homo-nonsense.
Over the past couple of days, I've dealt with a lot of gay-ness.
I interviewed Cate, a professor at NMU, about changes to domestic partner benefits, which are basically benefits that partners of gay people might receive, in the new contract. These benefits were better before Proposal 2, which said that same-sex couples in a relationship resembling anything like marriage will not, under any circumstances (including benefits), be recognized by the law. So with the professor's new contract, they had to change the wording so that they wouldn't risk get sued. Unfortunately, this meant regressing in their policies.
I mean it's this big, long, hairy story about how now Cate's fighting for decent coverage so that she can have somewhat reliable health insurance for her partner who has cancer and is currently going through chemo. And even if they do get the greatest possible benefits package, maybe something that will include real benefits besides just health care, she'll still end up spending over $1,600 on taxes for those benefits just because the person it's covering isn't recognized as necessary by the IRS, the way a straight person's spouse might.
That made me think a lot about gay marriage. I've always been a supporter, of course, but I didn't realize how deep it goes, how necessary it is. How Cate's partner doesn't get her tuition covered by NMU because she isn't recognized as anything more to Cate than a friend, and then administration says in the new contract that it's ok to take away those health benefits at any time, just because of economical costs, even though that could leave those people without benefits mid-chemo. Administration, and policy makers in general, would NEVER do that to a married couple. It doesn't make sense.
Today, I had a class with Cate: editing and design. She started the class out as she always does and then interjected, mentioning that this week is "Coming Out Week" to support gay rights and freedom of sexuality. And she opened up her arms and smiled and said, "I'm gay!" A lot of the class didn't know and kind of chuckled, one kid behind me whispered to his friend that he had no idea. And I felt like I needed to speak up, like I needed to laugh casually and say, "I'm gay too!" But I was embarrassed, and so Cate ended up there alone, smiling without a problem, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't say anything. And Jack wants me to say that we're dating on FB, but even if we were and I wanted to announce it, I couldn't. Because the majority of my family doesn't know and those who do would be ashamed if I announced it like that.
Two nights ago one of my best guy friends told me that he has 'liked' me since we met; I mean, he has poetry that he's written about me. And even though he is one of the greatest people I know and I really would like to be with him, I can't. I mean I just don't have those feelings for him, and so I ended up crushing him, without really having done anything wrong. I wish that things were different, and I wish he could understand.
So, I've determined, that no one chooses to be gay. I've known that, clearly, for a long time, to those people who seem convinced that we're trying to ruin convention, it's just like, really? It's a dreadful feeling, knowing that when I go home with Melissa (who is my best friend and nothing more), my family who does know that I came out will be gossiping about whether we're together. That a part of my family can never know because that will mean that they will disown my mother. All of that is absolutely awful, but it's the truth. I wish I could say that I wasn't ashamed of being gay, but the stigma that society has placed on it delibrately in the law and unfortunately so that my family is ashamed of me, kills me. I don't want this, but I also don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life.
I interviewed Cate, a professor at NMU, about changes to domestic partner benefits, which are basically benefits that partners of gay people might receive, in the new contract. These benefits were better before Proposal 2, which said that same-sex couples in a relationship resembling anything like marriage will not, under any circumstances (including benefits), be recognized by the law. So with the professor's new contract, they had to change the wording so that they wouldn't risk get sued. Unfortunately, this meant regressing in their policies.
I mean it's this big, long, hairy story about how now Cate's fighting for decent coverage so that she can have somewhat reliable health insurance for her partner who has cancer and is currently going through chemo. And even if they do get the greatest possible benefits package, maybe something that will include real benefits besides just health care, she'll still end up spending over $1,600 on taxes for those benefits just because the person it's covering isn't recognized as necessary by the IRS, the way a straight person's spouse might.
That made me think a lot about gay marriage. I've always been a supporter, of course, but I didn't realize how deep it goes, how necessary it is. How Cate's partner doesn't get her tuition covered by NMU because she isn't recognized as anything more to Cate than a friend, and then administration says in the new contract that it's ok to take away those health benefits at any time, just because of economical costs, even though that could leave those people without benefits mid-chemo. Administration, and policy makers in general, would NEVER do that to a married couple. It doesn't make sense.
Today, I had a class with Cate: editing and design. She started the class out as she always does and then interjected, mentioning that this week is "Coming Out Week" to support gay rights and freedom of sexuality. And she opened up her arms and smiled and said, "I'm gay!" A lot of the class didn't know and kind of chuckled, one kid behind me whispered to his friend that he had no idea. And I felt like I needed to speak up, like I needed to laugh casually and say, "I'm gay too!" But I was embarrassed, and so Cate ended up there alone, smiling without a problem, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't say anything. And Jack wants me to say that we're dating on FB, but even if we were and I wanted to announce it, I couldn't. Because the majority of my family doesn't know and those who do would be ashamed if I announced it like that.
Two nights ago one of my best guy friends told me that he has 'liked' me since we met; I mean, he has poetry that he's written about me. And even though he is one of the greatest people I know and I really would like to be with him, I can't. I mean I just don't have those feelings for him, and so I ended up crushing him, without really having done anything wrong. I wish that things were different, and I wish he could understand.
So, I've determined, that no one chooses to be gay. I've known that, clearly, for a long time, to those people who seem convinced that we're trying to ruin convention, it's just like, really? It's a dreadful feeling, knowing that when I go home with Melissa (who is my best friend and nothing more), my family who does know that I came out will be gossiping about whether we're together. That a part of my family can never know because that will mean that they will disown my mother. All of that is absolutely awful, but it's the truth. I wish I could say that I wasn't ashamed of being gay, but the stigma that society has placed on it delibrately in the law and unfortunately so that my family is ashamed of me, kills me. I don't want this, but I also don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life.