A change for the better?
I am stuck with that thought in the back of my mind... are things changing for the better, at least for the moment? I finally getting a little help with school. Go Pell! Not much, but it is a whole lot but every little bit helps when you have to pay out of pocket just to go to school. I wish I would have worked harder and never lost HOPE but we live and learn and sometimes the greatest lessons are learned the hard way. Yet, life goes on and we just have to push forward which is what I did. So here I am setting up my classes for each term ready to knock them down. This summer has been really different for me. I am not trying to push things off until the last minute... but things always seem to go back to those old habit ways. A lot of reading in such little time, ahhh the pressure of the summer term, got to love it! It is like one of my high school teachers said, I only respond under pressure... and well that couldn't be more true about me. I could never seem to get into the swing of doing things ahead of time. It drives one of my friends crazy that I wait until the last minute for everything dealing with school. But hey, the system has worked so far. Granted it might not work forever and when the time comes, I will just have to deal with changing my ways. Kind of hard after almost 21 years but where there is a will, there is a way!
I haven't had to deal with the drama of Scott in almost a month. It has been nice, I have to admit. Someone not on your back because they don't like certain things that you do just because they like you and you don't like them the same way back. I have really learned that nothing in life can be forced upon because they just causes more of a problem. And sadly, no matter how much we want something out of life, we can't always have it our way. Some things are meant to be and some aren't... we can't win them all. It would be nice... but that is just the reality of life. I will admit that I miss the joking around part but I don't miss all the B.S. stuff of how I should learn to be thankful and nicer to those that care about me, etc. Things between Scott and I got way out of hand and it never looked back. Seemed like every other day after a while became a drag and it just wasn't worth it. I guess I could only fight for some long about the same issue and it just never went through... I doubted myself a lot during this time and I kept a lot of fears and those doubts to myself. Yet, I know myself better than anyone else and I know I didn't like how I felt and I didn't like the person I was having to be in this situation. All things work out in time... and may be us not talking anymore is for the best.
The family side of things are doing all right. My dad just came back from Las Vegas! I was happy to have him back home. And he told me all about it... I had planned to go next summer, but the way things are looking for school that might not happen. I have seriously thought about just traveling the U.S.A. just to see what is out there. There is so much I want to see and experience on my own or with close friends or family. I have been in Georgia my whole life and I know there is more out there. Granted I have seen a few of the other states, but I want to see more. I wish you could call it one of my dreams in life and I really hope one day I will be able to make that wish come true.
So... I have a boyfriend. And it really feels weird... I feel so out things when it comes to relationships. It is starting over always seems the hardest of things and that's what I am having to do. No, it is not easy and yes, there are still feelings for Chad... yet some times we just have to let go. Looks like that is what I am going to have to do... sure there will always be that hope but I can't take this out on the new guy. For a change, I took a risk and I am going to have to wait to see how this turns out. I am taking a leap and whether I fall flat on my face is yet to be determined. Honestly, he is a nice guy and those are hard to come by these days and no I don't like everything he does, however, he isn't perfect either. I have a lot of mixed emotions going into this whole relationship thing. I liked that freedom of doing what I please and when yet missing that someone at the same time. But, we can't have our cake and eat it too either. I am going to have to keep an open mind on things and who know what will happen. It could be for the worse or the better, only time will tell. And I will just leave it as that for now....
Well I believe this is going to be the end for now folks. I need to get up and make myself read these chapters for school. Since I have an assignment due later today and a quiz Monday and lets just say, not much is done.
So until next time...
I haven't had to deal with the drama of Scott in almost a month. It has been nice, I have to admit. Someone not on your back because they don't like certain things that you do just because they like you and you don't like them the same way back. I have really learned that nothing in life can be forced upon because they just causes more of a problem. And sadly, no matter how much we want something out of life, we can't always have it our way. Some things are meant to be and some aren't... we can't win them all. It would be nice... but that is just the reality of life. I will admit that I miss the joking around part but I don't miss all the B.S. stuff of how I should learn to be thankful and nicer to those that care about me, etc. Things between Scott and I got way out of hand and it never looked back. Seemed like every other day after a while became a drag and it just wasn't worth it. I guess I could only fight for some long about the same issue and it just never went through... I doubted myself a lot during this time and I kept a lot of fears and those doubts to myself. Yet, I know myself better than anyone else and I know I didn't like how I felt and I didn't like the person I was having to be in this situation. All things work out in time... and may be us not talking anymore is for the best.
The family side of things are doing all right. My dad just came back from Las Vegas! I was happy to have him back home. And he told me all about it... I had planned to go next summer, but the way things are looking for school that might not happen. I have seriously thought about just traveling the U.S.A. just to see what is out there. There is so much I want to see and experience on my own or with close friends or family. I have been in Georgia my whole life and I know there is more out there. Granted I have seen a few of the other states, but I want to see more. I wish you could call it one of my dreams in life and I really hope one day I will be able to make that wish come true.
So... I have a boyfriend. And it really feels weird... I feel so out things when it comes to relationships. It is starting over always seems the hardest of things and that's what I am having to do. No, it is not easy and yes, there are still feelings for Chad... yet some times we just have to let go. Looks like that is what I am going to have to do... sure there will always be that hope but I can't take this out on the new guy. For a change, I took a risk and I am going to have to wait to see how this turns out. I am taking a leap and whether I fall flat on my face is yet to be determined. Honestly, he is a nice guy and those are hard to come by these days and no I don't like everything he does, however, he isn't perfect either. I have a lot of mixed emotions going into this whole relationship thing. I liked that freedom of doing what I please and when yet missing that someone at the same time. But, we can't have our cake and eat it too either. I am going to have to keep an open mind on things and who know what will happen. It could be for the worse or the better, only time will tell. And I will just leave it as that for now....
Well I believe this is going to be the end for now folks. I need to get up and make myself read these chapters for school. Since I have an assignment due later today and a quiz Monday and lets just say, not much is done.
So until next time...