Fair's Fair
"All is fair in Love and War"
I never really thought through that old saying. A proverb that illustrates that people in love and soldiers in wartime are not bound by the rules of fair play. I realize that this saying is used more often when two people are competing for someone's love but at this moment I feel that it fits well into my situation as well. At least, that is to say the part of the proverb "All is fair in love" fits quite nicely to the way I feel right now.
Jenn's father doesn’t seem to trust me. I didn't expect he would - seeing that he never met me. And I somehow thought that a week’s worth of time and money would had been enough to convince the powers that be of my love for Jenn. Obviously I did a poor job even though I was led on to believe that wasn't the case. Regardless - I doubt I will be seeing her any time soon.
Things such as "Why can't you find someone closer?" were the words spoken by Jenn's father in regards to her love for me. What kind of "loving" father would tell their daughter that someone that is important in their life isn't good enough just because of distance? What sort of solution is that? What kind of closure is that suppose to bring us? Its like as if he’s saying "Oh well he’s too far away better try again". How about looking at the fact that I would never do a thing to hurt her? How about I would never cause her grief, pain, or agony? How about the fact that I would probably never even raise my voice at her? How about the fact I am willing to make this relationship the focus of my life for the next 6 months - just to get it to work? How about the fact I'm willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING to be with her? Does that not count? Is there something in the republican handbook that says that true love doesn’t exist? That only people want what they want and there is no such thing as a selfless person?
I guess I make myself out to be too good to be true - but dammit this is who I am. Why can others accept that fact? I'll tell you why - because there are too many people in this world who only care about their own asses. Personally - I don’t care about what happens to me hell I don’t even care if this whole makes me alcoholic. I care more about those around me. Its obvious when I take friends out for dinner to a nice place just for the hell of it. Its obvious I never ask for anything in return for my kindness. I'm happy with my own generosity - besides I have enough stuff in my life.
I can't sleep tonight. I'd rather sit up and think about what my next move is to try to be with Jenn. Obviously its going to have to come from me since her parents are so hell bent on not letting this happen. Well fuck 'em. I'm going to make this happen with or without their blessings. I love Jenn more than air. And as far as I know she feels the same way. She’s afraid though... but she’s not the only one. I'm afraid that I'll lose her if I don’t do something. After what we shared for the week I was with her I realized that this isn't something I can just let go. I'm going to fight tooth and nail to be with her even if that means I have to work overtime to get the money that I need to see her again.
300 dollars for a plane ticket, 700 for hotel costs, and 300 for food. 1300 dollars to see her for a week. I don't know how many times I'll be able to make that work. But we'll see... I have to try otherwise I don’t see myself ever getting out of this funk.
I never really thought through that old saying. A proverb that illustrates that people in love and soldiers in wartime are not bound by the rules of fair play. I realize that this saying is used more often when two people are competing for someone's love but at this moment I feel that it fits well into my situation as well. At least, that is to say the part of the proverb "All is fair in love" fits quite nicely to the way I feel right now.
Jenn's father doesn’t seem to trust me. I didn't expect he would - seeing that he never met me. And I somehow thought that a week’s worth of time and money would had been enough to convince the powers that be of my love for Jenn. Obviously I did a poor job even though I was led on to believe that wasn't the case. Regardless - I doubt I will be seeing her any time soon.
Things such as "Why can't you find someone closer?" were the words spoken by Jenn's father in regards to her love for me. What kind of "loving" father would tell their daughter that someone that is important in their life isn't good enough just because of distance? What sort of solution is that? What kind of closure is that suppose to bring us? Its like as if he’s saying "Oh well he’s too far away better try again". How about looking at the fact that I would never do a thing to hurt her? How about I would never cause her grief, pain, or agony? How about the fact that I would probably never even raise my voice at her? How about the fact I am willing to make this relationship the focus of my life for the next 6 months - just to get it to work? How about the fact I'm willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING to be with her? Does that not count? Is there something in the republican handbook that says that true love doesn’t exist? That only people want what they want and there is no such thing as a selfless person?
I guess I make myself out to be too good to be true - but dammit this is who I am. Why can others accept that fact? I'll tell you why - because there are too many people in this world who only care about their own asses. Personally - I don’t care about what happens to me hell I don’t even care if this whole makes me alcoholic. I care more about those around me. Its obvious when I take friends out for dinner to a nice place just for the hell of it. Its obvious I never ask for anything in return for my kindness. I'm happy with my own generosity - besides I have enough stuff in my life.
I can't sleep tonight. I'd rather sit up and think about what my next move is to try to be with Jenn. Obviously its going to have to come from me since her parents are so hell bent on not letting this happen. Well fuck 'em. I'm going to make this happen with or without their blessings. I love Jenn more than air. And as far as I know she feels the same way. She’s afraid though... but she’s not the only one. I'm afraid that I'll lose her if I don’t do something. After what we shared for the week I was with her I realized that this isn't something I can just let go. I'm going to fight tooth and nail to be with her even if that means I have to work overtime to get the money that I need to see her again.
300 dollars for a plane ticket, 700 for hotel costs, and 300 for food. 1300 dollars to see her for a week. I don't know how many times I'll be able to make that work. But we'll see... I have to try otherwise I don’t see myself ever getting out of this funk.