If I scream, would anyone listen?
This is really been a shitty weekend... starting with Thursday. Here lately I have had the feelings that no one really understands me, let alone really gives a shit about how I feel or think. Granted this probably isn't the case, it is just a feeling I have had. So Thursday, I was in a mood and I know it. I wanted to be around someone just be get out of the house but there wasn't really anyone there. I figured, may be, just may be I would call the boyfriend and we could hang out. I didn't get a call until Friday and all he could say was, "You called, what did you need?" No shit... may be I just called to talk to my boyfriend, what a concept. I also got a letter in the mail from someone I haven't talked to in almost a year. A lot of bitter as well as other feelings came upon me... I am still deciding how I am going to deal with this. So, Saturday comes around and the "wonderful" boyfriend calls and I figured I would go hang out with him. Well, being the "smart" person that I am... I try to express my feelings to him and just explain to him how I was upset with him because honestly, there is no communication with him during the week and it drives me crazy. We talk may be every other day and 3 to 5 minutes tops. And when I was around him, we talk may be about 20 to 30 minutes and then hell, he thinks get is going to get some. What the hell... anyways, I tried to express my feelings to him and in doing so; he decides he is going to lay on the floor. The floor? I asked him why is he laying on the floor and he said it was probably better for him to be down there. Really... can't we talk like civilized people here. May be that is too much to be asking for in this lifetime. I really bit my tongue and just let things go. Then he had to nerve to say that he is confused. Now usually, I would be the first one to say, “Let me un-confuse you, I’ll go home and you won’t have to worry about it anymore today or even for a long time from now.” One thing I truly take to heart is when someone doesn’t listen to my emotions and doesn’t let me explain myself. I value my emotions; they are a strong apart of me and when you reject them then you reject me as a person. It is already hard enough for me to try and open back up to someone since Chad… but this is just crazy to me. I am trying to be understanding and trying to be nice, but I feel my patience are wearing thin and quickly. I just can’t deal with things the way I use to.
There are times when I think I am trying too hard and I shouldn’t even be in a relationship because I am questioning my emotional salability right now. Still trying to get over someone for almost a year now and it has been a hard yet working progress. May be jumping into a relationship wasn’t the smartest idea on my part. May be I still do need that time to myself. But then again, I am questioning what I need in general. I feel lost, I feel helpless, I feel empty. There are just so many emotions and I don’t know how to deal with them all at once.
Oh, in other wonderful news, I had planned to go to Savannah with my good friends to celebrate my 21st birthday. Just to do something new, something different, just to experience something that we would all remember. Well, not going to happen now… go figure. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs… but even then, I don’t even think anyone would hear me.
Yes, I am having a pity party… I am having a serious down moment. And my shit list is getting longer as the days go by. I don’t want to take my emotions out of anyone, that’s not fair to them. So here I am, alone… upset… hurt. What now, I think. Sure things will get better… in due time they always do. I just need to stuck things up and move on, I guess.
*Sighs*
Until next time…
There are times when I think I am trying too hard and I shouldn’t even be in a relationship because I am questioning my emotional salability right now. Still trying to get over someone for almost a year now and it has been a hard yet working progress. May be jumping into a relationship wasn’t the smartest idea on my part. May be I still do need that time to myself. But then again, I am questioning what I need in general. I feel lost, I feel helpless, I feel empty. There are just so many emotions and I don’t know how to deal with them all at once.
Oh, in other wonderful news, I had planned to go to Savannah with my good friends to celebrate my 21st birthday. Just to do something new, something different, just to experience something that we would all remember. Well, not going to happen now… go figure. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs… but even then, I don’t even think anyone would hear me.
Yes, I am having a pity party… I am having a serious down moment. And my shit list is getting longer as the days go by. I don’t want to take my emotions out of anyone, that’s not fair to them. So here I am, alone… upset… hurt. What now, I think. Sure things will get better… in due time they always do. I just need to stuck things up and move on, I guess.
*Sighs*
Until next time…