call me foolish, I feel helpless

[shychick3318]

I dont know why, but today is just not my day... well yesterday wasnt either. I've been feeling down lately. It seems that after I broke up with james no one wants to talk to me anymore. I'm tired of friends and their significant others, but I'm always happy for them. I'm also happy that I'm not with james anymore because I realized that if I was I prolly wouldnt be able to spend time with my friends as I would like to. It seems that some of my friends are waay into their other lives that they have forgotten about who has been there the whole time. I've also learned alot from a past friendship and that no matter what I dont wanna loose my friends. Even if it turns out to be the kind where we just see eacother every now and then to catch up on eachothers lives, I want them in my life forever. I was stupid before and thought that just because sometimes friends have a falling out and realize that you dont need them as close to you as you originally thought, then it ment it was over for good. I have to live with that feeling forever. Because I feel horrible for the way I handled things and if I could go back and do it all again, I would do it differently. I realized that I'd rather have a friend barely in my life then completely not in my life at all.

Also, this past week has been wierd. I cant believe I led myself into a trap. A L-O-V-E trap! haha just kidding. I trusted someone else instead of myself and now I feel used and deceived. I'm handling it alot better than how I thought I would. I mean my first reaction was originally to crash my car because that does help heal the pain... But after talking to bestest friend in the world I understood that its not the end of my life and what kind of loser would I be to just give up? Its the best feeling in the world to overcome the lowest of lows, and right now I'm pretty low, but I know that I will get back up there.

See you all on the top!