One Solution
I love white heterosexual men. No, really, I do. All of my lovers have been in this category. All of my long-term partners, my best friends, my business partners, and even my co-workers for the majority of my working life. I'm surrounded by cis-gendered white het dudes.
I have always insisted that I be treated with the same respect that I watch them get. Sometimes this does not go over well, and they try to 'put me in my place' or treat me like an underling. I've been called a bitch so many times I almost had it tattooed. But the fact is that if I stand up for myself or anyone else in the face of the CWHM, I'm painting a target on my own ass. I'm setting myself up to be attacked verbally, emotionally, socially, even physically and sexually in some instances.
None of that abuse ever stopped me before, and it certainly isn't going to stop me now. Because this morning, I hit upon a truth that lines out in a series of facts:
Fact #1: People become upset when their belief does not match their reality. In this situation, emotional turmoil is the norm; this response can range from anger to depression, and anything in between.
Fact #2: We call these reactions 'negative emotions' and we devalue anyone who expresses them. Outrage--even justified outrage--must be expressed in a calm fashion...for some strange reason I still do not understand.
Fact #3: People are socialized into a world of 'better' people and 'worse' people. We are socialized to support an artificial hierarchy where able-bodied, cis-gendered, heterosexual white, men of a particular age group are 'more deserving' of the fruits of society's labor than everyone else, and everyone else deserves their own hardship. These people are the only ones allowed to express emotions...and only on a limited basis.
Fact #4: People who do not fit into the top part of the artificial hierarchy (i.e. handicapped, non-males, people of color, youth and elderly, and those who express negative emotions) are treated as if there is something 'wrong' with them, or as if they are of lesser value, simply because they do not fit into the first group.
Fact #5: People are faced with a belief (their own worth) that does not match their reality (they are devalued). They KNOW deep inside that there is no hierarchy, that all people were created equal. But their reality makes them question their worth, because they are not valued. Some even change their beliefs to match this reality, and buy into the devaluation of themselves.
Fact #6: The clash of belief and reality lead people to negative emotions, which further devalues the individual (see Fact #2).
Conclusion: If you are frustrated with the way you have been treated, you are not crazy. You are making a very rational response to an irrational world. Expressing is frowned upon not because it is wrong, but because expressing it is a challenge to the system. Your emotions --and the outrage at the injustices of the world-- are justified.
Outcome: People who are perfectly capable of being useful and productive members of society are routinely and systematically thrown under the emotional bus so that those in power can stay in power. Guess who created this narrative in the first place?
To change the world, you must first believe that you are worth it.
I have always insisted that I be treated with the same respect that I watch them get. Sometimes this does not go over well, and they try to 'put me in my place' or treat me like an underling. I've been called a bitch so many times I almost had it tattooed. But the fact is that if I stand up for myself or anyone else in the face of the CWHM, I'm painting a target on my own ass. I'm setting myself up to be attacked verbally, emotionally, socially, even physically and sexually in some instances.
None of that abuse ever stopped me before, and it certainly isn't going to stop me now. Because this morning, I hit upon a truth that lines out in a series of facts:
Fact #1: People become upset when their belief does not match their reality. In this situation, emotional turmoil is the norm; this response can range from anger to depression, and anything in between.
Fact #2: We call these reactions 'negative emotions' and we devalue anyone who expresses them. Outrage--even justified outrage--must be expressed in a calm fashion...for some strange reason I still do not understand.
Fact #3: People are socialized into a world of 'better' people and 'worse' people. We are socialized to support an artificial hierarchy where able-bodied, cis-gendered, heterosexual white, men of a particular age group are 'more deserving' of the fruits of society's labor than everyone else, and everyone else deserves their own hardship. These people are the only ones allowed to express emotions...and only on a limited basis.
Fact #4: People who do not fit into the top part of the artificial hierarchy (i.e. handicapped, non-males, people of color, youth and elderly, and those who express negative emotions) are treated as if there is something 'wrong' with them, or as if they are of lesser value, simply because they do not fit into the first group.
Fact #5: People are faced with a belief (their own worth) that does not match their reality (they are devalued). They KNOW deep inside that there is no hierarchy, that all people were created equal. But their reality makes them question their worth, because they are not valued. Some even change their beliefs to match this reality, and buy into the devaluation of themselves.
Fact #6: The clash of belief and reality lead people to negative emotions, which further devalues the individual (see Fact #2).
Conclusion: If you are frustrated with the way you have been treated, you are not crazy. You are making a very rational response to an irrational world. Expressing is frowned upon not because it is wrong, but because expressing it is a challenge to the system. Your emotions --and the outrage at the injustices of the world-- are justified.
Outcome: People who are perfectly capable of being useful and productive members of society are routinely and systematically thrown under the emotional bus so that those in power can stay in power. Guess who created this narrative in the first place?
To change the world, you must first believe that you are worth it.