dreams
there was a BART map
there were many different lines and colors
there were magenta lines
black lines
dark blue lines
red lines
the lines went in loops and there were many different routes, some routes circled back within themselves… did not take the 'fastest' route… would go back and forth between the same destination before going on to another one…
san francisco was a destination
but it seemed i was living on the east coast
i was on the platform at night… it seemed busy for so early in the morning…
i was a young girl - teenager?
i attended school
a private school?
i was well off
i had female friends my age
we were all thin and beautiful with long hair
one of us had a car, black, vintage
we had eye glasses
i was sitting in the passenger seat
it almost seemed like the 1970's
we were mischievous, cutting school? looking for boys? doing drugs?
we were considering how to take different routes to get different places, studying and talking about the map
i was happy
i had not lived through, experienced the pain and suffering i have in this life…
there was hope… but some vague memory or understanding that pain would come…
it was dark, very early in the morning…
there were 'mansions'… gated communities… in the hills… at night
i felt safe even though it seemed like i should not
---
jody was there for the second time recently but i have forgotten again,
why so hard to remember?
why so rare?
---
there was a story/television show?
i was trying to understand the plot/characters which ones were important and which ones would stay around for the whole show, which ones would die or be cut out…
i and some of my friends family became a part of the 'show'
i had different parents
my father and mother were both artists
i was also an artist
i was a different kind of artist but something went wrong with them, their styles of art, it was my job then to incorporate both of their artistic styles…
my father drew the moon, landscapes and things, line drawings and they were all blank inside, nothing was filled in
my mother drew the exact same images, only hers were all filled in only with lines, straight lines, mostly vertical
i had to merge and incorporate their two styles along with my own by drawing the same images and scenes but filling them in differently… more thoroughly… not leave them blank like my father and not use only straight lines like my mother…
i used circles and lines and a variety of many different shapes and shading… to add more complexity, more subtlety, more nuance, more reflection of reality…
it was my job
i had to do it to help them, to fix them
to help the world
they were once famous but they had become ill, something went wrong that caused them to revert to these simplistic styles
i would become famous by merging their two styles together along with the third-my own…
---
thought about taking inderal to help with my PTSD symptoms in relation to barrett…
---
there were many different lines and colors
there were magenta lines
black lines
dark blue lines
red lines
the lines went in loops and there were many different routes, some routes circled back within themselves… did not take the 'fastest' route… would go back and forth between the same destination before going on to another one…
san francisco was a destination
but it seemed i was living on the east coast
i was on the platform at night… it seemed busy for so early in the morning…
i was a young girl - teenager?
i attended school
a private school?
i was well off
i had female friends my age
we were all thin and beautiful with long hair
one of us had a car, black, vintage
we had eye glasses
i was sitting in the passenger seat
it almost seemed like the 1970's
we were mischievous, cutting school? looking for boys? doing drugs?
we were considering how to take different routes to get different places, studying and talking about the map
i was happy
i had not lived through, experienced the pain and suffering i have in this life…
there was hope… but some vague memory or understanding that pain would come…
it was dark, very early in the morning…
there were 'mansions'… gated communities… in the hills… at night
i felt safe even though it seemed like i should not
---
jody was there for the second time recently but i have forgotten again,
why so hard to remember?
why so rare?
---
there was a story/television show?
i was trying to understand the plot/characters which ones were important and which ones would stay around for the whole show, which ones would die or be cut out…
i and some of my friends family became a part of the 'show'
i had different parents
my father and mother were both artists
i was also an artist
i was a different kind of artist but something went wrong with them, their styles of art, it was my job then to incorporate both of their artistic styles…
my father drew the moon, landscapes and things, line drawings and they were all blank inside, nothing was filled in
my mother drew the exact same images, only hers were all filled in only with lines, straight lines, mostly vertical
i had to merge and incorporate their two styles along with my own by drawing the same images and scenes but filling them in differently… more thoroughly… not leave them blank like my father and not use only straight lines like my mother…
i used circles and lines and a variety of many different shapes and shading… to add more complexity, more subtlety, more nuance, more reflection of reality…
it was my job
i had to do it to help them, to fix them
to help the world
they were once famous but they had become ill, something went wrong that caused them to revert to these simplistic styles
i would become famous by merging their two styles together along with the third-my own…
---
thought about taking inderal to help with my PTSD symptoms in relation to barrett…
---