(no subject)

[shrugsnkisses]

i don't understand how everything can make me feel bad.
examples:
i am not mean but not exactly nice to someone...ding i feel bad
i am annoyed at home at my family...ding i feel bad.
i choose not to hang out with someone...ding i feel bad.
i don't get to tell someone good night...ding ifeel bad
i slip up and smoke a cigarette...ding i feel bad
i do not stand up for myself because people are superficially nice to me...ding i feel bad.
and why is it that i have this need to punish everyone by punishing myself?
maybe this is all why i keep finding more and more gray hair.
my mind needs to ease a little.