Blankets are for hugs, sleep, comfort, and suffocation.
i think i am fearful of things i have no control over.
-Conditional-
Little red haired boy,
come sit in my skin,
and whisper to me the words you always say,
except this time it will echo from the inside out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have bcome the sand
that is washed away
by the blue giant
only to become a part of a liquid world.
My connective tissue has begun to take on a gelatin composition
A week ago
my brain
(due to moist flesh)
seeped onto the ocean floor,
rainbow brain.
rainbow smart.
Though i still live,
I give up my weight,
as I gave out on Earth,
whose body is this?
and my skeleton smiles
it is ALL.
As the current changes once again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-They served pineapple in the cafeteria today-
Four feet towering over ants
and grass
pushing through mud
pushing through disaster.
The taste of prunes exists on one's tongue eternally
as the taste of cannubis leaves the tongue withered.
Stomping on fragments of sanity
Anatomy consumes the mind.
I have found truth more transparent than ever
and in return more relative.
Greenery, shrubbery, sand.
lineage takes a turn for the worst.
I can learn your trade.
Can you learn mine?
I am good at my trade.
Are you good at yours?
Pineapple used to taste so sweet
Now it just sits on little boys' laps
asking for kisses
and thinking of genitalia.
pineapple is a pervert
and i am a rude wind knocking it down from its tree.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Chapter One-
Come sit by me on clouded mists
by lily pads and alligator smiles.
Where sweet dreams mean
mosquito love-making
and mud pie bathing.
If you stay a while i will show you my treasure
buried under moss
shelved and statued Mother Oak Tree.
Under the hazel moon an owl calls out too many of my secrets
as it jibber jabs the password...
But on clouded mists by lily pads
you won't need it
because i will kiss you on your cherried cheek and wrinkled smile
and give you my treasure box.
And i will not dare admit to anything but,
you can almost promise inside will be a ballerina dancing on a gliding pedestol.
Too much has changed,
but that tutu stll sparkles,
and on every third line the metal springs still twinge.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"All you touch and all you see,
is all your life will ever be."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-How Are You?-
I don't answer to the heartless
snickering behind couches
lurking above the tin white roofs.
When did shambles become antibacterial?
When did spirals make shells of green leather oysters
mother of pearl
placing pearls where they shouldn't be
bringing dirt back to dirt
I love it.
tongue pillow hollow sickness
needs to believe in happiness
needs to believe in drugs
needs to believe in eternity
here
right here
in bed with fur safety nets
lying next to it
not on top of it
safety is found on sides and corners
which seem to rule supreme in my prison
in the man's world there is no room for curves only time.
Even though time breathes deep, heavy sighs in cycles.
Psychotic or paranoid or just hyperexaggeration in hyperchondria.
And the girl says
lift it all
into nothing
because this little rock
was once a big rock
with weight
and the weight got left behind
not beside
so someday the issue will become how much we both want to sacrifice
and I can't even mention it anymore,
I don't even feel it anymore,
I just think about red.
that some try to argue is bold and lustful
but in years past has had trouble hiding its warmth.
red.red.red.red.red.
He gives it to me once again
sitting across the table
the trophy has lost its shine
the winner has lost his magic touch
there will be no ribbons to break this race.
(what a sad excuse for a race, anyways)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-For Jonathan #4-
And it has gotten to the point
where I can say I am not laughing with you, i am laughing at you.
So go ahead and confess those great cloudy white lies
that I already could see forming in constellations
ancient decades beyond you.
it makes me nauseous.
hot threaded, scratchy, too close drunken nausea.
And the only surprise Friday night gave me was that my hand
(which I find often has a mind of its own, like th rest of my pushing body)
didn't extend its gratitude onto you cheeky
uptuned, upturned face.
It all makes me sick
like a runt of the litter
a baby kitten earful
and unaware of compassion.
Lex.Dex.Rex.
The name is the same.
As i grow older my reactions have become grossly apparent
I can not contain this heat anymore.
the fire brushes pink flames
that at first glance would be elegant
if not for the fuel,
burning milky black inside the factory.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1977
Canine field day
so it seems.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You called it.
Lucky star glitter magnet.
I hung my stocking on a redhead fireplace.
And knew I would get exactly what i wanted.
But back then I was full of something
wish on it
lucky star glitter wheel
hope
confidence
love
energy?
But back then I had short hair
like your temper, redhead fireplace.
Like your love or whatever the fuck it is, redhead fireplace.
Freedom and money and sorry
are double edged nothings
that mean everything
that mean I am here tucked in purple twelve year old heaven.
With MY pillow though.
the one that carries acne to unsuspecting campers.
And you are there
you are hugging sleep with both arms
hugging my zipped up lips of my acid dreams.
Hugging the air that is not me.
I've breathed that air on the otherside
when I was the one hugging.
And it is better on the otherside.
It is better.
Becaus eyou dream of yarn to sew onto your next heart
the one you keep just in case.
In case of what?
These days my bleeding has no knowledge of itself
only finger printing skin.
five handed basket wheezes of orange ash.
One day,
two day,
three day,
Those stockings hang on blunt nails over a ton of garbage bag orange ash.
The world has just collapsed
into soaking water
stockings,
soaking soot of the sunset.
So what if you don't care?
Because suddenly it is not then
and I am not sewing
I don't even have an extra pair
or a back-up plan.
The world has just collapsed into stars above water.
And the caribou on the stockings falls flat
as the lucky star glitter glue spells out
'Another Attempt'
Flash On.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*and in dedication to chris's dear darling idea i wrote a letter to darling.
Dear Darling,
Mistakes are alot easier to make then people teach.
One day you will realize you don't even know what a mistake is anymore. Or what is good or bad or right or wrong. And things will be very sad for a long time. But just know you can be undeniably one hundred percent happy but you will never be undeniably one hundred percent sure of anything-
only your happiness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clear your mind then your throat.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-For Alex #1-
Let's do it all again,
I'll put on the black hat,
you can wear the red dress.
(since I know you like it so much)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reform the black sea
hovering above
demand the lighting yellow
in contrast to our love.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update:
I um saw Gabs for the first time inlike two years :)
I um am working two jobs
I um am still in love with Speedie
I um am just generally really confused right now
I um have a girl crush on this girl Shima.
and that's about it.
-Conditional-
Little red haired boy,
come sit in my skin,
and whisper to me the words you always say,
except this time it will echo from the inside out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have bcome the sand
that is washed away
by the blue giant
only to become a part of a liquid world.
My connective tissue has begun to take on a gelatin composition
A week ago
my brain
(due to moist flesh)
seeped onto the ocean floor,
rainbow brain.
rainbow smart.
Though i still live,
I give up my weight,
as I gave out on Earth,
whose body is this?
and my skeleton smiles
it is ALL.
As the current changes once again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-They served pineapple in the cafeteria today-
Four feet towering over ants
and grass
pushing through mud
pushing through disaster.
The taste of prunes exists on one's tongue eternally
as the taste of cannubis leaves the tongue withered.
Stomping on fragments of sanity
Anatomy consumes the mind.
I have found truth more transparent than ever
and in return more relative.
Greenery, shrubbery, sand.
lineage takes a turn for the worst.
I can learn your trade.
Can you learn mine?
I am good at my trade.
Are you good at yours?
Pineapple used to taste so sweet
Now it just sits on little boys' laps
asking for kisses
and thinking of genitalia.
pineapple is a pervert
and i am a rude wind knocking it down from its tree.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Chapter One-
Come sit by me on clouded mists
by lily pads and alligator smiles.
Where sweet dreams mean
mosquito love-making
and mud pie bathing.
If you stay a while i will show you my treasure
buried under moss
shelved and statued Mother Oak Tree.
Under the hazel moon an owl calls out too many of my secrets
as it jibber jabs the password...
But on clouded mists by lily pads
you won't need it
because i will kiss you on your cherried cheek and wrinkled smile
and give you my treasure box.
And i will not dare admit to anything but,
you can almost promise inside will be a ballerina dancing on a gliding pedestol.
Too much has changed,
but that tutu stll sparkles,
and on every third line the metal springs still twinge.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"All you touch and all you see,
is all your life will ever be."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-How Are You?-
I don't answer to the heartless
snickering behind couches
lurking above the tin white roofs.
When did shambles become antibacterial?
When did spirals make shells of green leather oysters
mother of pearl
placing pearls where they shouldn't be
bringing dirt back to dirt
I love it.
tongue pillow hollow sickness
needs to believe in happiness
needs to believe in drugs
needs to believe in eternity
here
right here
in bed with fur safety nets
lying next to it
not on top of it
safety is found on sides and corners
which seem to rule supreme in my prison
in the man's world there is no room for curves only time.
Even though time breathes deep, heavy sighs in cycles.
Psychotic or paranoid or just hyperexaggeration in hyperchondria.
And the girl says
lift it all
into nothing
because this little rock
was once a big rock
with weight
and the weight got left behind
not beside
so someday the issue will become how much we both want to sacrifice
and I can't even mention it anymore,
I don't even feel it anymore,
I just think about red.
that some try to argue is bold and lustful
but in years past has had trouble hiding its warmth.
red.red.red.red.red.
He gives it to me once again
sitting across the table
the trophy has lost its shine
the winner has lost his magic touch
there will be no ribbons to break this race.
(what a sad excuse for a race, anyways)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-For Jonathan #4-
And it has gotten to the point
where I can say I am not laughing with you, i am laughing at you.
So go ahead and confess those great cloudy white lies
that I already could see forming in constellations
ancient decades beyond you.
it makes me nauseous.
hot threaded, scratchy, too close drunken nausea.
And the only surprise Friday night gave me was that my hand
(which I find often has a mind of its own, like th rest of my pushing body)
didn't extend its gratitude onto you cheeky
uptuned, upturned face.
It all makes me sick
like a runt of the litter
a baby kitten earful
and unaware of compassion.
Lex.Dex.Rex.
The name is the same.
As i grow older my reactions have become grossly apparent
I can not contain this heat anymore.
the fire brushes pink flames
that at first glance would be elegant
if not for the fuel,
burning milky black inside the factory.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1977
Canine field day
so it seems.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You called it.
Lucky star glitter magnet.
I hung my stocking on a redhead fireplace.
And knew I would get exactly what i wanted.
But back then I was full of something
wish on it
lucky star glitter wheel
hope
confidence
love
energy?
But back then I had short hair
like your temper, redhead fireplace.
Like your love or whatever the fuck it is, redhead fireplace.
Freedom and money and sorry
are double edged nothings
that mean everything
that mean I am here tucked in purple twelve year old heaven.
With MY pillow though.
the one that carries acne to unsuspecting campers.
And you are there
you are hugging sleep with both arms
hugging my zipped up lips of my acid dreams.
Hugging the air that is not me.
I've breathed that air on the otherside
when I was the one hugging.
And it is better on the otherside.
It is better.
Becaus eyou dream of yarn to sew onto your next heart
the one you keep just in case.
In case of what?
These days my bleeding has no knowledge of itself
only finger printing skin.
five handed basket wheezes of orange ash.
One day,
two day,
three day,
Those stockings hang on blunt nails over a ton of garbage bag orange ash.
The world has just collapsed
into soaking water
stockings,
soaking soot of the sunset.
So what if you don't care?
Because suddenly it is not then
and I am not sewing
I don't even have an extra pair
or a back-up plan.
The world has just collapsed into stars above water.
And the caribou on the stockings falls flat
as the lucky star glitter glue spells out
'Another Attempt'
Flash On.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*and in dedication to chris's dear darling idea i wrote a letter to darling.
Dear Darling,
Mistakes are alot easier to make then people teach.
One day you will realize you don't even know what a mistake is anymore. Or what is good or bad or right or wrong. And things will be very sad for a long time. But just know you can be undeniably one hundred percent happy but you will never be undeniably one hundred percent sure of anything-
only your happiness.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clear your mind then your throat.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-For Alex #1-
Let's do it all again,
I'll put on the black hat,
you can wear the red dress.
(since I know you like it so much)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reform the black sea
hovering above
demand the lighting yellow
in contrast to our love.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update:
I um saw Gabs for the first time inlike two years :)
I um am working two jobs
I um am still in love with Speedie
I um am just generally really confused right now
I um have a girl crush on this girl Shima.
and that's about it.