Dealing With Ex's That Exhibit Worst Behavior Than Us?
I have been having problems with my 16 year old. For the purpose of confidentiality, we will just call him D. My significant and I decided to take him out to one of my very limited dinners that for some strange reason (Which I would not find out until later,) After his 1.5 hour dinner and a brief fifteen minutes of listening to her rant before I hung up the phone where we had to discuss why he was late. My significant can be just as opinionated as my former wife's. Ya just gotta love a woman who was a barrel racer and bull rider. Do I need to go any further?
The service was lousy; we were one of two groups of people and two hours before they closed. The workers behind the counter spent more time facing us looking at my date (Some immigrants love blondes. If you think I am wrong, take a look for yourself the next time you are out.) They are in the restaurant and some poor kid was doing everything while his fat-ass boss came out every once in a while to jump down his throat.
It is not very often that I get to see him because the price of gas is ridiculous and it is on the three-hour way back to Paris. Within 10 minutes, he sent me a message back stating that she starts yelling at him just as soon as he got in the door. I thought that was the complete truth only because I had to deal with it for the 13 years before we divorced. Although seeing the way that I handled things in his young life, he had figured how to work the "Mother-Father Circus" and I fell for it hook, line & sinker.
On one end, he tells me that he wants to come and live with me and on the other hand, I get the entire story from his mother's perspective. This is a letter, in it's entirety and I want to share with all of you what I have to listen to on a daily basis. The only thing was, I had the opportunity to leave and he at the time did not. Does that mean that I was just not capable to take care of him with all of the problems that I had been going through for the past seven years?
So, while at a neighborhood crime-watch meeting and through the earpiece that I was wearing two rooms away she was yelling in my ear and was very well into making a spectacle of herself and no one knew who it was till B. told them it was the Ex. The Owners just gave me the ooooh... no need to mention anymore. B. My GF told me to just hang up on her. Well, in not so many words but you understand. This was that letter that I got in my mail that night when I got home.
-----------------------------------
“Tom,
I hate the lies you tell me and I do not want my son around it either. You have reinforced lying is okay. First off, when D. went to visit you for several hours a few weeks ago, you failed to mention to me B. had a psychiatric problem. I do not care if it is recovery or not.
You had D. cover up for you and he and I really do not appreciate it. You specifically told me B. had cough medicine and made her drowsy on the couch but you failed to mention to me that she locked herself in the bathroom and D. was freaked out by it.
You also lied to me about your alleged son (you need a paternity test) and that you did not tell D. (your mother also lies for you too) when come to find out you told him in the summer, as well as, you told D. you told me. I specifically asked you not to tell him and we would find the right time. Did you not think for one minute this would not influence him?
You did not even know this child yourself, let alone expose this to my son. You get him all hyped up then you let him down and explain he has violent tendencies. Now I have to worry about him tracking D. down. I get long distance calls all the time and one can only wonder. I specifically told you I wanted D. to concentrate on his studies and you totally disregarded what I asked of you. Have you ever thought this might be an underlying cause? He has never had problems with his grades until this year and you drop a bombshell on him before he starts school. All D. sees is that I never told him last summer.
Now you are trying to waltz in here and act like a hero. You might as well spit in my face and tell me I am a shitty parent because I yelled at him over his grades. You have no right. You have no idea how disrespective he has become and he has no idea that I break my back for him to provide everything for him.
Back to school, he has totally taken advantage of his teacher’s kindness for turning in late papers, now they are tightening the reign on him, and he is in a panic. They are not taking his shit and his grades are now reflective of what he puts into his classes. He claims to be sick when he does not have his homework completed and has become completely behind in most of his classes and can not get caught up.
For him to go to summer school it will cost me $250 per class. Actually, you should feel the pain and anger and pay for it. D. looks at summer school as a way out and does not realize the impact this will have on him to go to college.
I already told you I am looking for a therapist. I will let you know when I find one. Really, I do not want to discuss this with you as the therapist should be a non-biased party that D. can confide in and I do not need you to ask him about it. I already found a few and I am making phone calls. I am not going to take him to some crackpot.
I have already been to the school to talk to the principal and I am waiting on a person so I can appeal his Biology class and pull him out of it. I may not be able to (1) it is too late in the school year and (2) D. has to show proof he has been working with his teachers.
He has only been working with one until recently when I told him two weeks ago to go to tutoring and I have been taking him to school since then. Come to find out, he either sits in the teacher’s classes (without asking questions) or hangs out at the school. Conveniently, some of the teachers are not available even though they all have scheduled days and times.
I told D. I am pulling him out of the Pre-AP & AP courses and he is fighting me on this. I am trying to make him realize he needs to relieve the pressure off him in his junior and senior year. He may not have a choice now. We shall see.
I have to go.
D.”
OK,… Here is the Dear John letter. Same woman, just a day later.
----------------------------------
"Tom,
Just to let you know, D. seems to be in better spirits today. Some of his teachers are allowing him to make up some tests and assignments. I took him to school early this morning to take two test (one a quiz and one a test) in History. He said he feels good about them and answered all the questions. He stayed after school and took a Chemistry test and completed it within 30 minutes. He took a quiz in Biology today and made a 110. I don't know if this will make muchof an impact as he currently has a 38 in this class. I am pursuing next week to remove him from this if this school allows for this, as well as, he has a condition that all of his other grades will come up.
Worse case scenario, he will have one class during the summer instead of four. He will be going to his English teacher every Friday morning until school is out to keep him on the right track. This is a step in the right direction and I told him he can do it but needs to lighten his load and enjoy himself with friends over spring break. Of course, he wants to work. I am going to work on not getting to pissed off at him over his grades and help him relax a bit.
I have taken away all his game consoles so he can solely concentrate on his schoolwork. I do not anticipate giving these back to him until the end of school. He needs to keep positive and stay focused and I will reinforce this. I will keep you posted once I talk to his school next week. I will also give you a schedule of his tutoring dates and times so you can reinforce that is good for him to go. I am trying to tell him it is okay to ask for help. Stubborn little shit!
Are you okay? Your voice in your phone message seemed a little off. Keep your
Spirits up."
D.
OK everyone that reads this... who is the Bi-Polar person? You tell me.
The service was lousy; we were one of two groups of people and two hours before they closed. The workers behind the counter spent more time facing us looking at my date (Some immigrants love blondes. If you think I am wrong, take a look for yourself the next time you are out.) They are in the restaurant and some poor kid was doing everything while his fat-ass boss came out every once in a while to jump down his throat.
It is not very often that I get to see him because the price of gas is ridiculous and it is on the three-hour way back to Paris. Within 10 minutes, he sent me a message back stating that she starts yelling at him just as soon as he got in the door. I thought that was the complete truth only because I had to deal with it for the 13 years before we divorced. Although seeing the way that I handled things in his young life, he had figured how to work the "Mother-Father Circus" and I fell for it hook, line & sinker.
On one end, he tells me that he wants to come and live with me and on the other hand, I get the entire story from his mother's perspective. This is a letter, in it's entirety and I want to share with all of you what I have to listen to on a daily basis. The only thing was, I had the opportunity to leave and he at the time did not. Does that mean that I was just not capable to take care of him with all of the problems that I had been going through for the past seven years?
So, while at a neighborhood crime-watch meeting and through the earpiece that I was wearing two rooms away she was yelling in my ear and was very well into making a spectacle of herself and no one knew who it was till B. told them it was the Ex. The Owners just gave me the ooooh... no need to mention anymore. B. My GF told me to just hang up on her. Well, in not so many words but you understand. This was that letter that I got in my mail that night when I got home.
-----------------------------------
“Tom,
I hate the lies you tell me and I do not want my son around it either. You have reinforced lying is okay. First off, when D. went to visit you for several hours a few weeks ago, you failed to mention to me B. had a psychiatric problem. I do not care if it is recovery or not.
You had D. cover up for you and he and I really do not appreciate it. You specifically told me B. had cough medicine and made her drowsy on the couch but you failed to mention to me that she locked herself in the bathroom and D. was freaked out by it.
You also lied to me about your alleged son (you need a paternity test) and that you did not tell D. (your mother also lies for you too) when come to find out you told him in the summer, as well as, you told D. you told me. I specifically asked you not to tell him and we would find the right time. Did you not think for one minute this would not influence him?
You did not even know this child yourself, let alone expose this to my son. You get him all hyped up then you let him down and explain he has violent tendencies. Now I have to worry about him tracking D. down. I get long distance calls all the time and one can only wonder. I specifically told you I wanted D. to concentrate on his studies and you totally disregarded what I asked of you. Have you ever thought this might be an underlying cause? He has never had problems with his grades until this year and you drop a bombshell on him before he starts school. All D. sees is that I never told him last summer.
Now you are trying to waltz in here and act like a hero. You might as well spit in my face and tell me I am a shitty parent because I yelled at him over his grades. You have no right. You have no idea how disrespective he has become and he has no idea that I break my back for him to provide everything for him.
Back to school, he has totally taken advantage of his teacher’s kindness for turning in late papers, now they are tightening the reign on him, and he is in a panic. They are not taking his shit and his grades are now reflective of what he puts into his classes. He claims to be sick when he does not have his homework completed and has become completely behind in most of his classes and can not get caught up.
For him to go to summer school it will cost me $250 per class. Actually, you should feel the pain and anger and pay for it. D. looks at summer school as a way out and does not realize the impact this will have on him to go to college.
I already told you I am looking for a therapist. I will let you know when I find one. Really, I do not want to discuss this with you as the therapist should be a non-biased party that D. can confide in and I do not need you to ask him about it. I already found a few and I am making phone calls. I am not going to take him to some crackpot.
I have already been to the school to talk to the principal and I am waiting on a person so I can appeal his Biology class and pull him out of it. I may not be able to (1) it is too late in the school year and (2) D. has to show proof he has been working with his teachers.
He has only been working with one until recently when I told him two weeks ago to go to tutoring and I have been taking him to school since then. Come to find out, he either sits in the teacher’s classes (without asking questions) or hangs out at the school. Conveniently, some of the teachers are not available even though they all have scheduled days and times.
I told D. I am pulling him out of the Pre-AP & AP courses and he is fighting me on this. I am trying to make him realize he needs to relieve the pressure off him in his junior and senior year. He may not have a choice now. We shall see.
I have to go.
D.”
OK,… Here is the Dear John letter. Same woman, just a day later.
----------------------------------
"Tom,
Just to let you know, D. seems to be in better spirits today. Some of his teachers are allowing him to make up some tests and assignments. I took him to school early this morning to take two test (one a quiz and one a test) in History. He said he feels good about them and answered all the questions. He stayed after school and took a Chemistry test and completed it within 30 minutes. He took a quiz in Biology today and made a 110. I don't know if this will make muchof an impact as he currently has a 38 in this class. I am pursuing next week to remove him from this if this school allows for this, as well as, he has a condition that all of his other grades will come up.
Worse case scenario, he will have one class during the summer instead of four. He will be going to his English teacher every Friday morning until school is out to keep him on the right track. This is a step in the right direction and I told him he can do it but needs to lighten his load and enjoy himself with friends over spring break. Of course, he wants to work. I am going to work on not getting to pissed off at him over his grades and help him relax a bit.
I have taken away all his game consoles so he can solely concentrate on his schoolwork. I do not anticipate giving these back to him until the end of school. He needs to keep positive and stay focused and I will reinforce this. I will keep you posted once I talk to his school next week. I will also give you a schedule of his tutoring dates and times so you can reinforce that is good for him to go. I am trying to tell him it is okay to ask for help. Stubborn little shit!
Are you okay? Your voice in your phone message seemed a little off. Keep your
Spirits up."
D.
OK everyone that reads this... who is the Bi-Polar person? You tell me.