#1185
I can hear the sound of fighter planes as I type away on my pad. National Day preview, fun stuff. Been looking at pretty girls for the past two hours or so. My version of inane online activity I guess. Everybody loves hot girls. Pretty girls with pretty clothes taking pretty photos of themselves, with their flowery prose on how they put these outfits together, how the latest fashion shows inspired them... you name it. I used to do this more often, wondering why I didn't have a 45kg body like these people did. (Speaking of weight, Urban last week covered blogshop models and one of them is 1.56cm tall and 38kg wtf let me retreat into my yeti cave... Oh wait I'm stuck, cave too small!)
Lookbook.nu used to make me feel like that too. I've always wanted to be one of those girls who could leave the house in their PJs and look effortlessly good. Nothing makes one feel as insecure as dressing up (with full makeup + outfit etc) and then having one of those girls in PJs walk past looking ten times better. It's quite funny I suppose, the less aesthetic your features are, the more effort you have to put in and yet the more you still end up feeling uglier than everyone else.
Sianface.
I've been at the same weight for the past 6 months at least. It's the heaviest I've ever been my whole life yet strangely it truthfully doesn't feel so. Perhaps it's denial but I really didn't believe my scale was telling me the truth, until one day I weighed myself on another friend's scale. One year ago I was 6kg lighter but perhaps it's best not to keep bringing up those glorious days. I think my body is aging and the combination of stress, exhaustion and lack of sleep is really screwing it up. On random days I get overwhelming nausea coursing through my body and I just can't stomach anything wetter and softer than Oheya crackers. On other days I get phantom period cramps. And when my period comes by I put on 2kg and look like I'm 2 months pregnant. I also get the occasional heartburn then.
In addition to the physical, my mental faculties are also breaking down. I get bouts of overwhelming negative emotion and usually cannot pinpoint a cause (so I put the blame on good 'ol dentistry but in any case 85% of my negative emotions can be traced to dental school and this is just me accounting for the remaining 15% of idiopathic sadness). My brain ceases to function after 530pm and by 1030pm every night, usually not by choice, I have knocked out and entered REM sleep. This usually (unfortunately) happens regardless of where I am - in a cab/on a bus on the way home, on the couch, at the dining table, etc. I then wake up at 3am, go 'wtf', and muster all the energy I can to plug my phone into the charger. Psh, such dependence. I feel rather burnt out and as an acquaintance pointed out yesterday, my ahpek and I have matching dark circles from dental school. I reckon they will soon consume my eyes and slits will be left, and I will then finally look rightfully Chinese (no more uncles on trains looking shocked when I speak to them in Chinese - 'wah how come you can speak Chinese!').
(Took this screenshot during a movie, I forgot which. Anyone know? Ok actually I think it may have been Skins)
I feel calm. This is a rare feeling. Gotta prolong it.
In other news, I will be spinning a set (either super short or tag team style with two other guys) for NUS' Supernova party at UTown on the 31st Aug. The event is at night and I promise you some dirty electro house. Drop by cuz imma drop the bass yo~
Oh yes and on that point, there has recently been this notice pasted at the lift landing on my floor complaining of loud music. Oops. Hahahahahaha. It is rather funny let me get a photo of it imma upload it.
Lookbook.nu used to make me feel like that too. I've always wanted to be one of those girls who could leave the house in their PJs and look effortlessly good. Nothing makes one feel as insecure as dressing up (with full makeup + outfit etc) and then having one of those girls in PJs walk past looking ten times better. It's quite funny I suppose, the less aesthetic your features are, the more effort you have to put in and yet the more you still end up feeling uglier than everyone else.
Sianface.
I've been at the same weight for the past 6 months at least. It's the heaviest I've ever been my whole life yet strangely it truthfully doesn't feel so. Perhaps it's denial but I really didn't believe my scale was telling me the truth, until one day I weighed myself on another friend's scale. One year ago I was 6kg lighter but perhaps it's best not to keep bringing up those glorious days. I think my body is aging and the combination of stress, exhaustion and lack of sleep is really screwing it up. On random days I get overwhelming nausea coursing through my body and I just can't stomach anything wetter and softer than Oheya crackers. On other days I get phantom period cramps. And when my period comes by I put on 2kg and look like I'm 2 months pregnant. I also get the occasional heartburn then.
In addition to the physical, my mental faculties are also breaking down. I get bouts of overwhelming negative emotion and usually cannot pinpoint a cause (so I put the blame on good 'ol dentistry but in any case 85% of my negative emotions can be traced to dental school and this is just me accounting for the remaining 15% of idiopathic sadness). My brain ceases to function after 530pm and by 1030pm every night, usually not by choice, I have knocked out and entered REM sleep. This usually (unfortunately) happens regardless of where I am - in a cab/on a bus on the way home, on the couch, at the dining table, etc. I then wake up at 3am, go 'wtf', and muster all the energy I can to plug my phone into the charger. Psh, such dependence. I feel rather burnt out and as an acquaintance pointed out yesterday, my ahpek and I have matching dark circles from dental school. I reckon they will soon consume my eyes and slits will be left, and I will then finally look rightfully Chinese (no more uncles on trains looking shocked when I speak to them in Chinese - 'wah how come you can speak Chinese!').
(Took this screenshot during a movie, I forgot which. Anyone know? Ok actually I think it may have been Skins)
I feel calm. This is a rare feeling. Gotta prolong it.
In other news, I will be spinning a set (either super short or tag team style with two other guys) for NUS' Supernova party at UTown on the 31st Aug. The event is at night and I promise you some dirty electro house. Drop by cuz imma drop the bass yo~
Oh yes and on that point, there has recently been this notice pasted at the lift landing on my floor complaining of loud music. Oops. Hahahahahaha. It is rather funny let me get a photo of it imma upload it.