A Welsh Holiday, or, Jack and Ianto Tackle the Plumbing 3/7
Chapter 3: Jack Meets Ikea
Ianto woke to a slight breeze blowing across his nose. He swatted it and promptly fell back asleep. Then the dreaded breeze was back. He swatted again, much more forcefully, and jumped when he heard Jack swear. He opened his eyes and smirked as he saw Jack rubbing his nose.
“What do you want?” Ianto huffed.
Jack bent close to Ianto's neck and nibbled below his ear. “You promised I could, and I quote, 'Do you' today.”
“Jack,” Ianto groaned, “It's 6 in the morning. Go back to bed!”
“Uh-uh. You promised. I'm collecting. Wakey wakey time!” Jack laughed as he rolled on top of Ianto.
“Oof!” Ianto grunted. “Somebody's been sneaking extra pastries.”
“Hey!” Jack cried, “I”ll have you know I have a stunning physique! I'm gorgeous!”
“You're daft,” Ianto said smiling.
Jack bent his head and touched their foreheads. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of just-woken Ianto. “You're gorgeous,” he said softly.
Ianto chuckled. “Now I know you're daft. Inhale any lead paint fumes yesterday?” He pulled Jack in for a hungry kiss, then pulled back wincing. “Morning breath,” he said sadly. “Be right back.”
“I'm taking a shower while I'm in here!” he called. "Take the sheets off the bed for the maid!"
“Come on, Ianto! You promised!” Jack called back.
Ianto turned around and stared at Jack. He was stretched out languorously, completely nude, stroking himself. “Come and play,” he said. “You did promise.”
Ianto took a step forward but forced himself to stop. Slowly, ever so slowly, he made himself turn back to the bathroom. “If we start now, we'll never finish. And besides, we have a morning of furniture shopping ahead of us.”
Jack visibly brightened. “Oh yeah! All those beds! We get to try them all out in public and no one can stop us!”
“Jack,” Ianto warned as he turned on the taps, “I am not having sex with you in a furniture store.”
He jumped as he felt Jack's arms wrap around him from behind and groaned as Jack pressed himself between Ianto's crease. “How 'bout we pull out that handbook? I promise not to touch you down here, but all morning long, whenever I hold your hand or stroke your neck, you'll know that I'm really stroking you and sucking on your balls just like you like.”
“Jesus Jack,” Ianto breathed shakily as he glanced as his half hard cock. “I can't...”
“Yeah, I know. Cool, huh?” Jack smiled. Suddenly he stepped back and Ianto rocked with the sudden loss of Jack's heat.
“Jack,” he called, not daring to turn around.
“Shower time!” Jack called back. “That'll teach you to hold out on me! Should have just laid back and though of Wales!”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Well. That was...” Ianto tried as they hurried out of the secondhand furniture shop and got into the car.
“Horrible?” Jack suggested, trying to hold in the laughter.
“I can't believe you!”
“Hey, it wasn't my fault the bed broke!”
“You wouldn't get off! You just had to keep trying!”
“Of course not!” Jack said, throwing his hands in the air. “Had to make sure it would hold up, didn't I?”
“But like that?”
“Didn't see you getting off when it started rocking!”
“You promised to be good!”
“Ianto, come on! If we were going to buy it, I had to try it out!”
“You weren't going to buy it! It had little angels carved on it! God would strike you down if your bed ever had angels on it!”
“Yeah, but it was pretty sturdy! Nice, thick Welsh wood, and all those little loops just ready for your ties when we-”
“Don't even start! Honestly Jack!”
“Oh come on! It wasn't like I deflowered you in public or anything! I was just jumping on it!” Jack said, crossing his arms as he sat in the car.
“I know! Could you be any more of a five year old?” Ianto demanded, his cheeks still red from trying to placate the store owner after Jack's antics caused the antique bed rails to break.
“What's the point of a big bed if you can't jump on it? Come on, that's what's so great about having our own place, right? A place where you can just let go, be a kid, and jump on the bed!”
Ianto sighed and rubbed his forehead. He could feel the headache from a mile away. “Fine. But you promise me, no more jumping! Just pick a bed, for the love of god! And now that you got us chucked out, you couldn't even get that sofa you liked.”
“Fine,” Jack huffed. “I promise to be good. Geez. You do one little thing and you pay for it for hours. God you Welsh can hold a grudge.”
“Do not insult my people! You damn Sais! Haliwr! Twll tin!”
Jack looked at Ianto confused. “Ok, I only know one of those. Sais? Since when have I been English?”
“You've lived there, worked with them, fought for them, and adopted most of their customs. You're worse than the Sais, 'cause you chose it.”
Jack sighed in defeat. When Ianto was like this, there was just no arguing with him. Best to accept that Jack was in the wrong and move on. “Fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I broke the bed and got us kicked out, and I'm sorry I'm apparently English. Can we move on now?”
Ianto sighed as well. Jack was great, really he was, and he was certainly trying to make Ianto happy. The bed jumping had been for Ianto's benefit after all, what with Jack trying to get Ianto to act more like the twenty-five year old he was. “Fine. Whatever.”
Jack blew the fringe of hair from his eyes. “Where we going now?”
“You still need furniture. Basically, you need everything. Thank god it's early and not yet 10,” Ianto said, pulling out into traffic.
“So? Where are we going?”
“Manchester.”
“Manchester?! But that's hours away!”
“2 hours. We'll be there by lunch.”
“Fine,” Jack huffed. “But I get to play Glenn Miller the entire time.”
“And the five year old comes out again.”
Jack reached over to put the CD in, when he suddenly stopped and looked at Ianto suspiciously. “Why are we going to Manchester?”
“Because, and god help me, I'm taking you to IKEA.”
“OK, I've changed my mind,” Jack said, staring in awe at all the assortment of sofa options at Ikea. “Forget the office fetish. I'm staying here.”
Ianto chuckled and pointed to a deep blue sofa next to a pine curio cabinet. “How about that one? You like blue.”
Jack looked at it disdainfully. “But you look better in red. In red, on red, blushing red...And besides, think of how hard it'll be to keep clean.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Since when did you care about keeping things clean?”
“Since I've decided to fuck you on our sofa every night we're at the cottage,” Jack leered as he grabbed Ianto for a deep kiss. He suddenly pulled away and Ianto was left reeling.
“Ooh look!” Jack cried, bounding away to the left. “Leather!”
“Would you just pick one?!” Ianto begged. It had been two hours and Jack had sat on every leather sofa in Ikea more than three times. He'd even forced Ianto to lie on top of him to make sure the sofas could handle two grown men. Ianto'd put a stop to it as Jack tried to unbuckle his belt, however. Propriety and all. Doesn't mean he wasn't tempted, though; even Ianto had a bit of an exhibitionist streak, or he'd never had let Jack use the stone Perception Filter as they'd fucked under the fireworks during Cardiff's 'Sparks in the Parks' festival.
“What'd you think?” Jack asked. “The red one, or the maroon one?”
Ianto shook his head. “I really don't care. It's your sofa, pick the one you like. Then we can move on to the beds and end-tables.”
“You need to like it too, though, and you won't tell me which one you like,” Jack pouted. “Come on, red or maroon?”
“It really doesn't matter which one I like, Jack. It's your sofa.”
“It's yours too,” Jack said, brushing his fingers along Ianto's jaw. “You need to like it.”
Ianto pulled himself away. “Pick a sofa, Jack, and move on.”
Jack's jaw hardened. “Fine. The maroon one.”
“Thank god,” Ianto said, turning towards the side table. “Now pick one of those. And then we go to Kitchens to get you some decent pots and pans.”
“None of them are right,” Jack moaned as he and Ianto stared at the assortment of beds. “They're just, I don't know...”
“It's a bed, Jack, just a bed. Pick one,” Ianto begged as he leaned on the shopping cart full of pots, pans, utensils, plates, and throw pillows. They'd been at Ikea for over four hours, and the only major thing they had was a sofa. There was no way they were doing any work at the cottage that day, which meant they'd have to work all out the next two days to get everything ready for when the furniture arrived.
“That one's good,” Ianto suggested, pointed to a black iron headboard in the corner. “Get that one.”
“Do you like it?” Jack asked, turning around to face Ianto.
“Doesn't matter, Jack. Just matters that you like it. Now please pick a bed so we can get out of here. It's still 2 hours back to Holyhead.”
“Why won't you tell me which one you like, Ianto?” Jack suddenly asked. “All day long, it's been 'whatever you want Jack'. Drop the act and tell me what you want in our cottage!”
“It's not up to me!” Ianto answered back, frustrated with Jack's inability to choose anything.
Jack pushed him backwards up against a wall. The other shoppers started murmuring.
“Why the hell not?!” he shouted at Ianto.
“'Cause it's not my cottage!”
“It's our cottage!” Jack cried out. “Why won't you call it our cottage?! It's always been 'your cottage' or 'the cottage'!”
“Because it's not ours, Jack! It'll never be ours. It's yours! Pick your damn furniture!”
“Why? Why don't you want this with me?”
“Oh come on, Jack,” Ianto scoffed quietly. He traced his fingers through Jack's hair, smiling softly as Jack's eyes flickered closed. “It's not like we're getting married or moving in. It's not like we're a proper couple or soulmates or anything. It's your cottage, and it'll always be your cottage. I'm only here for a while. You need things that'll last for a long time.”
Jack just started at Ianto. “What did you say? We're not a couple? What the hell?”
“Come on, Jack. I'll never be your one true love. Now pick a bed and let's get back before it gets dark.”
Jack pushed away from Ianto, shaking his head. “No. No. I'm...I'll...I need to get away from you. Go...Just go. I'll be back in a while.”
Ianto was confused as Jack started walking away. “Jack? Jack, come back!” he called after him, reaching out as Jack stomped away.
Jack stopped but wouldn't turn around.
“Jack?” Ianto asked, shrinking as Jack brushed him away.
“Don't,” Jack said coldly. “I don't know what the hell you're playing at. Just don't, ok? Not now. I may not say it, but I thought I showed that I ...that I...what you mean to me. And you apparently don't care about me. If this isn't what you want, just go the fuck away.”
Ianto watched, astonished, as Jack made his way through Ikea's rambling hallways and disappeared behind mountains of striped pillows. What the hell had just happened?