what's good for me
I came into work late today. I had things to do and my supervisor is pretty awesome, so he's fine with it so long as I email him. Before getting to the office I swung through a Wendy's to grab a salad (the one with the chicken and oranges. I love oranges in salad.) so I would have something to eat later. My office is empty when I arrive for whatever reason (usually it has three other people in it). I get to my desk and I'm tooling around on the internet while I munch. About halfway through my meal a woman from the office nextdoor comes in looking for one of the casemanagers I share space with. In an attempt at friendly conversation she asks me: "Whatcha eatin'?" So I look down at my plastic bowl full of various kinds of lettuce and I say "salad..." She replies "Oh, good for you!" and then leaves.
And I'm left wondering what the fuck that was supposed to mean. Is she saying "good for you" because she knows I took the time to listen to what my body wanted for lunch (I considered other options, but the salad just sounded so good)? Did she say it because I was clearly enjoying my food? Maybe she said it because she loves that kind of salad as much as I love that kind of salad and she's jealous.
I don't think it was for any of those reasons.
The environment I work in consists almost entirely of women (at this building, at least). I share an office with three and most of our visitors are female. And the one thing they all seem to want to talk about, especially now that it's spring, is their diets. Weight Watchers, South Beach, blah blah blah. Everyone has one. For those of you who don't know, I gave up dieting almost two years ago. So, I don't participate in these conversations. It leaves me at something of a social disadvantage. Women bond over their diets, it's like a fraternity hazing ritual that never ends.
I believe that "good for you" shows that she thought my eating a salad was evidence that I was on some kind of a diet, like she is. But why would that be good? My previous attempts at weight loss ranged from the simple 'breakfast is for fat people' to the more dangerous 'how many diet pills can I take at once before they do damage to my organs?' That was bad for me. It was all bad for me. And it made me miserable. Back then I ate salad because eating anything else made me feel like a fat piece of crap. Now I eat it because I enjoy it.
This is also combined with the fact that nothing confuses people more than a fat girl who isn't either trying to lose weight, or who isn't constantly stuffing her face with french fries and ice cream. I suppose that, in her mind, I must be dieting because I'm fat, and that's what fat girls are supposed to do. I was more socially acceptable when I was making myself sick with the pills.
I guess the point of this whole rant is this: please don't judge my food. Don't make assumptions about my lifestyle (or anyone else's) based on what you see me eating. I don't want to be in the Diet Club even though all the cool kids are doing it. Just let me have my lunch in peace.