midwinter (February 3rd, 2011)
this is my winter
this winter is mine
and it will not
be my winter
of discontent
while i hole up and wait
for social security
alone in my room
alone riding trains in the rain back and forth between cities some i hate
as i wait for the security of cash that can bring me a place of my own
as i wait for the security of a social life that can bring me wings to grow
as i wait for security alone in the cold
white and grey anatomy of sky clouds
reading novels
listening to symphonies
absorbing analyzing structures sentences words notes strung together
time to digest and ferment
sit quietly to find the light inside the cold hard outer shell structure
until it's time to emit and give birth
nurture the seed give it enough nutrients to have everything it needs to survive on it's own until it has sprouted and the external sun takes over to feed it as i direct my energies and shine my light in other directions
blankets
tea
window paned views
grey clouds blanketed skies drizzle on the green foliage and wet shiny colored rocks
cats and napping
calm
there is no reason
not to be
only paperwork and train rides in between
breathing more air less smoke
saving
stretching
walking
wet dirt
white candles
mid winter
walks with faith
father
purify fire snow
earthy woody deep spicy fresh green balsamic scents
dream time
tree time
a cane
woods and stones
wax
walks alone in the forest
radio waves
therapy
healing
paint to canvas
brush pen ink pencil to paper
letters in the mail postage
precious metals
needles in the body
gold and silver circles
ancestors
dead friends
meridian lines and nerves lining the left nostril marks on the head
to remind me where i came from
circles and lines marked on the arm marked on the body symbols forms and functions of what is useful and what is beautiful but always both
scripts characters lotus petaled flowers tiny elephants vowel sounds that created the universe mouth word sounds language takes makes form colored waves creates structured reality
songs
logos
icaros
icarus
strings
violins
drums
fossils
eggs
volcanoes
blood orange
fertile land earth
twisting screws
sewing seeds planting rows in beds
seeds beads berries fir fur skins hides
occupy
corner
stay stain
raw
focus
discipline
release
doors
minutes hours days
time
emit
heart rape?
toxic poisons
antidote
antithesis thesis
invite
in vitro
vows
epic synopsis
orbit pupil dilation
iris
bulb
light
forced bloom
intend
tend
grant
search for meaning
observe the grief
in the red earth
in the pouring rain
honor and remember those known and loved
this winter is mine
and it will not
be my winter
of discontent
while i hole up and wait
for social security
alone in my room
alone riding trains in the rain back and forth between cities some i hate
as i wait for the security of cash that can bring me a place of my own
as i wait for the security of a social life that can bring me wings to grow
as i wait for security alone in the cold
white and grey anatomy of sky clouds
reading novels
listening to symphonies
absorbing analyzing structures sentences words notes strung together
time to digest and ferment
sit quietly to find the light inside the cold hard outer shell structure
until it's time to emit and give birth
nurture the seed give it enough nutrients to have everything it needs to survive on it's own until it has sprouted and the external sun takes over to feed it as i direct my energies and shine my light in other directions
blankets
tea
window paned views
grey clouds blanketed skies drizzle on the green foliage and wet shiny colored rocks
cats and napping
calm
there is no reason
not to be
only paperwork and train rides in between
breathing more air less smoke
saving
stretching
walking
wet dirt
white candles
mid winter
walks with faith
father
purify fire snow
earthy woody deep spicy fresh green balsamic scents
dream time
tree time
a cane
woods and stones
wax
walks alone in the forest
radio waves
therapy
healing
paint to canvas
brush pen ink pencil to paper
letters in the mail postage
precious metals
needles in the body
gold and silver circles
ancestors
dead friends
meridian lines and nerves lining the left nostril marks on the head
to remind me where i came from
circles and lines marked on the arm marked on the body symbols forms and functions of what is useful and what is beautiful but always both
scripts characters lotus petaled flowers tiny elephants vowel sounds that created the universe mouth word sounds language takes makes form colored waves creates structured reality
songs
logos
icaros
icarus
strings
violins
drums
fossils
eggs
volcanoes
blood orange
fertile land earth
twisting screws
sewing seeds planting rows in beds
seeds beads berries fir fur skins hides
occupy
corner
stay stain
raw
focus
discipline
release
doors
minutes hours days
time
emit
heart rape?
toxic poisons
antidote
antithesis thesis
invite
in vitro
vows
epic synopsis
orbit pupil dilation
iris
bulb
light
forced bloom
intend
tend
grant
search for meaning
observe the grief
in the red earth
in the pouring rain
honor and remember those known and loved