summer vacation
I'm having trouble remembering how to relax. I am in no way exxagerating when I say that this particular set of finals kicked the ever-loving shit out of me. I blame the Task Force. The Task Force, for those who are not in the know, generally refers to a group of people who feel very strongly about some political issue and set out to educate others and change things. In graduate school it refers to a semester long research project that ends in a two hour presentation. TWO HOURS. Luckily it's a group presentation that requires time be built in for a break and a class discussion, which means each individual only has to speak for 20 minutes. Still, public speaking haunts my nightmares on a regular basis. The gnawing never ending fear that came with that presentation almost did me in. I'm not even sure if it went well. We did manage to get the class talking.
So now classes are over, and on thursday my field placement ends. Even that seems to be doing it's best to be difficult. Another one of my clients died and I was left with the task of informing his best friend. Thankfully my supervisor did most of the talking. I just had to bear witness to the grief of a man who has already lost a dozen or more friends.
I miss my college support network. Kate sent out an email on May 1st that made me nostalgic. When I was at my most stressful point I did not have the option of shuffling down the hallway to camp out on Ev's bed to bitch and moan until she found a way to make me laugh. There was no celebratory drinking after the last paper was handed in. Still, it's comforting to know that when push comes to shove I can be my own support network.
Aaaaand I can't seem to relax. My resting heart rate is still higher than it was last May. I even attack my relaxing activities like they have a due date. I need to start walking again. The beach, the woods, something.
There's no real point here. I haven't been writing here much and I wanted to update. The gray weather has me feeling down, I think. Next time I update I'll wait for a sunny day.
So now classes are over, and on thursday my field placement ends. Even that seems to be doing it's best to be difficult. Another one of my clients died and I was left with the task of informing his best friend. Thankfully my supervisor did most of the talking. I just had to bear witness to the grief of a man who has already lost a dozen or more friends.
I miss my college support network. Kate sent out an email on May 1st that made me nostalgic. When I was at my most stressful point I did not have the option of shuffling down the hallway to camp out on Ev's bed to bitch and moan until she found a way to make me laugh. There was no celebratory drinking after the last paper was handed in. Still, it's comforting to know that when push comes to shove I can be my own support network.
Aaaaand I can't seem to relax. My resting heart rate is still higher than it was last May. I even attack my relaxing activities like they have a due date. I need to start walking again. The beach, the woods, something.
There's no real point here. I haven't been writing here much and I wanted to update. The gray weather has me feeling down, I think. Next time I update I'll wait for a sunny day.