rage
I went to see Dr. Roseman today... the man always blows my mind he really does. He's literally a genius and I really respect him so much. He's a type of person we need more of in the world. He was told these children at this hospital were retarded and he discovered they weren't and helped them, he got a kid who everyone thought would never talk to talk again within six months, he gives appointments to people for free who can't afford to pay, he's a creator: he patentened and made his own new version of the shopping cart, while he does millions of other things everyday while getting time in for playing the clarinet on his spare time in his office. The man is a workaholic but I think in order to do great things or ANYTHING in general you must sacrifice things, and he told me that was his marriage because he basically lives at the office. See I always feel very motivated when I visit him ( plus he's jewish so that's another plus in my book). Great I've been trying to write this for the past 2 hours but I keep getting distracted with other things and losing my train of thought. But one thing Dr. Roseman did say that inspired me was when he pulled out this huge giant poster and he told me how his world was hell for a long time but the fact that he helped all these people's lives was worth it. I would say if you can't accept to die then you can't accept to live. I think this is true in many cases, people are too scare of what is beyond them and what is unknown but how can you live life if you can't accept the fact that there always isn't gonna be an answer always there right in front of you. You need to realize things along the way and you learn and you progress and so forth. But anyways on a positive yet negative note, I got put on Inderal now to stabilize my moods and help with my anxiety, and I mean I guess that's good but I hate the fact of being dependent on drugs to keep me fucking sane. It's a sad thing isn't it? We can't handle ourselves that we rely on something to keep us happy.
Wake up. It's all the same. The blue, the yellow, then the green pill, maybe a glass of OJ to help the swallowing of your own disease. But then you must think of it this way, I have bad eyes, and when I say BAD I literally mean it. Of course in the sense without my glasses or contacts someone gives me the finger I would probably wave. Yep, THAT BAD. Well if I didn't wear my glasses or contacts I wouldn't be able to see anything, and I don't deny it I really do have bad eyes. So I suppose it is in the same in the sense you can't deny you have a problem don't let it go untreated if you need the glasses wear the glasses they are only there to help you. Of course you can always get lazer eye surgery, but you can't get rid of bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Of course we can help distain it for periods of time, but it will always be there in a sense no matter what drugs are there to get you through the day.
Meh, I shouldn't complain but I'm sick of hearing everyone's problems. I mean I wouldn't mind if it wasn't the clear fact that when I hear someone rant and complain about their problems and then state what is going on in my life, I get NO FEEDBACK AT ALL. I always feel in some instances that I try to help other people before myself when it comes to advice, but I never get anything in return. I know life is about giving and you shouldn't always receive, but I just think it's complete bullshit that I can't get any advice or comfort in any sense or any of hint of realistical perspectives from my friends, besides maybe Alexa. I mean what are you gonna do? I guess that's just how some people are. Not Helpful except when it comes to their own problems and when THEY need help or else it is no issue of theirs. Meh. Another thing, I'm starting to think I just want Derek as a fuck buddy that sounds terrible, but don't get me wrong I still love him to death ( not true love, of course) but as much as he says he will change Derek will always remain the way he is... no matter what.
Damnit this coke is going flat.
I was in a long argument with Matt Morra today, and I am telling you that kid is the most ignorant person I've ever met. I wish I could of put the conversation in here, But i Xed it out. He tried to accuse me of being " a pompous asshole just like everyone in our grade that sits on the couch and watches tv and doesn't do anything with their life." THEN he proceeds to tell me that I observe art and beauty but I don't create it and I'm just as worthless as my wasted 17 years of life and the only thing I have to show is my 2.5 gpa and a diploma." It is sad though Matthew always thinks he's right and that he has everything figured out, but he really doesn't. I really despise ignorant people who think they are ALWAYS doing the right thing and everyone else is beneath them. I create art everyday, and why would I need to prove that to him or anyone else? Oh sure, I have my days where I don't do anything productive, but doesn't everyone? He acts as if we need to be these supreme beings that all we do is create masterpieces everywhere we take a shit.
Life doesn't work like that.
People fuck up.
Make Mistakes.
Some learn some don't.
I don't know where he gets this crazy thought that everyone isn't gonna drink or have fun for pleasure because he feels we need to be doing better things? He doesn't believe in having fun all of a sudden and has become a antisocial hermit of a young man. You can still accomplish many things but still have fun. All work and no play.. come on who lives like that? Meh... that took another hour to say cause I got distracted with facebook and myspace.
Seriously facebook and myspace are the death of me. I mean everyone was all what the fuck STALKERISH with the news-feed at first? But come on, who doesn't enjoy the new-feed to keep up on your stalkereque tendencies? I know I love it. SOMEONE'S OUT OF RELATIONSHIP! SINGLE?! LOOKING FOR RANDOM PLAY?! WHAT IS THIS! hahahah I love it. I hate how I know so many people who have no idea who I am, actually I love stalking people I'm not gonna lie. I stalk Jen Evans way too much. For some reason I'm so fixated on how she hates New Fairfield and lovesss " MinneSNOWTA." UGH. I get so pissed off when people diss NF. SO MAD. I got so much pride in this town for some reason. Meh who knows.
Maybe I should do this last makeup lab, and then finally I'm done.. woo.
By the way, I took a pregnancy Test and it was negative, But I still don't have my period.. what is up with that? I keep getting worried the test was wrong and I really am. Who knows. We shall See.
Wake up. It's all the same. The blue, the yellow, then the green pill, maybe a glass of OJ to help the swallowing of your own disease. But then you must think of it this way, I have bad eyes, and when I say BAD I literally mean it. Of course in the sense without my glasses or contacts someone gives me the finger I would probably wave. Yep, THAT BAD. Well if I didn't wear my glasses or contacts I wouldn't be able to see anything, and I don't deny it I really do have bad eyes. So I suppose it is in the same in the sense you can't deny you have a problem don't let it go untreated if you need the glasses wear the glasses they are only there to help you. Of course you can always get lazer eye surgery, but you can't get rid of bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Of course we can help distain it for periods of time, but it will always be there in a sense no matter what drugs are there to get you through the day.
Meh, I shouldn't complain but I'm sick of hearing everyone's problems. I mean I wouldn't mind if it wasn't the clear fact that when I hear someone rant and complain about their problems and then state what is going on in my life, I get NO FEEDBACK AT ALL. I always feel in some instances that I try to help other people before myself when it comes to advice, but I never get anything in return. I know life is about giving and you shouldn't always receive, but I just think it's complete bullshit that I can't get any advice or comfort in any sense or any of hint of realistical perspectives from my friends, besides maybe Alexa. I mean what are you gonna do? I guess that's just how some people are. Not Helpful except when it comes to their own problems and when THEY need help or else it is no issue of theirs. Meh. Another thing, I'm starting to think I just want Derek as a fuck buddy that sounds terrible, but don't get me wrong I still love him to death ( not true love, of course) but as much as he says he will change Derek will always remain the way he is... no matter what.
Damnit this coke is going flat.
I was in a long argument with Matt Morra today, and I am telling you that kid is the most ignorant person I've ever met. I wish I could of put the conversation in here, But i Xed it out. He tried to accuse me of being " a pompous asshole just like everyone in our grade that sits on the couch and watches tv and doesn't do anything with their life." THEN he proceeds to tell me that I observe art and beauty but I don't create it and I'm just as worthless as my wasted 17 years of life and the only thing I have to show is my 2.5 gpa and a diploma." It is sad though Matthew always thinks he's right and that he has everything figured out, but he really doesn't. I really despise ignorant people who think they are ALWAYS doing the right thing and everyone else is beneath them. I create art everyday, and why would I need to prove that to him or anyone else? Oh sure, I have my days where I don't do anything productive, but doesn't everyone? He acts as if we need to be these supreme beings that all we do is create masterpieces everywhere we take a shit.
Life doesn't work like that.
People fuck up.
Make Mistakes.
Some learn some don't.
I don't know where he gets this crazy thought that everyone isn't gonna drink or have fun for pleasure because he feels we need to be doing better things? He doesn't believe in having fun all of a sudden and has become a antisocial hermit of a young man. You can still accomplish many things but still have fun. All work and no play.. come on who lives like that? Meh... that took another hour to say cause I got distracted with facebook and myspace.
Seriously facebook and myspace are the death of me. I mean everyone was all what the fuck STALKERISH with the news-feed at first? But come on, who doesn't enjoy the new-feed to keep up on your stalkereque tendencies? I know I love it. SOMEONE'S OUT OF RELATIONSHIP! SINGLE?! LOOKING FOR RANDOM PLAY?! WHAT IS THIS! hahahah I love it. I hate how I know so many people who have no idea who I am, actually I love stalking people I'm not gonna lie. I stalk Jen Evans way too much. For some reason I'm so fixated on how she hates New Fairfield and lovesss " MinneSNOWTA." UGH. I get so pissed off when people diss NF. SO MAD. I got so much pride in this town for some reason. Meh who knows.
Maybe I should do this last makeup lab, and then finally I'm done.. woo.
By the way, I took a pregnancy Test and it was negative, But I still don't have my period.. what is up with that? I keep getting worried the test was wrong and I really am. Who knows. We shall See.