five mornings in New York
Title: Five mornings in New York.
Pairing: Akame
Rating: G through to NC-17 c:
Genre: fluff, smut, romance, AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody regarding the real boys D8 ..but in this case, the Jin belongs to me and the Kame is sweetpaopuwind‘s ( Read more... )
Pairing: Akame
Rating: G through to NC-17 c:
Genre: fluff, smut, romance, AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody regarding the real boys D8 ..but in this case, the Jin belongs to me and the Kame is sweetpaopuwind‘s ( Read more... )
So...yeah~ From the top. x3
I love that you put Alejandro in there. Don't know if you've noticed or not, but with Kame taking English more seriously, he's starting to get more interested in Western popular music, so there could easily be more references to Gaga and other artists in the future if you or Jin wanted. And...given the conversation last night, I think there needs to be. xD
orz You're really going to regret giving me three of the five scenes early when I say this, but...it's hard to find stuff to comment on when I'm already familiar with it. I'll pick out as much amazing stuff to reply to as I can, but hopefully this won't turn into a fail comment. >< I'm really sorry... I didn't mean for that to happen. >>;
The way you described Kame waking up, though, was just perfect. It's hard to explain, but he gets a good feeling reading about himself like that, as though he'd like to be woken up that way or that he's really happy Jin's managed to teach him that it's okay to sleep in occasionally. He misses his early mornings sometimes, but it's worth it when he has Jin and pancakes to wake up to. <3
...Lol, Jin really kept track of stuff like how long they lived together before Kame slept in for the first time, though? xD
x3 Baby blue's my favorite color, so even though Kame's shirt has nothing to do with the rest of the fic, that keeps jumping out at me. Plus, I imagine he'd look really hot with damp hair, tons of necklaces, and then a tight t-shirt in that color~
And for some reason I really like the mention of Jin having trouble adjusting to the new kitchen. I'm not really sure why, though. It just keeps reminding me of all the comments he's made about Kame's rice cooker being weird. xD I think there's a comment about it possibly meaning that even though the apartment in New York is theirs, that doesn't mean it's not an adjustment somewhere in there, but it won't come out. ^^;
Jin not looking one bit out of place in the centre of the kitchen, apron strings in a messy bow, freshly dyed hair pinned up and shimmering scarlet in the sunlight.
Preeeeetty~ The part about Jin's hair in particular. x3 The alliteration makes for a really nice description. <3
Ah, and yay, I see you took my revision for the grass thing~ And Jin insisting on teaching Kame more English in English until Kame's all, like, "Graaaah stop it haven't had coffee yet. >>;" x3 <3
Holding the carton at a precise angle, Kame squints at it as though he could summon the word out of it by will power alone. Or frighten it out, Jin thinks when the look turns into more of a glare.
Thiiiiis so much. That is so Kame, OMG. You nailed him, and I love it.
Lol, Kame's pleasant surprise~ Like, "Ooh, yay, pancakes and eye candy~ <3" x3
And gaaaaah, the ending is awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. I maintain, though, that Kame would have a total hissy fit if he ever realized just what 'full-fat' entailed and that Jin knowingly gave it to him to drink. xD
“Good.” Kame says sweetly, hoping that they liked it enough to compensate for how little he is enjoying dry toast.
This is the best line in the history of forever. I LOL'd so hard when I read it. x3
Guh, Kame, who doesn't bother to hide that he doesn't want Jin to work. Saying that he'll deprive Jin of snuggles and probably more than that, though, is just a touch underhanded. xD I'm glad they've (sort of) reached an agreement on what Jin should do about his job, though.
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...And back to quoting. xD
if he thinks he’s been caught, glances away with a mischievous smile.
Could easily see Kame doing that. <3
Can't comment on Jin watching Kame sleep and thinking about what he wants to do other than to say that I got sucked into it. There's seriously a lyrical quality to your writing~
iprhgapigsjrphirj <333 again at Jin and then the description of Kame moving from dream to dream and the relationship between what's happening to his body and what's playing in his mind when Jin starts going down on him.
Lol, even if Kame doesn't get why the version of him you wrote would focus on anything else if Jin decided to wake him up with a blowjob, I do. It breaks my heart to see some of his recent moodiness work its way in there, and I feel really bad for Jin having to deal with that. D: So...Kame's sorry. ><
But d'aww, Jin getting cold and then sleepy~ Lol, Kame loves him so much~ In my mind, he's just having an, "Oh, Jin~ <3" moment, complete with the fond eyeroll I think everyone's familiar with. xD
Gah, emoticons still aren't showing up. Might have to go back to the (turtle)(chu)(guitar)(pineapple) method.
Kame's teacher just makes me go DDD< No educator should make remarks about a student's personal life in class like that. >< And...hm. This is a little detail, but it's been bugging me since the first time I read it. D; I don't know if I can see a classroom full of adult learners laughing like that at Kame getting caught texting. It reads a bit more like a high school setting to me. Just my two cents~
I have so much love for Kame using fashion to learn. The mental image of Jin reading magazines to him like bedtime stories just kills me. <3
x3 I really like the details Kame thinks about that mark the change to autumn. They're very him. And lol, Jin in Uggs. xD
D'aaww, Jin's personalized onigiri. <3
Oh, but raaaage again at Kame's teacher. I admit, those aren't words I would have expected her to use (mostly because I don't think I would use them to refer to a person in context), but...since it plays directly into the end of the scene, I didn't say anything. But yeah, that's a really bitchy thing to do. >< No wonder school stresses Kame out so much. D:
Lol, Kame's reaction to learning his teacher used the word 'little' to describe Jin. I can't help but read that as him thinking of one particular aspect of his anatomy, but...I know you didn't intend it that way, so...8D; Moving on~
Yay, happy ending~ x3 Made me want to look up the dictionary definition of the word 'fluffy'. xD
...Before I comment on the last scene, let me just get something out of my system. GUUUUUUUUUUH, YOU WROTE SMUT, YOU WROTE ME SMUT, YOU WROTE ME SMUT OF OUR AKAME~~~ WRIJGPRSIJRIHRIHRAPIJG OMG. LOVE IT. LOVE IT SO MUCH, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU NEED TO ALWAYS ALWAYS WRITE LIKE THIS. <333333333
...Ahem. So. :3
x333 StressedOut!Kame is perfect. Really great~ You seriously nailed his diva side. xD <3
And I loooove him talking on his cell phone in English. Seriously, his voice in English with a New York accent thrown in is just so much love. Who was he talking to, though?
Kame shoots him a look that dares Jin to test his patience, simultaneously warning him of the consequences should he take him up on it.
I adore how you describe Kame's expressions. It's really incredible, especially because he's mine and I know exactly the look he would give. And more often than not, your descriptions match what's going on in my head almost perfectly. <3 The one thing I noticed, though, is that Kame glares a lot in this. Does Jin feel like he glares at him that much in the RP? D:
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That's a really pretty mental image. Very Jin. <3
“You know,” Jin ventures softly, when what seemed to him like the most obvious thing about the situation had yet to dawn on Kame, “That if no one else from your class can make it in either, they’ll just hold the test off until another day.”
...I cracked up at that. Especially Kame's reaction. xD It blows my mind that his first thought to seeing a ton of snow outside wouldn't be, "Whoo, school's canceled!" but...it's Kame. He's so gung-ho about work that it so wouldn't even cross his mind. x3
Ah, the thing about white lies caught my attention. I thought they agreed early on that honesty was still a better policy, but now I'm struggling to think if there have been situations where they haven't stuck to that. I can't think of any, but my memory's kind of shoddy at the moment. Can I pick your brain a bit for your thought process when you were writing this part? ^^;
Guh, the affection they show each other is so cute. <3 Another part you absolutely nailed. x3
And then there's smut. And it's lovely. Lol, don't be surprised if the quality of my comments starts to deteriorate. xD;
The descriptions of them making out are really nice. I love that first kiss. x3 <3
One thing, though. Kame tends to make very lewd sounds when Jin sucks on his neck. That's not typically something that makes him giggle. xD Just something I noticed. It's still adorable, though, so it works. x3
Gaaaaaaaah, YES, THE LUBE HIDDEN BETWEEN THE COUCH CUSHIONS MAKES AN APPEARANCE~~ YES, THIS REQUIRES ME TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS. x33 And loling forever at Kame being ironic. Who's the pervert again? He's silly. ='D
When I got to the part about Kame being submissive, I thought you were leading into the fact that you were going to write them that way, and I got excited, because they don't do it that way often. xD But then more things happened and I got even more excited because guuuuh Jin riding Kame is so UNF, and especially with these two because the sex is so good when they do it that way. So...I felt like I couldn't read fast enough, I had so much anticipation for getting to read them like that in prose form. x3
The way Jin kisses him between breathlessly stuttering out that he’s ready, more than ready, and Kame, hurry up~ makes him quickly think otherwise
x33 Sexy Jin~ He's very sexy throughout this, actually. The description of him shivering from fingering himself was <3. Somehow I think Kame was overthinking things at that point. xD
Back arching in anticipation, Jin reaches, falters, then carefully guides himself down. It’s achingly slow, and Kame is vaguely aware of the quiet, comforting words leaving his mouth unbidden as Jin pays him no heed and sinks lower, lower, and oh God it feels good, the initial burn already dull in the back of Jin’s mind as he watches Kame mirror his pleasure.
Yes. Just yes. x3 <3 You write beautifully~
...I could quote all of this. This, for example:
Several long, breathless moments pass, and when they’ve slipped into a rhythm both gentle on Jin’s strained legs and Kame’s crushed hips, Jin’s fingers slip under the hem of Kame’s sweater, nails skimming his hip. Kame’s hands inch towards Jin’s, but Jin shakes his head. A brief flash of mutual understanding, and Kame returns to gripping Jin’s hips.
<33
Lol, and I don't think I'd enjoy Kame nearly throwing Jin out of his lap if that hadn't actually almost happened. xD
Now with more control of their movements, Kame wouldn’t later deny struggling slightly to take the lead when it was a matter of Jin’s full weight bearing down on him, but Jin soon realizes the problem and cautiously shifts some of the pressure back into his legs.
“Thanks.” Kame pants against Jin’s shoulder as he feels the weight distribute more comfortably, and he can’t quite dismiss the dim throb of guilt as the muscles in Jin’s taut limbs spasm with each movement.
I like that a lot, too. x3 It's hard to put into words why. Maybe because it's come up? Not sure.
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And...the climax. I could quote all of that. Lol, in fact, at first I was going to quote Jin's dialogue because it's winrhgrspijrpoajhot, but then I decided that I liked the line above that, too, and then I kept reading and I realized the whole thing was just awesome. So...yeah, you get a rambly paragraph about it instead of a mile-long quote. xD Because I'm seriously starting to quote the whole fic. ='D
Guuuh, Jin's line in the afterglow about the English exam is pure yellow gold. <3 That definitely got a smile out of me~ x3
And Kame's last line is fantastic, too, tying the whole thing back to the fight they had at the beginning of the scene, and then you realize that they solved it with blizzard!sex on the couch. gipginriha Great. <3 Just great.
apeoihjaprihjrpohrjp You. Yoooooou~ I love you forever for this. You know that, right? x3 You're awesome, and you need to always write (and draw) them. ...Lol, actually, this probably makes it my turn to write them, huh? I totally would (almost did with that scene at Kame's parents' house I left you), but gah, bigbang fic is taking up all of my writing attention at the moment. Which reminds me, I need to send you the short scene I wrote for it before you get back. D; How about after bigbang's over? I could do it then~ xD That is, unless I get sucked into another crazy-long writing project. orz
But...yeah. Tons of love for you and our boys. x3 This was great. <3
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OH. I'll mention it further down because you quoted one of the sentences, but skimming this through this morning, it's missing all of the italics I added DDD; So some lines have totally lost their effect for me.. >< But yes, you, write/post more D8 of them or just in general~ ..after bb, of course.
..the conversation last night wasn't so much about the music, though XD But no, that could be useful to Kame~ and Jin would obviously enjoy it ♥
Ah~ I'm glad Kame likes that. I wasn't sure if he'd see it and be like 'What of course I'd wake up on time by myself if I had class D8' >>;
I'd.. say not on purpose? Like he ended up just kind of knowing how long it was, because he kept count of how long they'd lived together for so just wound up knowing when that happened too x3;
I'm glad that came across that way~ Jin having problems with the kitchen was intended like.. what you just said XD That it's theirs and it's perfect because of that, but it doesn't mean they're not having to learn to adjust. And yeah x3 Jin's so eager to help Kame out with his English, he doesn't really give the time of morning/lack of caffeine much thought. (..just thought, it's odd that Jin's the lazy sleepy one, but the one that's then energetic and manages fine with nothing ^^;)
lol and Jin wouldn't want to give up his full-fat milk, so he'd try to tell Kame it's to do with the size of the cow it comes from or something.. xD
Mm~ I wasn't sure if you'd agree with that. I had to alter that line a few times the more they talked about Jin's work situation.. ^^; By that point, I kind of thought Kame would be so used to having Jin at home, he'd rather.. not 'keep' him there, because that sounds a little controlling ;; But you know what I mean? Like they'd both enjoy the routine they've fallen into, and Kame would gently or not so, sometimes XD hint that it would be ok for it to not be disturbed.
..Ah? 8D; Is it a bad thing that it changes? Romance is the part I focus on, I guess.. possibly to the disadvantage of other scenes >.<
Mm, he doesn't have to be sorry~ I noticed a few times in this that it ended up coming across possibly as though Kame's the bad guy (which was why he got a whole scene of his own, to try and get across that he's lovely, just stressed), but I found his moods were quite useful, really.. Because much as I wanted this to be cute and fluffy, I wanted it realistic, too. And for such a big change in their lives to occur along with the wedding and everything, it wouldn't be practical for it to all just be wonderful ._. So.. I'm sorry Kame had to be used as the way of showing that ><
lol sorry the blowjob never was x3; I tried several times to end it with Jin having continued and Kame falling asleep again all spent and happy, but the idea of Jin practically forgetting what he'd been doing in favour of snuggles was just..
AH. This. Let me explain~ I based Kame's class and teacher on my own experience of school (both when I was in highschool and at college), and tbh, being in a class of adults was worse than the kids -_- And especially the way his teacher behaves- I found as I move up through years in college, the older and more complicated your life got, the more interested teachers were in discussing it/sneaking details from other people. I'd assume because when you're all adults, it was pretty casual and they just talked to you like a friend.. and as he's at school in America rather than Japan, I figured I could allow for it to be more casual ^^; And.. yeah, with the second comment you made, I suppose that's just differing experiences ^^; Some of the things teachers said in confidence to eachother (that you could always hear because it was an old building with walls like paper) about their kids were similar, if not worse than that. So.. hmm.
AH ;;;;; I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT. I WAS SO DAMNED NERVOUS IT TOOK ME LONGER TO WORK ON THAT ONE SCENE THAN ALL OF THE OTHERS xD;
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Yay~ nice to hear x3 And.. no, Jin doesn't feel that way~ That's me again.. D; I don't know why, but I always focus on the moodier aspects of Kame's personality. I don't know if it's because I try to avoid a stereotype so go out of my way to show that he's not just a cute little smiley thing, so go to far, perhaps. But I think in probably every fic I've posted with the exception of a couple, Kame's been pretty short tempered ^^; So sorry, again..
lol yeah. Jin was hoping he'd be all 'yay, snow day 8D' and drag him out to a park or something.. all wrapped up warm and with a silly little flask of hot chocolate that Jin insists they take a long but then doesn't want to carry, and he can hold Kame's hand when it gets cold because he has to take off a glove to take photos. ..ah, that would have been nice too ;u;
Ah.. the thing about white lies kind of tied in with toning Jin down to not seem quite so.. Jin-like xD; I don't know if I'd even call it a white lie, because it's more Jin not wanting to comfirm that to Kame and trying to protect him, so.. in his own mind, no, he doesn't really think that, but at the same time knows that his version of events slightly differs from reality >> Therefore it being an unintentional white lie, I suppose..
And.. yeah, I know he does xD; I didn't really get across that Jin was doing that more in a childish way than with much intent, so he giggled because he was more like 'pfff trying to distract me like that~'
OF COURSE 8D lol it was that that decided the entire scene, really..
Gah. They ended up like that because they seem to have figured that it works pretty well for them both (and because Jin just ended up conveniently in the right place for it XD) but I.. actually didn't think Jin was doing much sexy at all x3; I was focusing so much on keeping him from getting all stuttery and nervous, maybe because he's just behaving pretty much as usual, Kame sees more in it than I do 8D;
Mm~ the thing with the sweater. I'm glad you quoted that part x3; I really wanted something in there that showed they have they have a real bond, and just get eachother. Because even if sometimes they do have misunderstandings, there's plenty of time where they don't need words to just.. get things so right ♥
Oh, because you quoted a few of them.. the originals were supposed to be - 'he's ready, more than ready, and Kame, hurry up~', 'Jin pays him no heed and sinks lower, lower, and oh God it feels good,' and the one I'm saddest about is when Jin starts saying 'There', the final one was emphasized.. and boohoo I was so sleepy I didn't even think to check that it had carried all of that over. So.. erase your memory of what you've read and replace with that XD;
I'm so glad you like it ;w; I'm actually pretty sad it's over.. I'm pretty attached to it ^^; But I do enjoy writing (and drawing~) them very much, so I'm glad you approve x3; And.. yeah, your turn XD Especially as that scene with 'ka-chan was soooo cute and really needs to not just be left as it was. Ah~ I saw you sent me some more, I'll read that through when I get home (..we're at work right now xD; I thought I could save time tonight by typing this all up now). WHEN BB IS OVER WE HAVE TO WRITE FIC TOGETHER ;___; Uh. yeah. >>
♥
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