Comments | shuu_cream: five mornings in New York

shuu_cream

five mornings in New York

Oct 09, 2010 02:36

Title: Five mornings in New York.
Pairing: Akame
Rating: G through to NC-17 c:
Genre: fluff, smut, romance, AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody regarding the real boys D8 ..but in this case, the Jin belongs to me and the Kame is sweetpaopuwind‘s ( Read more... )

r: nc-17, l:oneshot, p: akame

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shuu_cream October 9 2010, 01:37:26 UTC

First comment saved for Toriiii~ ♥

Guuuuuuh~ sweetpaopuwind October 9 2010, 06:53:49 UTC

Don't know where to start with this except guuuuuuh~ Oh, my God, I love it so much when you write them, and I think I might have to post the fic I did of them that's still in limbo in response even though it's nowhere near as long or awesome as this is~ *_* <3

So...yeah~ From the top. x3

I love that you put Alejandro in there. Don't know if you've noticed or not, but with Kame taking English more seriously, he's starting to get more interested in Western popular music, so there could easily be more references to Gaga and other artists in the future if you or Jin wanted. And...given the conversation last night, I think there needs to be. xD

orz You're really going to regret giving me three of the five scenes early when I say this, but...it's hard to find stuff to comment on when I'm already familiar with it. I'll pick out as much amazing stuff to reply to as I can, but hopefully this won't turn into a fail comment. >< I'm really sorry... I didn't mean for that to happen ( ... )

Re: Guuuuuuh~ sweetpaopuwind October 9 2010, 06:56:11 UTC

Okay, so...third scene. I...gah. I immediately felt myself start to get sucked into it when I started reading it. It was like flipping a switch. Your style changes so much when your prose is meant to be romantic. It's easily what you're strongest at, I think. It's really beautiful. <3

...And back to quoting. xD

if he thinks he’s been caught, glances away with a mischievous smile.

Could easily see Kame doing that. <3

Can't comment on Jin watching Kame sleep and thinking about what he wants to do other than to say that I got sucked into it. There's seriously a lyrical quality to your writing~

iprhgapigsjrphirj <333 again at Jin and then the description of Kame moving from dream to dream and the relationship between what's happening to his body and what's playing in his mind when Jin starts going down on him ( ... )

Re: Guuuuuuh~ sweetpaopuwind October 9 2010, 06:57:06 UTC

For several long, boring minutes, Jin just sits there. Head rested against the back of the couch and eyes dull as he stares up at the ceiling, he traces the knots in the wood for lack of anything better to do.

That's a really pretty mental image. Very Jin. <3

“You know,” Jin ventures softly, when what seemed to him like the most obvious thing about the situation had yet to dawn on Kame, “That if no one else from your class can make it in either, they’ll just hold the test off until another day.”...I cracked up at that. Especially Kame's reaction. xD It blows my mind that his first thought to seeing a ton of snow outside wouldn't be, "Whoo, school's canceled!" but...it's Kame. He's so gung-ho about work that it so wouldn't even cross his mind. x3 ( ... )

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Re: Guuuuuuh~ sweetpaopuwind October 9 2010, 06:59:31 UTC

And then I fucked up the HTML. -_- Knew I should have checked that. I got lazy, though. D;

And...the climax. I could quote all of that. Lol, in fact, at first I was going to quote Jin's dialogue because it's winrhgrspijrpoajhot, but then I decided that I liked the line above that, too, and then I kept reading and I realized the whole thing was just awesome. So...yeah, you get a rambly paragraph about it instead of a mile-long quote. xD Because I'm seriously starting to quote the whole fic. ='D

Guuuh, Jin's line in the afterglow about the English exam is pure yellow gold. <3 That definitely got a smile out of me~ x3

And Kame's last line is fantastic, too, tying the whole thing back to the fight they had at the beginning of the scene, and then you realize that they solved it with blizzard!sex on the couch. gipginriha Great. <3 Just great ( ... )

Re: Guuuuuuh~ shuu_cream October 9 2010, 22:04:41 UTC

..I may have doubted you if the comment hadn't been five parts long XD Gah, thank you ♥ I love long comments~ ;u;
OH. I'll mention it further down because you quoted one of the sentences, but skimming this through this morning, it's missing all of the italics I added DDD; So some lines have totally lost their effect for me.. >< But yes, you, write/post more D8 of them or just in general~ ..after bb, of course...the conversation last night wasn't so much about the music, though XD But no, that could be useful to Kame~ and Jin would obviously enjoy it ( ... )

Re: Guuuuuuh~ shuu_cream October 9 2010, 22:06:02 UTC

Ah~ who he's talking to is a secret xP I'd assume just someone else from his class, but I actually took out where it said, because I liked it coming across as Jin not knowing (so adding to him feeling a little dejected, because obviously all these other people (that know Kame but he doesn't know them) know something about Kame that he doesn't ( ... )

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