I went to New York, I always wanted to see the city, and figured why not? And then I walked into this bar and asked for a job, and I met Jeff. And the rest you pretty much know.”
“Jesus.” Jared sighs, letting his hand rest on Jensen’s underarm. “I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry…”
“It’s cool, really. It’s all a long time ago, and I’m doing fine now, more than fine.” Jensen puts his hand over Jared’s and squeezes gently.
“But you haven’t talked to your family at all? For all these years?” Jared’s still trying to understand.
“No, never. I’ve tried calling, actually, the last year, but I’ve just hung up. They still live there though, or, my brother’s moved out, he’s married, and my sis is in college…I’ve Googled them, and I still have a friend down there that I keep in touch with.” Jensen explains when Jared looks like a question mark.
Jared tries to digest what he’s been told, but there are so many questions running through his mind, he can’t focus. The pain he feels in his chest when he thinks about Jensen, running away from his family at such a young age, is gut-wrenching, overwhelming. His throat clogs up, imagining how lonely he must have felt, all by himself in a strange city. How he’d waited around for his parents to come get him and they never did. Tears start falling down his cheeks, and he wipes them with the back of his hand.
“You should see yourself man, you look like a kicked puppy or something.” Jensen jokes humorlessly, trying to lighten the mood.
“That’s not funny.” Jared mutters.
“I know Jay, but I don’t want you to be sad, or feel sorry for me. Should I not have said anything?”
“Of course you should,” Jared’s voice is still shaky. “I wanted to know, want to know, everything about you. It’s just…you know how much I care about you. It hurts to think about those things happening to you, you know?”
Jensen nods. “Yeah, I understand. But I don’t want you to hurt either though, so let’s just put it behind us, okay? I’m happy now, with my friends, with you. That’s all I need.”
Jared smiles carefully as he nods, eyes still moist with the tears he’d shed.
“And the star? Is just a little bit of home, the Lone star state, you know…and I got it as a symbol of me having to stand alone.”
Jared grows quiet, not giving any response until Jensen nudges at him, fishing for a reply.
“You don’t think that anymore though, right?” He whispers, eyes glued to the floor. Jensen responds by wrapping his arms around him, and Jared leans into the warm embrace, feeling exhausted by the emotional conversation.
“No, I don’t think I need to be alone anymore, Jared. ’Cause I’m not letting you go.”
“Good.” Jared replies, turning his head to kiss Jensen quickly. “I don’t want to be without you either.”
“It’s a deal then.” Jensen replies, smiling as he kisses Jared one more time. Then he leans forward, picking up both their shirts off the floor. “Fuck, I’m sorry, but I have to go get ready now.”
Jared takes the shirt that’s handed to him and pulls it on.
“Alright, when will I see you again?”
“I don’t have a night off until Monday, but I could come over then if you want?”
“Yeah, sure, Mom’s still asking about you, so that’ll be cool.” Jared winks, even as he’s still sniffling from his crying mere seconds ago.
“ I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be so enthusiastic if she knew what I was doing to her sweet innocent boy.” Jensen quips, cocky grin in place.
“Yeah, I’m thinking you’re right.” Jared states, self-deprecatingly. “I’m not so innocent anymore though, I mean, I’m dating a stripper, that’s pretty badass, if I do say so myself.” Jared is the picture of smugness as he stands up and pulls on his jacket to leave.
“Jeez, I’m so happy I can help you in your effort to be bad.” Jensen snarks.
“Definitely. And you get my virgin ass in the deal.” Jared smirks.
“Oh man, did you have to say that?” Jensen groans. “I do not need to be thinking about that when I go on stage.” He leans into his boyfriend, placing his forehead on the broad chest.
Jared strokes his hair soothingly, before planting a kiss on his temple.
“I’m sorry. I really don’t want you horny up there either, it’s bad enough that the audience is all riled up. I‘m counting on you to behave, you know.”
“Don’t worry, I will. Everyone looks like crap compared to you anyway.”
“Awww, you’re too sweet.” Jared mocks, tilting Jensen’s head upwards to kiss once more before turning around to walk out the door.
“Alright, bye, I’ll call, okay?” Jensen calls after him.
“Yeah, have a good night.” Jared smiles and winks before leaving.
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