update with a smile : )
i finally have use of a computer for 1 night! woo.
whenever i get the chance to update i'm always so depressed that it seems i'm such a sad wasted person. but i'm happy sometimes, really!
i want something. something beautiful and lovely and special to happen to me. but i guess everyone wants that. i just want to be happy all the time, so i'm one of those annoying people, but i won't care because i'll be happy. besides i'm annoying without having to be abnormally happy!! woo. pluses4 me.
my life is a mess.
i am a mess.
i HATE, HATING myself so frigging much. i'm obsessed with other people loving me so i don't have to love myself. so i can pretend.
i hate pretending.
i would love to look at myself and love me, i am too scared looking in mirrors. i just only see complete ugliness.I don't want to be afraid of mirrors. i dont want to be afraid of anything.
i want to live. like actually live. and be able to talk to people without being so shy and insecure.
i wonder why i was cursed so much.
i'm a victim made from my own self-disgust.
my own self pity.
i'm sick of being innocent.
i'm sick of being sickinthehead.
soselfish
whenever i get the chance to update i'm always so depressed that it seems i'm such a sad wasted person. but i'm happy sometimes, really!
i want something. something beautiful and lovely and special to happen to me. but i guess everyone wants that. i just want to be happy all the time, so i'm one of those annoying people, but i won't care because i'll be happy. besides i'm annoying without having to be abnormally happy!! woo. pluses4 me.
my life is a mess.
i am a mess.
i HATE, HATING myself so frigging much. i'm obsessed with other people loving me so i don't have to love myself. so i can pretend.
i hate pretending.
i would love to look at myself and love me, i am too scared looking in mirrors. i just only see complete ugliness.I don't want to be afraid of mirrors. i dont want to be afraid of anything.
i want to live. like actually live. and be able to talk to people without being so shy and insecure.
i wonder why i was cursed so much.
i'm a victim made from my own self-disgust.
my own self pity.
i'm sick of being innocent.
i'm sick of being sickinthehead.
soselfish