Warning...another strongly charged post...Not in a great mood
OK so lately I have wanted to just go numb... go completely introverted. My social life seems to have taken a nose dive and this is making me extremely unhappy. I have needed to get things done in my life and as many of you know, when I am upset or unhappy I tend to stay and dwell on those feelings (hence, getting nothing done). I have been doing this off and on for a little while now. Through my own silly depressed thoughts and the chaos going on around me, I have been going in and out of a sort of depression. Now don't worry I don't want to hurt myself or anything like that....it's just been hard to get out of these spells. It's like when I start to get happy again...something happens or someone will put me right back in that hole. Now in this hole I actually will think deeply on my life and find all the things I can improve. These great things never get done (it seems) because something will happen in my social life to either distract me or get me depressed.
This has recently given me the idea that it would be best if I simply cut off from everyone. I would be able to work on myself and get things done with school quicker. Now those whom I would not completely cut off from would be my dad of course and those at church. I feel safest and unjudged by them. The problem is that I do have other friends who are now tied to those at church....if I simply cut off from those outside I would feel that they would feel betrayed. Cutting off from everyone would be ok for a little bit but I desperately need to be in church and have that support system. So do I need to pick and choose whom I need to break away from?...it seems lately that I have disconnected from so many friends of the recent past that I have very few now and will be almost alone if I lose the ones I still have now. I have already felt so disconnected recently because (from the earlier post) the lack of my voice being heard at all with almost everyone. I don't blame anyone of you solely, I just feel like I need to stop saying things and really think if it is something that I am doing. I also need to stop expecting to be heard or that if someone says they will do something, be there with me, or are listening to me....I should expect they won't but be happy if they do. Really appreciate the good times I have and not dwell on things that won't change.
So I still don't know what to do...but if this all keeps up...changes will have to be made.
If you are worried about something I said, or upset with any of this....please tell me...I am not angry anymore just trying to seek the best way to keep living happily and do what's best for me. I feel so drained emotionally and if you have something to tell me, I will appreciate it...I won't get mad...but happy I know how others (particularly my close friends) are feeling. I just want to know the truth, no more deception and lies...I want to deal with things for exactly what they are.
THANK YOU so much to those of you who read this all...I appreciate the time you took to get to know how I am feeling.
~Silver_Duckie~
This has recently given me the idea that it would be best if I simply cut off from everyone. I would be able to work on myself and get things done with school quicker. Now those whom I would not completely cut off from would be my dad of course and those at church. I feel safest and unjudged by them. The problem is that I do have other friends who are now tied to those at church....if I simply cut off from those outside I would feel that they would feel betrayed. Cutting off from everyone would be ok for a little bit but I desperately need to be in church and have that support system. So do I need to pick and choose whom I need to break away from?...it seems lately that I have disconnected from so many friends of the recent past that I have very few now and will be almost alone if I lose the ones I still have now. I have already felt so disconnected recently because (from the earlier post) the lack of my voice being heard at all with almost everyone. I don't blame anyone of you solely, I just feel like I need to stop saying things and really think if it is something that I am doing. I also need to stop expecting to be heard or that if someone says they will do something, be there with me, or are listening to me....I should expect they won't but be happy if they do. Really appreciate the good times I have and not dwell on things that won't change.
So I still don't know what to do...but if this all keeps up...changes will have to be made.
If you are worried about something I said, or upset with any of this....please tell me...I am not angry anymore just trying to seek the best way to keep living happily and do what's best for me. I feel so drained emotionally and if you have something to tell me, I will appreciate it...I won't get mad...but happy I know how others (particularly my close friends) are feeling. I just want to know the truth, no more deception and lies...I want to deal with things for exactly what they are.
THANK YOU so much to those of you who read this all...I appreciate the time you took to get to know how I am feeling.
~Silver_Duckie~