Narcissism, Summer, and Responsibility
Maybe it's just a mood I get into sometimes, but I go through periods where I take pictures of myself. Part of it is that unlike in real life, there is a way to make yourself appear prettier than you are through photography. There are angles, lighting, and such that all can add to your physical attractiveness to make you gain Plus Pretty Points. Since I'm on my diet to lose all my fat, taking pictures of me along the way is actually helping. If I make myself feel prettier, then I will want to continue on with my diet, even if it's no fun. =(
So, I'm on week 2 of walking. I've dropped 3lbs. Today I was 134.4lbs. I think that by this weekend, I might actually be able to get to 134, and next week I'll be starting on getting to 133, or maintaining 134. I do need to be about 133lbs by the end of June though, so I've got to make sure I stay on my game with this. I'll be getting into the 120s by July, and I will then have my real work cut out for me. I know that right now, part of the rapid weightloss is due to the fact that I'm overweight. Once I get into the safe weight range (between 115lbs and 132lbs is okay for my height and build) again, it will be a problem to keep losing weight. I know from experience that 130 to 125 is a bitch. And if I think THAT'S hard, wait until I try to go from 125 to 120. That's when the real grind begins, where you just start casting about rather wildly asking, "WHAT ELSE CAN I CUT OUT OF MY DIET?! HOW MUCH MORE CAN I EXERCISE?!?!" Until you start to wonder if it's even fucking worth it. Since I want to be down to 120lbs by the time I get to Florida so that if NOTHING ELSE I can avoid my mom's barbed "ur fat" comments, and at the same time demonstrate how much better my life is now that I'm in Portland and with Brian. Plus, then I'll get to wear my Awesome Clothes again! =D
But, I hope that I can manage to keep up this whole walking thing even as it gets more and more into summer. I have to admit that after a nice, cool, rather rainy spring, we've gotten a little used to it not being so hot and sunny all the time. Already I'm forgetting what it was like to live in T-mec and already be blazing hot and sunny all the time. There is still hope for some cloudy days and even rain (!) here. But, it will get warmer and warmer, and I will be getting tanner and tanner as the days go bye. Also, I need to lose weight fairly quickly so that I can do something like buy another pair of capris (I don't like shorts, but I don't want to wear skirts when I'm walking 'cause my thighs rub together uncomfortably), but I don't want it to be a wasted purchase once I'm less fat. *sigh* It's like I'm trying to race the summer...
One of the important things about getting into a routine with walking and pen-pal writing is that I'm starting to really get into the rhythm of House Wifery. I haven't been applying to as many places, and at this point, I think I'm actually a little afraid of getting a job right now. If I got a job, it might mean that I wouldn't be able to walk back and forth to Nike anymore. I might have to use some of my Pen Pal time to just do the chores, like making bentos and such. It's getting odd. I want a job still. I don't want to be doing NOTHING, and volunteering is like trying to get a job. I can get the whole Hands On things, because you just sign up for them and go, but...I can't seem to get any of the long-term ones. I don't hear back from them, or I can't even apply because they want me to pay for a background check, and I'd have to do an Out Of State one, which costs serious monies for someone who doesn't have a job. *sigh*
Also, I think I'm getting worse at Japanese, not better. XD Either that, or trying to expand my vocabulary and grammar is an uphill battle that so far I'm sort of losing. Ah well. As the Japanese say, "I'll do my best!" Sigh.
Haha. =D
I still think it's amazing how red my hair looks in sunlight sometimes. O.O
Hehe. No need to always be serious! =D
God my laugh is a little awkward sometimes. U_U;
And ta-da! I think it turned out pretty. You can see my freckles. XD Ah well. I'm sure there will be more to come!
Now, if only I could make my arm stretch really, really far so I can take pictures of my outfits too...
So, I'm on week 2 of walking. I've dropped 3lbs. Today I was 134.4lbs. I think that by this weekend, I might actually be able to get to 134, and next week I'll be starting on getting to 133, or maintaining 134. I do need to be about 133lbs by the end of June though, so I've got to make sure I stay on my game with this. I'll be getting into the 120s by July, and I will then have my real work cut out for me. I know that right now, part of the rapid weightloss is due to the fact that I'm overweight. Once I get into the safe weight range (between 115lbs and 132lbs is okay for my height and build) again, it will be a problem to keep losing weight. I know from experience that 130 to 125 is a bitch. And if I think THAT'S hard, wait until I try to go from 125 to 120. That's when the real grind begins, where you just start casting about rather wildly asking, "WHAT ELSE CAN I CUT OUT OF MY DIET?! HOW MUCH MORE CAN I EXERCISE?!?!" Until you start to wonder if it's even fucking worth it. Since I want to be down to 120lbs by the time I get to Florida so that if NOTHING ELSE I can avoid my mom's barbed "ur fat" comments, and at the same time demonstrate how much better my life is now that I'm in Portland and with Brian. Plus, then I'll get to wear my Awesome Clothes again! =D
But, I hope that I can manage to keep up this whole walking thing even as it gets more and more into summer. I have to admit that after a nice, cool, rather rainy spring, we've gotten a little used to it not being so hot and sunny all the time. Already I'm forgetting what it was like to live in T-mec and already be blazing hot and sunny all the time. There is still hope for some cloudy days and even rain (!) here. But, it will get warmer and warmer, and I will be getting tanner and tanner as the days go bye. Also, I need to lose weight fairly quickly so that I can do something like buy another pair of capris (I don't like shorts, but I don't want to wear skirts when I'm walking 'cause my thighs rub together uncomfortably), but I don't want it to be a wasted purchase once I'm less fat. *sigh* It's like I'm trying to race the summer...
One of the important things about getting into a routine with walking and pen-pal writing is that I'm starting to really get into the rhythm of House Wifery. I haven't been applying to as many places, and at this point, I think I'm actually a little afraid of getting a job right now. If I got a job, it might mean that I wouldn't be able to walk back and forth to Nike anymore. I might have to use some of my Pen Pal time to just do the chores, like making bentos and such. It's getting odd. I want a job still. I don't want to be doing NOTHING, and volunteering is like trying to get a job. I can get the whole Hands On things, because you just sign up for them and go, but...I can't seem to get any of the long-term ones. I don't hear back from them, or I can't even apply because they want me to pay for a background check, and I'd have to do an Out Of State one, which costs serious monies for someone who doesn't have a job. *sigh*
Also, I think I'm getting worse at Japanese, not better. XD Either that, or trying to expand my vocabulary and grammar is an uphill battle that so far I'm sort of losing. Ah well. As the Japanese say, "I'll do my best!" Sigh.
Haha. =D
I still think it's amazing how red my hair looks in sunlight sometimes. O.O
Hehe. No need to always be serious! =D
God my laugh is a little awkward sometimes. U_U;
And ta-da! I think it turned out pretty. You can see my freckles. XD Ah well. I'm sure there will be more to come!
Now, if only I could make my arm stretch really, really far so I can take pictures of my outfits too...