2:24 a.m.
I don't like myself at 2:24 a.m.. To be honest, I'm really not that bad in general, but I am an absolute mess during the late-night portion of the day. I am sitting here, finally finished with the tears, and the frustration of even attempting to sleep. I am at the point where I can only stare blankly at the screen, and focus on the massive headache I've managed to give myself from thinking far too much, as usual. Everything is blurry everywhere I look, but unfortunately, my thoughts are very clear. How long will I be able to deal with this? When is the day that I lose and speak my mind all at once? I realize that I keep talking about the same things, and I apologize to myself and those who read this for letting anything get to me this much. I'm losing control, and that is not something that happens to me. Fuck.
But I know how I'll feel in the morning. All of the emotions will be dulled, and I will be able to appreciate the beauty of a day to myself. Thank God for that. Since I'm not sure of who else I could thank. I guess it would have to be the person that came up with the concept of using words to communicate, and writing them down. I guess we could call him Bob, for generality's sake. So... thanks, Bob, for the whole word idea. They have provided me with a great amount of comfort. Monday will be my day to write, and it will be magnificent. You will see me here tomorrow. It feels good to know I have the time to be able to say that with confidence.
I swear, writing is like magic. You wouldn't even want to look at me in the state I was in at the beginning of this entry... and now I'm almost smiling. Not quite, because that would be creepy, but I feel like I could. I have relaxed, and can (surprisingly) start to contemplate sleep. The questions and mind-torture can stick to the back of my mind for now.
Goodnight.
But I know how I'll feel in the morning. All of the emotions will be dulled, and I will be able to appreciate the beauty of a day to myself. Thank God for that. Since I'm not sure of who else I could thank. I guess it would have to be the person that came up with the concept of using words to communicate, and writing them down. I guess we could call him Bob, for generality's sake. So... thanks, Bob, for the whole word idea. They have provided me with a great amount of comfort. Monday will be my day to write, and it will be magnificent. You will see me here tomorrow. It feels good to know I have the time to be able to say that with confidence.
I swear, writing is like magic. You wouldn't even want to look at me in the state I was in at the beginning of this entry... and now I'm almost smiling. Not quite, because that would be creepy, but I feel like I could. I have relaxed, and can (surprisingly) start to contemplate sleep. The questions and mind-torture can stick to the back of my mind for now.
Goodnight.