Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour - Chapter 14 (Pt.2)
Yay! Update!
Thanks to llamaramauk for being an awesome beta!
Title: Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
Authors: Lyrical Rawr & Shiva
Pairing: Fake!? Phoenix/Edgeworth
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor/Romance
Warnings: Swearing, possible SPOILERS for GS1 and 2
Status: Complete
Word count (Ch.14): 11,623
Summary: Miles desperately needs a way to get rid of an unwanted admirer, and what better way is there than to pretend to date his very male, straight best friend and rival? It sounded so foolproof in his head...
Chapter 1 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 21
Chapter 2 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 17
Chapter 3 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 18
Chapter 4 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 19
Chapter 5 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 20
*** WARNING!!! This is Part TWO of Chapter 14!!! ***
Click here for Part One!
It didn’t take them very long to get to the Criminal Affairs Department with Miles leading the way. When they entered, Phoenix found the smiles aimed in their direction quite nice, though he figured they were probably due to Edgeworth’s presence and not to his own popularity increasing.
Gumshoe was sitting at his usual desk on the other side of the room. He turned around to wave them over. “Hey, sir!”
“Good afternoon, Detec--” Miles cut himself off, his facial expression turning sour. “What is that horrendous smell?”
Phoenix took a deep breath through his nose and almost gagged, resorting to pinching his nose. “Ugh! That’s foul!”
The happy expression on Gumshoe’s face fell. “Oh, yeah… That would be me.”
Glancing around the surrounding desks, Phoenix noticed that most of the detectives had moved away, and that some had clothespins on their noses.
“Has your landlord cut off your water supply again?” Miles asked, somehow retaining his composure without holding a hand to his nose - though his eyes did seem a bit twitchy.
“No, sir. In fact, I’ve had all my utility bills up to date for the last three months!” Gumshoe demonstrated a flash of undeserved pride at this, before his expression turned gloomy again. “It’s actually because I’ve been at the landfill site all morning - specifically in the landfill, sir.”
“In the landfill!?” Phoenix exclaimed.
Is this some kind of new detective hobby I don’t know about?
“Well, pal, the casino had its trash taken away just after the murder and the actual container they used for the casino was impossible to find.” Gumshoe punched a fist into his other hand. “But that wasn’t going to stop me! No, sirree! I went to the site and rummaged through every garbage truck from the area and found the crucial evidence!”
I’ve got to hand it to him; he makes trash can diving sound a lot more noble than I ever thought possible.
“Indeed,” Miles commented dryly, probably still struggling with the stench surrounding them. “I’m eager to see the results of your labour. Please play the footage.”
“Yes, sir!” Gumshoe boomed, turning around to pick up a small disc. “As you can see, sir, this is a top-notch, high-definition disc! Anything on this baby is gonna be conclusive!” He smiled broadly and went to slot the disc into his desktop, before stopping himself. “Wait…” He turned around in his chair and pointed at Phoenix. “Why are you here, pal? You spying on the opposition? Trying to scam our evidence?”
“Wha--no! N-no, of course not!” Phoenix stammered, holding out his hands in defence.
Gumshoe narrowed his eyes. “That sure sounded suspicious to me, pal.”
“Don’t worry, Detective, he’s here with me,” Miles intervened. “The defendant is not his client.”
Wondering how he’d managed to get scared by Gumshoe, of all people, Phoenix felt his heartbeat go back down to a normal level. “Yeah, I don’t even know what’s going on!”
“Alright, sir, if you say so. I can always get security on him if he’s bothering you.”
Geez, why does he always think I’m up to no good?
“I’ll bear that in mind, Detective.”
Gumshoe popped the disc in the computer and the footage started automatically. The picture seemed to be from a casino security camera which rotated slowly between two different positions. On the right side, Phoenix could make out a few rows of slot machines, and when it switched over to the left, there was a floor of poker tables. Gumshoe sped up the footage so it was running at 4x speed. After a moment, the camera suddenly stopped rotating, focusing on just the poker tables.
Miles reached over and fast-forwarded the footage even more, but the camera didn’t budge. “What is going on here? We’ve lost the crime scene!”
Gumshoe scratched his cheek, a solemn look on his face. “It looks like the security camera jammed, sir.”
Massaging his temple, Miles glared down at the computer screen. “I should have known this wouldn’t be the end of it…” He sighed. “We shall have to make do with what we have.”
The disc continued to play at high speed for another ten minutes or so, until Miles suddenly reached over to pause the footage, making Phoenix jump in the process. “There!” He straightened back up and crossed his arms. “So that’s how she did it…”
Phoenix stared at the screen for a moment. “I don’t see it,” he said, scanning the picture for any signs of a dead body.
“Neither do I, sir,” Gumshoe concurred. “I’m pretty sure he was killed next to the slot machines.”
“Do keep up. We have already established that we don’t have the footage of the murder. But we can spot any difference in the periphery.” Miles pointed at the lone security guard standing next to the closest poker table. “This guard looks like she’s been here the whole time. However, if I rewind slightly…” He shifted back a minute or so. “Can you see it?”
Phoenix scrutinised the picture. Gumshoe was right; the video quality was pretty good. Not quite good enough to make out the guard’s face, but something about her seemed different…
“There’s two different guards!” Phoenix exclaimed. “The other one was wearing gloves.”
“Correct.”
Phoenix grabbed the mouse and fast-forwarded to where Miles had first paused the footage. “And this new one has a file in her pocket as well.” He got closer to the screen to read the top line of the document. “‘HDCriminals’. Huh.”
Gumshoe suddenly looked thoughtful. “That sounds familiar, pal.”
“Detective, I need a request for a search warrant as soon as possible!” Miles stated, obviously still two steps ahead of both Phoenix and Gumshoe.
I can’t believe I’m basically on the same wavelength as Gumshoe. God help me.
“I’ll get one drawn up straight away, sir!” Gumshoe almost shouted, the excitement of having a lead seeming to kick-start him. “I can also drop it off at the Courthouse for you as soon as it’s printed.”
Miles wrinkled his nose slightly. “I strongly advise you take your lunch hour to head home for a shower and a change of clothes. Don’t worry, I’ll drop off the warrant request and have it approved. We can meet at HDCriminals when I have it.”
Gumshoe gave him a sheepish look. “Y-yes, sir.” He turned his attention back to the computer and started preparing the warrant request.
“So, err, I’m guessing this means something, then?” Phoenix asked, feeling like he’d fallen behind Gumshoe at this moment and not liking it.
“HDCriminals is the company owned by the defendant,” Miles replied, turning to face Phoenix. “I apologise again, Wright. It appears this is going to take a bit longer to investigate. You don’t have to hang around if you don’t want to.”
Phoenix smiled. “Like I said, don’t worry. You’re giving me a better reason to dodge my chores than I could ever think up.”
Miles regarded him scrutinisingly, before finally accepting his choice with a nod.
Once Gumshoe’s document had printed, the three of them left and Miles and Phoenix headed straight to the Courthouse for the warrant.
---
Acquiring the warrant from the Judge was a lot faster than Phoenix thought it would be. In fact, he was quite impressed by how Edgeworth’s mere presence seemed to speed up the process. He had hardly said anything in order to get the warrant approved and, before Phoenix could blink more than a couple of times, everything was ready for them to head over to HDCriminals.
After retrieving Miles’ car from the café, they made their way to the building in question and waited for Gumshoe and the officers in the lobby. When they arrived, they asked the receptionist for directions, and it turned out that the floor they needed was ten stories up. Phoenix didn’t let Miles convince him to take the elevator with Gumshoe, but deeply regretted his decision after what felt like hundreds of steps.
“I wish they’d label these floors,” Phoenix grumbled as they walked up, slightly out of breath.
“They do,” Miles replied. Phoenix suspected he deliberately kept his response brief so as not to show that he was out of breath as well. “That door was fourth.”
“Fourth!? I could have sworn we were near the friggin’ top by now!”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
Phoenix smirked. “But it might get to the point where ‘we cannot hold mortality’s strong hand’!”
Miles frowned, before it seemed to click. “Very witty, Wright.”
Come on, it was a bit more than just witty… I bet he hasn’t even seen a performance of King John.
“I think I’m going to pass out.”
“I didn’t ask you to come with me,” Miles said sternly.
Phoenix looked up as they reached the top of the steps and noticed that they were only halfway to the fifth floor. “Okay, I’m definitely going to die.”
“Well, that escalated quickly,” Miles muttered in response.
They finally reached the tenth floor, both obviously struggling to breathe no matter how much Miles tried to hide it, and made a beeline for the CEO’s office to meet with Gumshoe.
The room was moderately sized; bigger than Phoenix’s office, but probably smaller than Edgeworth’s. There were a few bookshelves along the walls, and a large wooden cabinet that looked slightly out of place. Some of the shelves had statues on them, and a small Hindu tapestry was hanging on the back wall. There was an especially ornate statue of Shiva with the deity’s many arms coated in white gold and blue gems, but Phoenix couldn’t name the rest of them, which made him feel slightly uncultured. The majority of the books appeared to be on engineering, and a diploma for some degree in electronics hung on the wall.
Gumshoe and the two officers had busied themselves with the bookshelves, checking every book and ornament. Not wasting any time, Miles walked over to the cabinet and inspected every corner, before opening the doors and looking through the contents.
“What are you looking for?” Phoenix asked.
“Something incriminating,” Miles replied dryly.
I guess that was a stupid question…
“Hey, pal,” Gumshoe called, grabbing Phoenix’s attention. He pointed a finger at him, a fierce look on his face. “Don’t you go rearranging anything or messing with important evidence! Your client is guilty as charged this time, pal!”
How many times…!?
“I don’t have a client!” Phoenix repeated. “I’m just an innocent, clientless defence attorney!”
Yelling out his profession might not have been the smartest thing to do as it seemed to earn him some evil looks from the police officers helping Gumshoe.
Oops…
“Whatever, pal! Just don’t touch anything! I’m watching you.”
“Alright, geez…”
Sighing, Phoenix leaned against the desk and decided to keep his mouth shut to avoid further embarrassment. After a while, he shifted slightly and felt something pressed against the back of his lower thigh. He looked down and noticed a small section of wood sticking out from the edge of the desk. As he pressed against it with a bit more force, the edge receded back into line with the desk. Turning around, he picked at the area with his nails, which revealed a very thin concealed drawer just below the surface. Inside it was a single photo of a man with his arm around a woman as they sat on a beach towel near the ocean. Phoenix picked up the photo and took a look at the back. There was a sequence of numbers and letters that resembled some sort of code.
“Hey, Edgeworth,” Phoenix called out, inspecting the writing. “I found something hidden. Hidden normally means incriminating, right?”
Miles came to stand next to him, a small bottle in his hand. “They don’t always have to be hidden.” He presented the bottle to Phoenix, who looked at it dumbly.
“Ipecac syrup? That sounds like it would be tasty on pancakes.”
“It’s an emetic,” Miles informed him. “Trust me, you don’t want it on your pancakes.”
As if it wasn’t already obvious enough that I have no clue what’s happening…
Phoenix handed over his find, indicating the concealed drawer he had obtained it from.
“It’s already been made clear that these two were involved in the past,” Miles said, sounding a little disappointed.
“There’s also some nonsense written on the back, if that helps.”
Miles flipped the picture over and scowled. “Ah, yes, I can always trust you to provide me with a load of nonsense, Wright.”
And I can always trust you to be a complete jerk, Edgeworth.
“Hey, watch that statue!” Gumshoe boomed, making both Phoenix and Miles turn to witness one of the policemen propping the Shiva statue back on the shelf from where it had toppled slightly. “One wrong move and the criminal could get away with everything!” He threw his arms out to emphasize his statement and knocked another statue off a shelf near him. “Yeah, I… meant to do that.”
Miles strode over to where Gumshoe was standing, having apparently noticed something where the statue had been. He pulled out a piece of paper and frowned. “It’s the company’s credit report. They’ve lost a fair amount of money recently.”
The investigation went on for a while longer. Phoenix felt slightly out of place, sitting around and not really doing much.
Well, it’s my own fault. I should have known this would take a while.
After searching just about everywhere in the office, Miles turned on the computer. Looking through the defendant’s emails, he found some messages between her and the victim. They seemed fairly benign, but Miles still ordered for them to be copied, showing that even prosecutors clung to tiny bits of potential evidence.
Gumshoe’s team finally packed up their equipment and were ready to go by around six o’clock. After they left, Miles took one last look around, probably to make sure nothing had been overlooked, before walking back over to Phoenix.
“I believe I should apologise for spending the rest of the afternoon investigating,” Miles said, checking his watch.
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s cool?” Phoenix replied, following Miles out of the office. “Besides, it’s not like we wasted the whole day.”
Miles raised an eyebrow. “What are you insinuating?”
“Well, I don’t have any plans now, and I know you’re done with your investigation till court, so…” Phoenix shrugged.
“I would have thought you’d be bored of me by now, Wright.”
“Normally, I would be, of course,” Phoenix agreed with a cheeky grin, “but I haven’t exactly been talking to you for the last couple of hours.”
Miles seemed to ponder for a few seconds. “…I suppose I could put up with you for a bit longer. Where do you propose we go?”
“You could come over to my place for coffee,” Phoenix suggested as they started walking down the stairs. “Actually, I have tea. I saw it last time I went grocery shopping and thought of you.” He smiled. “And you’ll be heading there to drop me off, anyway.”
Miles nodded slowly. “Well, it looks as though you’ll get the chance to show me some of your relaxation techniques, after all.”
Phoenix blinked a few times, before bursting into fits of laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Miles asked, a confused look on his face.
Did he not just hear himself!?
“You… That sounded so wrong, Edgeworth! I mean… ‘relaxation techniques’?” He bit his lip to stop himself from laughing again.
“Don’t make me change my mind,” Miles said, turning away, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment.
Glad he wasn’t the one looking stupid for once, Phoenix simply grinned in response.
---
Phoenix kicked off his shoes as he entered the apartment and walked over to the coffee table. Picking up the remote, he turned the TV on and recognised the character on the screen as Doctor Manhattan.
“Oh, look, Watchmen is on.” Phoenix looked over at Miles, who was standing near the door. “Come sit. You can watch TV while I make the tea.”
Miles glanced at the TV, then gave Phoenix a blank look.
“Right, that’s not your kind of movie, is it?” Phoenix said, remembering it was Edgeworth he was talking to. “You can change it if you want.”
Miles shook his head. “It’s fine.” He made his way to the couch and sat down, before looking up at Phoenix. “Can’t be worse than what we had to sit through yesterday.”
“Oh God, don’t remind me. I don’t think anything could ever compete with that.” Phoenix smirked. “Well… except maybe that stupid Samurai show you’re so obsessed with.”
Miles sent him a disapproving look. “It’s not--” He cut himself off, his eyes widening as he seemed to realise what he’d come this close to admitting. “I’m not obsessed with it,” he amended, trying to cover his slip of the tongue.
Phoenix burst out laughing.
“It’s not funny,” Miles muttered, crossing his arms.
“Oh man,” Phoenix said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “You should have seen your face.”
Miles’ gaze turned into a glare.
“Aww, come on.” Phoenix sat down next to Miles and smiled. “Look, there’s no point in hiding it. I won’t make fun of you.”
“You just did.”
“I was laughing at how stupid you’re being about it, not at the fact that you’re the biggest Steel Samur--”
“You’re doing it again!” Miles interrupted, failing to hide the amusement in his voice.
Phoenix chuckled. “Only because you’re so fun to annoy. But like I said, there’s no need to hide it; it’s just me.”
Miles narrowed his eyes, then seemed to hesitate before answering, “I suppose.”
“Hey, we could go see that movie on Friday if you want,” Phoenix suggested, remembering the poster from last night. “I’ll probably hate it, but I don’t mind going with you.”
“…The movie?” Miles studied his face for a moment. “You’re serious.”
“Well, I did say we had to go see a movie not chosen by Kath.”
“Yes, but I didn’t realise that you meant…” Miles shook his head. “Never mind.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “So, you wanna go?”
“I’ll have to see how much paperwork I get this week,” Miles replied. “I’ll let you know.”
“Alright.” Phoenix glanced at the TV, then down at the remote in his hand. “Here,” he said, offering it to Miles. “I’ll go make the tea.”
Miles took the remote and Phoenix got up from the couch. He made his way into the kitchen and picked up the kettle. After spilling the old water in the sink, he rinsed it and filled it up, before putting it back on its base and flicking the switch.
He grabbed two cups from the cupboard and placed them down on the counter, then walked over to the pantry to get the box of tea. Opening the box, he took out two tea bags and put them in the cups, then waited for the water to finish boiling. When the switch finally clicked, he quickly poured the water and made his way back to the living room.
“You like yours black, right?” Phoenix asked, putting the cups down on the coffee table.
Miles nodded, then looked down at the cups. “No coasters?”
Phoenix shrugged and sat down. “It’s okay, it’s an old table.”
“If you say so,” Miles said, picking up his cup. He looked at the tea for a few seconds, then pulled the tea bag halfway out. “Where do I put this?”
“Oh!” Phoenix looked at the coffee table and noticed a bowl he’d forgotten to pick up the other night. “Here,” he said, grabbing it and holding it in front of Miles.
Miles raised an eyebrow, but still proceeded to put the tea bag in it.
Phoenix did the same for his, then put the bowl back on the table. “Sorry about that. I’m so used to making coffee.”
“Coffee is bad for you,” Miles commented with a smirk.
Phoenix smiled. “Yeah, well, it keeps me awake.” He picked up his cup and took a sip, before grimacing at the bitterness. “And it tastes better.”
Miles snorted. “You’re just not used to the taste. Why are you drinking it black?”
“I dunno. I figured I’d take it the same way you do.”
“I see…” Miles said, before taking a drink. He then glanced at the TV and seemed to do a double take.
Phoenix turned to see what had caused Miles’ reaction and saw Doctor Manhattan floating in the air, naked.
Oh God.
Phoenix burst out laughing.
Miles rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re laughing becau--”
“Because of the giant blue dick?” Phoenix cut in through chuckles. “Yes.”
Miles gave him a patronising look but was unable to stop a smile from forming on his lips. “Why do you always have to be so immature?”
Phoenix snorted. “Why do you always have to be so mature?”
“Because, unlike you, I know how to act my age.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You’re twenty-five, not fifty.”
“And you’re acting like a five-year-old.”
“Psh… you just don’t have any sense of humour.”
Miles frowned. “That’s not true.”
Phoenix gave him an unimpressed look. “Oh yeah? What do you find funny, then?”
“A lot of things,” Miles replied dryly, turning to the TV.
Nice try, Edgeworth.
“Like what?”
Miles sighed. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
Miles took a sip of his tea and turned back to him. “I can’t think of anything right now, but it’s not as if nothing ever amuses me.”
Phoenix smiled. “I bet I can make you laugh.” He put his cup down on the coffee table and twisted sideways on the couch, folding his left leg under him.
“Should I be scared?” Miles asked, a sceptical look on his face.
“When ducks fly,” Phoenix began in a serious voice, “why is one side of the ‘V’ longer than the other?”
“I don’t think one side is always longer than the other, Wright,” Miles criticised.
“Well, for the sake of the joke, let’s say it is.”
“I don’t know, then.”
Phoenix grinned. “‘Cause it has more ducks.”
Miles rolled his eyes. “I should have seen that coming.”
“Oh, come on! It was funny!” Phoenix said, nudging Miles on the arm.
Miles glanced down at Phoenix’s hand, then back up at him. “Not really.”
“Okay, I have a better one.” Phoenix snickered. “What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?”
“I don’t know,” Miles replied in a bored voice.
“Any kind,” Phoenix stated. “Buildings can’t jump!”
Miles blinked, then his expression changed to one Phoenix had never seen before - or, at least, never to that extent. He quickly turned away, but not before Phoenix had time to notice the wide smile on his face.
“Aha! You’re laughing!”
When Miles didn’t respond, Phoenix scooted closer to him and leaned forward to try and look at his face.
Miles suddenly turned to him, startled. “What are you doing?”
Oops… I guess I invaded his personal space.
“Just proving that I’m right,” Phoenix replied, sitting back straight.
Miles stared at him for a moment, then smirked. “Actually, you just proved that I have a sense of humour.”
…Damn it!
“So my joke was funny?” Phoenix asked, sounding a bit too proud of himself.
“It was… clever.”
Phoenix smiled and picked up his tea. “You know, you used to laugh a lot when we were kids. Larry kept making up all these stupid jokes and it was so funny.”
Miles looked down at his cup. “I remember.”
“I miss that,” Phoenix commented. He unconsciously took a sip of tea and nearly gagged at the taste.
Miles chuckled. “You don’t have to force yourself to drink it. I won’t think any less of you.”
“Yeah, you know what? I think I’ll stick to coffee,” Phoenix stated, placing his cup back down on the table. “You can have the whole box.”
“I think it’ll get stale before I have time to drink even half of it.”
Phoenix shrugged. “Come over more often, then.”
Miles seemed to ponder for a moment, before saying, “I don’t usually drink cheap tea but I’d feel bad letting it go to waste, considering you probably spent half of your paycheck on it.”
“Hey!” Phoenix protested, failing to sound offended. “Is that the thanks I get for thinking of you?”
Miles merely smirked and turned to the TV.
Jerk.
Phoenix shook his head and decided not to retaliate. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and turned his attention to the movie. Silk Spectre and Nite Owl were walking out of a diner.
I should rewatch the whole movie sometime. I haven’t seen it in ages…
He looked at Miles.
I wonder if he ever watches anything besides the Steel Samurai.
Maybe he likes other superhero movies?
I don’t think he’s ever seen this one, though…
“Interesting,” Miles commented suddenly.
Phoenix glanced at the TV but failed to see what Miles was referring to. “What is?”
“Rorschach.”
“Oh. Yeah, he’s pretty badass.”
Miles turned to him. “No, I meant that he’s named after the inkblot test.”
“Well, yeah…” Phoenix replied, not sure what was so interesting about that fact. “That’s why he wears that mask.”
Miles nodded absently before putting his cup down on the table and turning back to the TV.
Wow, he’s actually interested in the movie?
…Well, I guess the inkblot test is kind of work-related.
Phoenix studied Miles’ face for a moment and smiled to himself.
He looks like a completely different person.
I guess he’s finally comfortable enough around me to let his guard down?
He’s really come a long way…
If someone had told me two years ago that I’d be spending time with Edgeworth like this, I wouldn’t have believed them.
I mean, I was hoping we could be friends again, but I never imagined we could be this close. Not with the way he was.
Phoenix took his feet off the table and shifted a bit in his seat. He turned his attention back to the movie and watched for a while, but his eyes kept darting back to Miles. Seeing him so relaxed was kind of strange - in a good way.
And to think this would have been so awkward just a few weeks ago…
Yawning, he grabbed a cushion from the couch and started fiddling with it.
How am I tired? It’s only seven something.
I guess that was a lot of walking for one day.
That thought suddenly gave Phoenix the urge to stretch his limbs, but as he did so, he felt his left hand brush against something. He looked over, only to realise that he had accidentally touched Miles’ back, and that Miles was now staring at him with a strange expression on his face.
Phoenix felt his cheeks flush slightly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Great. So much for this not being awkward.
Miles shook his head. “It’s fine.” His eyes moved around the room for a few seconds, before focusing back on Phoenix. “Look, I--”
The song that was playing in the background suddenly got louder as a choir started singing ‘Hallelujah’.
Phoenix looked at the TV.
Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
The most awkward sex scene in the history of all movies had chosen this moment to start playing. Unable to look at Miles, Phoenix watched the scene until Silk Spectre hit the fire button, causing the Owlship to shoot a burst of flames.
I think this thing gets worse every time I watch it…
After the scene was over, Phoenix risked a glance in Miles’ direction and noticed that he was looking at him. He quickly turned away and cleared his throat. “Sorry… that was weird.” He waited a few seconds, then turned to Miles again. “I keep forgetting about that scene.”
Miles gave him an odd look, his eyes flickering downwards.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow, then looked down, only to realise that the cushion was on his lap, making it look like he was trying to hide something. “Oh! It’s not…” He picked up the cushion and threw it back on the couch next to him. “I wasn’t…” Realising that words were failing him, he tried to gesture something, before dropping his hands and sighing resignedly.
Miles frowned. “What was that about?”
Phoenix blinked. “I thought you…” He trailed off as he realised that Miles looked genuinely confused. “Never mind…”
I swear I have a talent for making myself look like an idiot.
“Listen,” Miles said, a serious tone to his voice. “I’m not sure how to say this, but… It’s been two weeks since this all started, and I--”
“Oh!” Phoenix exclaimed, before noticing the frown on Miles’ face. He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off. I just remembered we’re supposed to plan that breakup for next week. Totally forgot about that.” He chuckled. “Anyways… What were you saying?”
Miles stared at him for a few seconds. “I-I was…” He stared a bit more then suddenly got up. “Sorry, I… I just remembered… there’s something… something I have to do.” He stepped around the coffee table and started walking towards the door.
“W-wait!” Phoenix called out, getting up from his seat. “Where are you going?”
Miles reached the door and opened it, then paused. “I’ll see you later,” he said weakly, before disappearing behind the door.
Phoenix stood there for a moment, dumbfounded.
Well, that was sudden.
Did he just remember something about the case he’s working on?
He shook his head and sat back down.
I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.
As he turned to look at the TV, a knock was heard at the door.
Or right now.
Smiling, he got up again and went to open the door. “Why’d you leave so sudd--”
“Surprise!”
Phoenix blinked. In front of him stood a beaming Maya.
“Hi, Mr. Nick!”
And an equally cheerful Pearl.
What’s going on?
“Hey…” Phoenix said uncertainly. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Pearly just got here from Kurain,” Maya replied. “I told you she was coming to visit, remember?”
Phoenix frowned. “Uh… yeah… I remember.”
I think…
He poked his head in the doorway and looked down the hall, half hoping to see Edgeworth there, but wasn’t exactly surprised when he saw no one.
Of course he’s not there. Why did I even check?
“Something wrong?” Maya asked.
Phoenix looked at her. “N-no… nothing’s wrong. It’s just…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”
Maya raised an eyebrow. “Whatever you say.” There was a pause. “Can we come in?”
“Oh! Yeah, sorry…” Phoenix quickly moved aside to let the girls in.
Maya walked past him, then turned around and gave him an accusatory look. “You know, I thought you’d be happier to see us, considering Pearly hasn’t visited sin--”
“I am happy to see you,” Phoenix protested, closing the door behind him. “I’m just a bit tired, is all.”
“It’s not even eight,” Maya said incredulously.
“Yeah, well… I’ve had a long day.”
“On a Sunday?”
What is this? An interrogation?
“Yes…” Phoenix replied cautiously.
“So what did you do all day?” Maya asked, walking over to the couch.
“Stuff people normally do on Sundays,” Phoenix said, trying to sound convincing. “Grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry. You know, boring stuff.”
“That’s not very tiring,” Maya commented, sitting down next to Pearl. “But I guess that’s what happens when you get old.”
Phoenix rolled his eyes.
I’m not even going to bother…
“You guys want anything to drink?” he asked, seeing an opportunity to change the subject.
Maya looked at Pearl, then back at Phoenix. “Do you have hot chocolate?”
“Uh… yes, I do, actually.” Phoenix nodded to himself. “I’ll be right back.”
He made his way into the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief.
Why do I feel so weird? It’s just Maya and Pearls.
Shaking his head, he picked up the kettle and gave it a small shake. There was more than enough water left for two drinks, so he put it back down and flicked the switch. He leaned on the counter and looked out the window. The sun was starting to go down.
It’s nothing to do with them; it was just really bad timing.
Edgeworth left so suddenly, and then…
He frowned.
What was so urgent that he needed to leave so fast?
“Here!”
Phoenix jumped at the voice and quickly turned around.
Maya was standing next to him, holding two cups in her hands. “I guess you forgot to clean the coffee table.”
“Oh… thanks,” Phoenix said, gesturing towards the sink. “Those have been sitting there for ages.”
“I guess that explains why they’re still warm,” Maya replied with a smirk.
…Damn you and your detective skills.
“I… well…”
“Look, Nick, there’s no point in even trying to hide it anymore,” Maya stated, putting the cups down in the sink. “So, what’s her name?”
Phoenix sighed. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Maya.”
Maya scowled and put her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe you’re still denying it! Why would you drink two cups of tea at the same time?”
Think, Phoenix. Think.
“I… left the tea bag in for too long and had to make another one.”
Nailed it.
Maya raised an eyebrow. “Right. Since when do you even drink tea?”
Phoenix shrugged. “I guess Edgeworth is rubbing off on me.”
Why didn’t I just tell her that Edgeworth was here? It’s not like she’d find it suspicious; Larry comes over all the time.
Oh well. Too late now.
“Speaking of Mr. Edgeworth,” Maya said, a smile suddenly appearing on her face, “that was really nice of him to buy me food last night.”
“Yeah… It was.”
My wallet was especially thankful.
Maya clapped her hands together. “Can you order a pizza?”
Phoenix blinked. “What? Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’? I’m starving!”
Phoenix sighed.
Thanks a lot, Edgeworth. Now Maya has an excuse to get inside my wallet.
Thanks to llamaramauk for being an awesome beta!
Title: Of Fake Fairytales and Faux Amour
Authors: Lyrical Rawr & Shiva
Pairing: Fake!? Phoenix/Edgeworth
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor/Romance
Warnings: Swearing, possible SPOILERS for GS1 and 2
Status: Complete
Word count (Ch.14): 11,623
Summary: Miles desperately needs a way to get rid of an unwanted admirer, and what better way is there than to pretend to date his very male, straight best friend and rival? It sounded so foolproof in his head...
Chapter 1 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 21
Chapter 2 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 17
Chapter 3 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 18
Chapter 4 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 19
Chapter 5 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 20
*** WARNING!!! This is Part TWO of Chapter 14!!! ***
Click here for Part One!
It didn’t take them very long to get to the Criminal Affairs Department with Miles leading the way. When they entered, Phoenix found the smiles aimed in their direction quite nice, though he figured they were probably due to Edgeworth’s presence and not to his own popularity increasing.
Gumshoe was sitting at his usual desk on the other side of the room. He turned around to wave them over. “Hey, sir!”
“Good afternoon, Detec--” Miles cut himself off, his facial expression turning sour. “What is that horrendous smell?”
Phoenix took a deep breath through his nose and almost gagged, resorting to pinching his nose. “Ugh! That’s foul!”
The happy expression on Gumshoe’s face fell. “Oh, yeah… That would be me.”
Glancing around the surrounding desks, Phoenix noticed that most of the detectives had moved away, and that some had clothespins on their noses.
“Has your landlord cut off your water supply again?” Miles asked, somehow retaining his composure without holding a hand to his nose - though his eyes did seem a bit twitchy.
“No, sir. In fact, I’ve had all my utility bills up to date for the last three months!” Gumshoe demonstrated a flash of undeserved pride at this, before his expression turned gloomy again. “It’s actually because I’ve been at the landfill site all morning - specifically in the landfill, sir.”
“In the landfill!?” Phoenix exclaimed.
Is this some kind of new detective hobby I don’t know about?
“Well, pal, the casino had its trash taken away just after the murder and the actual container they used for the casino was impossible to find.” Gumshoe punched a fist into his other hand. “But that wasn’t going to stop me! No, sirree! I went to the site and rummaged through every garbage truck from the area and found the crucial evidence!”
I’ve got to hand it to him; he makes trash can diving sound a lot more noble than I ever thought possible.
“Indeed,” Miles commented dryly, probably still struggling with the stench surrounding them. “I’m eager to see the results of your labour. Please play the footage.”
“Yes, sir!” Gumshoe boomed, turning around to pick up a small disc. “As you can see, sir, this is a top-notch, high-definition disc! Anything on this baby is gonna be conclusive!” He smiled broadly and went to slot the disc into his desktop, before stopping himself. “Wait…” He turned around in his chair and pointed at Phoenix. “Why are you here, pal? You spying on the opposition? Trying to scam our evidence?”
“Wha--no! N-no, of course not!” Phoenix stammered, holding out his hands in defence.
Gumshoe narrowed his eyes. “That sure sounded suspicious to me, pal.”
“Don’t worry, Detective, he’s here with me,” Miles intervened. “The defendant is not his client.”
Wondering how he’d managed to get scared by Gumshoe, of all people, Phoenix felt his heartbeat go back down to a normal level. “Yeah, I don’t even know what’s going on!”
“Alright, sir, if you say so. I can always get security on him if he’s bothering you.”
Geez, why does he always think I’m up to no good?
“I’ll bear that in mind, Detective.”
Gumshoe popped the disc in the computer and the footage started automatically. The picture seemed to be from a casino security camera which rotated slowly between two different positions. On the right side, Phoenix could make out a few rows of slot machines, and when it switched over to the left, there was a floor of poker tables. Gumshoe sped up the footage so it was running at 4x speed. After a moment, the camera suddenly stopped rotating, focusing on just the poker tables.
Miles reached over and fast-forwarded the footage even more, but the camera didn’t budge. “What is going on here? We’ve lost the crime scene!”
Gumshoe scratched his cheek, a solemn look on his face. “It looks like the security camera jammed, sir.”
Massaging his temple, Miles glared down at the computer screen. “I should have known this wouldn’t be the end of it…” He sighed. “We shall have to make do with what we have.”
The disc continued to play at high speed for another ten minutes or so, until Miles suddenly reached over to pause the footage, making Phoenix jump in the process. “There!” He straightened back up and crossed his arms. “So that’s how she did it…”
Phoenix stared at the screen for a moment. “I don’t see it,” he said, scanning the picture for any signs of a dead body.
“Neither do I, sir,” Gumshoe concurred. “I’m pretty sure he was killed next to the slot machines.”
“Do keep up. We have already established that we don’t have the footage of the murder. But we can spot any difference in the periphery.” Miles pointed at the lone security guard standing next to the closest poker table. “This guard looks like she’s been here the whole time. However, if I rewind slightly…” He shifted back a minute or so. “Can you see it?”
Phoenix scrutinised the picture. Gumshoe was right; the video quality was pretty good. Not quite good enough to make out the guard’s face, but something about her seemed different…
“There’s two different guards!” Phoenix exclaimed. “The other one was wearing gloves.”
“Correct.”
Phoenix grabbed the mouse and fast-forwarded to where Miles had first paused the footage. “And this new one has a file in her pocket as well.” He got closer to the screen to read the top line of the document. “‘HDCriminals’. Huh.”
Gumshoe suddenly looked thoughtful. “That sounds familiar, pal.”
“Detective, I need a request for a search warrant as soon as possible!” Miles stated, obviously still two steps ahead of both Phoenix and Gumshoe.
I can’t believe I’m basically on the same wavelength as Gumshoe. God help me.
“I’ll get one drawn up straight away, sir!” Gumshoe almost shouted, the excitement of having a lead seeming to kick-start him. “I can also drop it off at the Courthouse for you as soon as it’s printed.”
Miles wrinkled his nose slightly. “I strongly advise you take your lunch hour to head home for a shower and a change of clothes. Don’t worry, I’ll drop off the warrant request and have it approved. We can meet at HDCriminals when I have it.”
Gumshoe gave him a sheepish look. “Y-yes, sir.” He turned his attention back to the computer and started preparing the warrant request.
“So, err, I’m guessing this means something, then?” Phoenix asked, feeling like he’d fallen behind Gumshoe at this moment and not liking it.
“HDCriminals is the company owned by the defendant,” Miles replied, turning to face Phoenix. “I apologise again, Wright. It appears this is going to take a bit longer to investigate. You don’t have to hang around if you don’t want to.”
Phoenix smiled. “Like I said, don’t worry. You’re giving me a better reason to dodge my chores than I could ever think up.”
Miles regarded him scrutinisingly, before finally accepting his choice with a nod.
Once Gumshoe’s document had printed, the three of them left and Miles and Phoenix headed straight to the Courthouse for the warrant.
---
Acquiring the warrant from the Judge was a lot faster than Phoenix thought it would be. In fact, he was quite impressed by how Edgeworth’s mere presence seemed to speed up the process. He had hardly said anything in order to get the warrant approved and, before Phoenix could blink more than a couple of times, everything was ready for them to head over to HDCriminals.
After retrieving Miles’ car from the café, they made their way to the building in question and waited for Gumshoe and the officers in the lobby. When they arrived, they asked the receptionist for directions, and it turned out that the floor they needed was ten stories up. Phoenix didn’t let Miles convince him to take the elevator with Gumshoe, but deeply regretted his decision after what felt like hundreds of steps.
“I wish they’d label these floors,” Phoenix grumbled as they walked up, slightly out of breath.
“They do,” Miles replied. Phoenix suspected he deliberately kept his response brief so as not to show that he was out of breath as well. “That door was fourth.”
“Fourth!? I could have sworn we were near the friggin’ top by now!”
Miles rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
Phoenix smirked. “But it might get to the point where ‘we cannot hold mortality’s strong hand’!”
Miles frowned, before it seemed to click. “Very witty, Wright.”
Come on, it was a bit more than just witty… I bet he hasn’t even seen a performance of King John.
“I think I’m going to pass out.”
“I didn’t ask you to come with me,” Miles said sternly.
Phoenix looked up as they reached the top of the steps and noticed that they were only halfway to the fifth floor. “Okay, I’m definitely going to die.”
“Well, that escalated quickly,” Miles muttered in response.
They finally reached the tenth floor, both obviously struggling to breathe no matter how much Miles tried to hide it, and made a beeline for the CEO’s office to meet with Gumshoe.
The room was moderately sized; bigger than Phoenix’s office, but probably smaller than Edgeworth’s. There were a few bookshelves along the walls, and a large wooden cabinet that looked slightly out of place. Some of the shelves had statues on them, and a small Hindu tapestry was hanging on the back wall. There was an especially ornate statue of Shiva with the deity’s many arms coated in white gold and blue gems, but Phoenix couldn’t name the rest of them, which made him feel slightly uncultured. The majority of the books appeared to be on engineering, and a diploma for some degree in electronics hung on the wall.
Gumshoe and the two officers had busied themselves with the bookshelves, checking every book and ornament. Not wasting any time, Miles walked over to the cabinet and inspected every corner, before opening the doors and looking through the contents.
“What are you looking for?” Phoenix asked.
“Something incriminating,” Miles replied dryly.
I guess that was a stupid question…
“Hey, pal,” Gumshoe called, grabbing Phoenix’s attention. He pointed a finger at him, a fierce look on his face. “Don’t you go rearranging anything or messing with important evidence! Your client is guilty as charged this time, pal!”
How many times…!?
“I don’t have a client!” Phoenix repeated. “I’m just an innocent, clientless defence attorney!”
Yelling out his profession might not have been the smartest thing to do as it seemed to earn him some evil looks from the police officers helping Gumshoe.
Oops…
“Whatever, pal! Just don’t touch anything! I’m watching you.”
“Alright, geez…”
Sighing, Phoenix leaned against the desk and decided to keep his mouth shut to avoid further embarrassment. After a while, he shifted slightly and felt something pressed against the back of his lower thigh. He looked down and noticed a small section of wood sticking out from the edge of the desk. As he pressed against it with a bit more force, the edge receded back into line with the desk. Turning around, he picked at the area with his nails, which revealed a very thin concealed drawer just below the surface. Inside it was a single photo of a man with his arm around a woman as they sat on a beach towel near the ocean. Phoenix picked up the photo and took a look at the back. There was a sequence of numbers and letters that resembled some sort of code.
“Hey, Edgeworth,” Phoenix called out, inspecting the writing. “I found something hidden. Hidden normally means incriminating, right?”
Miles came to stand next to him, a small bottle in his hand. “They don’t always have to be hidden.” He presented the bottle to Phoenix, who looked at it dumbly.
“Ipecac syrup? That sounds like it would be tasty on pancakes.”
“It’s an emetic,” Miles informed him. “Trust me, you don’t want it on your pancakes.”
As if it wasn’t already obvious enough that I have no clue what’s happening…
Phoenix handed over his find, indicating the concealed drawer he had obtained it from.
“It’s already been made clear that these two were involved in the past,” Miles said, sounding a little disappointed.
“There’s also some nonsense written on the back, if that helps.”
Miles flipped the picture over and scowled. “Ah, yes, I can always trust you to provide me with a load of nonsense, Wright.”
And I can always trust you to be a complete jerk, Edgeworth.
“Hey, watch that statue!” Gumshoe boomed, making both Phoenix and Miles turn to witness one of the policemen propping the Shiva statue back on the shelf from where it had toppled slightly. “One wrong move and the criminal could get away with everything!” He threw his arms out to emphasize his statement and knocked another statue off a shelf near him. “Yeah, I… meant to do that.”
Miles strode over to where Gumshoe was standing, having apparently noticed something where the statue had been. He pulled out a piece of paper and frowned. “It’s the company’s credit report. They’ve lost a fair amount of money recently.”
The investigation went on for a while longer. Phoenix felt slightly out of place, sitting around and not really doing much.
Well, it’s my own fault. I should have known this would take a while.
After searching just about everywhere in the office, Miles turned on the computer. Looking through the defendant’s emails, he found some messages between her and the victim. They seemed fairly benign, but Miles still ordered for them to be copied, showing that even prosecutors clung to tiny bits of potential evidence.
Gumshoe’s team finally packed up their equipment and were ready to go by around six o’clock. After they left, Miles took one last look around, probably to make sure nothing had been overlooked, before walking back over to Phoenix.
“I believe I should apologise for spending the rest of the afternoon investigating,” Miles said, checking his watch.
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s cool?” Phoenix replied, following Miles out of the office. “Besides, it’s not like we wasted the whole day.”
Miles raised an eyebrow. “What are you insinuating?”
“Well, I don’t have any plans now, and I know you’re done with your investigation till court, so…” Phoenix shrugged.
“I would have thought you’d be bored of me by now, Wright.”
“Normally, I would be, of course,” Phoenix agreed with a cheeky grin, “but I haven’t exactly been talking to you for the last couple of hours.”
Miles seemed to ponder for a few seconds. “…I suppose I could put up with you for a bit longer. Where do you propose we go?”
“You could come over to my place for coffee,” Phoenix suggested as they started walking down the stairs. “Actually, I have tea. I saw it last time I went grocery shopping and thought of you.” He smiled. “And you’ll be heading there to drop me off, anyway.”
Miles nodded slowly. “Well, it looks as though you’ll get the chance to show me some of your relaxation techniques, after all.”
Phoenix blinked a few times, before bursting into fits of laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Miles asked, a confused look on his face.
Did he not just hear himself!?
“You… That sounded so wrong, Edgeworth! I mean… ‘relaxation techniques’?” He bit his lip to stop himself from laughing again.
“Don’t make me change my mind,” Miles said, turning away, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment.
Glad he wasn’t the one looking stupid for once, Phoenix simply grinned in response.
---
Phoenix kicked off his shoes as he entered the apartment and walked over to the coffee table. Picking up the remote, he turned the TV on and recognised the character on the screen as Doctor Manhattan.
“Oh, look, Watchmen is on.” Phoenix looked over at Miles, who was standing near the door. “Come sit. You can watch TV while I make the tea.”
Miles glanced at the TV, then gave Phoenix a blank look.
“Right, that’s not your kind of movie, is it?” Phoenix said, remembering it was Edgeworth he was talking to. “You can change it if you want.”
Miles shook his head. “It’s fine.” He made his way to the couch and sat down, before looking up at Phoenix. “Can’t be worse than what we had to sit through yesterday.”
“Oh God, don’t remind me. I don’t think anything could ever compete with that.” Phoenix smirked. “Well… except maybe that stupid Samurai show you’re so obsessed with.”
Miles sent him a disapproving look. “It’s not--” He cut himself off, his eyes widening as he seemed to realise what he’d come this close to admitting. “I’m not obsessed with it,” he amended, trying to cover his slip of the tongue.
Phoenix burst out laughing.
“It’s not funny,” Miles muttered, crossing his arms.
“Oh man,” Phoenix said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “You should have seen your face.”
Miles’ gaze turned into a glare.
“Aww, come on.” Phoenix sat down next to Miles and smiled. “Look, there’s no point in hiding it. I won’t make fun of you.”
“You just did.”
“I was laughing at how stupid you’re being about it, not at the fact that you’re the biggest Steel Samur--”
“You’re doing it again!” Miles interrupted, failing to hide the amusement in his voice.
Phoenix chuckled. “Only because you’re so fun to annoy. But like I said, there’s no need to hide it; it’s just me.”
Miles narrowed his eyes, then seemed to hesitate before answering, “I suppose.”
“Hey, we could go see that movie on Friday if you want,” Phoenix suggested, remembering the poster from last night. “I’ll probably hate it, but I don’t mind going with you.”
“…The movie?” Miles studied his face for a moment. “You’re serious.”
“Well, I did say we had to go see a movie not chosen by Kath.”
“Yes, but I didn’t realise that you meant…” Miles shook his head. “Never mind.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “So, you wanna go?”
“I’ll have to see how much paperwork I get this week,” Miles replied. “I’ll let you know.”
“Alright.” Phoenix glanced at the TV, then down at the remote in his hand. “Here,” he said, offering it to Miles. “I’ll go make the tea.”
Miles took the remote and Phoenix got up from the couch. He made his way into the kitchen and picked up the kettle. After spilling the old water in the sink, he rinsed it and filled it up, before putting it back on its base and flicking the switch.
He grabbed two cups from the cupboard and placed them down on the counter, then walked over to the pantry to get the box of tea. Opening the box, he took out two tea bags and put them in the cups, then waited for the water to finish boiling. When the switch finally clicked, he quickly poured the water and made his way back to the living room.
“You like yours black, right?” Phoenix asked, putting the cups down on the coffee table.
Miles nodded, then looked down at the cups. “No coasters?”
Phoenix shrugged and sat down. “It’s okay, it’s an old table.”
“If you say so,” Miles said, picking up his cup. He looked at the tea for a few seconds, then pulled the tea bag halfway out. “Where do I put this?”
“Oh!” Phoenix looked at the coffee table and noticed a bowl he’d forgotten to pick up the other night. “Here,” he said, grabbing it and holding it in front of Miles.
Miles raised an eyebrow, but still proceeded to put the tea bag in it.
Phoenix did the same for his, then put the bowl back on the table. “Sorry about that. I’m so used to making coffee.”
“Coffee is bad for you,” Miles commented with a smirk.
Phoenix smiled. “Yeah, well, it keeps me awake.” He picked up his cup and took a sip, before grimacing at the bitterness. “And it tastes better.”
Miles snorted. “You’re just not used to the taste. Why are you drinking it black?”
“I dunno. I figured I’d take it the same way you do.”
“I see…” Miles said, before taking a drink. He then glanced at the TV and seemed to do a double take.
Phoenix turned to see what had caused Miles’ reaction and saw Doctor Manhattan floating in the air, naked.
Oh God.
Phoenix burst out laughing.
Miles rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re laughing becau--”
“Because of the giant blue dick?” Phoenix cut in through chuckles. “Yes.”
Miles gave him a patronising look but was unable to stop a smile from forming on his lips. “Why do you always have to be so immature?”
Phoenix snorted. “Why do you always have to be so mature?”
“Because, unlike you, I know how to act my age.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You’re twenty-five, not fifty.”
“And you’re acting like a five-year-old.”
“Psh… you just don’t have any sense of humour.”
Miles frowned. “That’s not true.”
Phoenix gave him an unimpressed look. “Oh yeah? What do you find funny, then?”
“A lot of things,” Miles replied dryly, turning to the TV.
Nice try, Edgeworth.
“Like what?”
Miles sighed. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
Miles took a sip of his tea and turned back to him. “I can’t think of anything right now, but it’s not as if nothing ever amuses me.”
Phoenix smiled. “I bet I can make you laugh.” He put his cup down on the coffee table and twisted sideways on the couch, folding his left leg under him.
“Should I be scared?” Miles asked, a sceptical look on his face.
“When ducks fly,” Phoenix began in a serious voice, “why is one side of the ‘V’ longer than the other?”
“I don’t think one side is always longer than the other, Wright,” Miles criticised.
“Well, for the sake of the joke, let’s say it is.”
“I don’t know, then.”
Phoenix grinned. “‘Cause it has more ducks.”
Miles rolled his eyes. “I should have seen that coming.”
“Oh, come on! It was funny!” Phoenix said, nudging Miles on the arm.
Miles glanced down at Phoenix’s hand, then back up at him. “Not really.”
“Okay, I have a better one.” Phoenix snickered. “What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?”
“I don’t know,” Miles replied in a bored voice.
“Any kind,” Phoenix stated. “Buildings can’t jump!”
Miles blinked, then his expression changed to one Phoenix had never seen before - or, at least, never to that extent. He quickly turned away, but not before Phoenix had time to notice the wide smile on his face.
“Aha! You’re laughing!”
When Miles didn’t respond, Phoenix scooted closer to him and leaned forward to try and look at his face.
Miles suddenly turned to him, startled. “What are you doing?”
Oops… I guess I invaded his personal space.
“Just proving that I’m right,” Phoenix replied, sitting back straight.
Miles stared at him for a moment, then smirked. “Actually, you just proved that I have a sense of humour.”
…Damn it!
“So my joke was funny?” Phoenix asked, sounding a bit too proud of himself.
“It was… clever.”
Phoenix smiled and picked up his tea. “You know, you used to laugh a lot when we were kids. Larry kept making up all these stupid jokes and it was so funny.”
Miles looked down at his cup. “I remember.”
“I miss that,” Phoenix commented. He unconsciously took a sip of tea and nearly gagged at the taste.
Miles chuckled. “You don’t have to force yourself to drink it. I won’t think any less of you.”
“Yeah, you know what? I think I’ll stick to coffee,” Phoenix stated, placing his cup back down on the table. “You can have the whole box.”
“I think it’ll get stale before I have time to drink even half of it.”
Phoenix shrugged. “Come over more often, then.”
Miles seemed to ponder for a moment, before saying, “I don’t usually drink cheap tea but I’d feel bad letting it go to waste, considering you probably spent half of your paycheck on it.”
“Hey!” Phoenix protested, failing to sound offended. “Is that the thanks I get for thinking of you?”
Miles merely smirked and turned to the TV.
Jerk.
Phoenix shook his head and decided not to retaliate. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and turned his attention to the movie. Silk Spectre and Nite Owl were walking out of a diner.
I should rewatch the whole movie sometime. I haven’t seen it in ages…
He looked at Miles.
I wonder if he ever watches anything besides the Steel Samurai.
Maybe he likes other superhero movies?
I don’t think he’s ever seen this one, though…
“Interesting,” Miles commented suddenly.
Phoenix glanced at the TV but failed to see what Miles was referring to. “What is?”
“Rorschach.”
“Oh. Yeah, he’s pretty badass.”
Miles turned to him. “No, I meant that he’s named after the inkblot test.”
“Well, yeah…” Phoenix replied, not sure what was so interesting about that fact. “That’s why he wears that mask.”
Miles nodded absently before putting his cup down on the table and turning back to the TV.
Wow, he’s actually interested in the movie?
…Well, I guess the inkblot test is kind of work-related.
Phoenix studied Miles’ face for a moment and smiled to himself.
He looks like a completely different person.
I guess he’s finally comfortable enough around me to let his guard down?
He’s really come a long way…
If someone had told me two years ago that I’d be spending time with Edgeworth like this, I wouldn’t have believed them.
I mean, I was hoping we could be friends again, but I never imagined we could be this close. Not with the way he was.
Phoenix took his feet off the table and shifted a bit in his seat. He turned his attention back to the movie and watched for a while, but his eyes kept darting back to Miles. Seeing him so relaxed was kind of strange - in a good way.
And to think this would have been so awkward just a few weeks ago…
Yawning, he grabbed a cushion from the couch and started fiddling with it.
How am I tired? It’s only seven something.
I guess that was a lot of walking for one day.
That thought suddenly gave Phoenix the urge to stretch his limbs, but as he did so, he felt his left hand brush against something. He looked over, only to realise that he had accidentally touched Miles’ back, and that Miles was now staring at him with a strange expression on his face.
Phoenix felt his cheeks flush slightly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Great. So much for this not being awkward.
Miles shook his head. “It’s fine.” His eyes moved around the room for a few seconds, before focusing back on Phoenix. “Look, I--”
The song that was playing in the background suddenly got louder as a choir started singing ‘Hallelujah’.
Phoenix looked at the TV.
Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
The most awkward sex scene in the history of all movies had chosen this moment to start playing. Unable to look at Miles, Phoenix watched the scene until Silk Spectre hit the fire button, causing the Owlship to shoot a burst of flames.
I think this thing gets worse every time I watch it…
After the scene was over, Phoenix risked a glance in Miles’ direction and noticed that he was looking at him. He quickly turned away and cleared his throat. “Sorry… that was weird.” He waited a few seconds, then turned to Miles again. “I keep forgetting about that scene.”
Miles gave him an odd look, his eyes flickering downwards.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow, then looked down, only to realise that the cushion was on his lap, making it look like he was trying to hide something. “Oh! It’s not…” He picked up the cushion and threw it back on the couch next to him. “I wasn’t…” Realising that words were failing him, he tried to gesture something, before dropping his hands and sighing resignedly.
Miles frowned. “What was that about?”
Phoenix blinked. “I thought you…” He trailed off as he realised that Miles looked genuinely confused. “Never mind…”
I swear I have a talent for making myself look like an idiot.
“Listen,” Miles said, a serious tone to his voice. “I’m not sure how to say this, but… It’s been two weeks since this all started, and I--”
“Oh!” Phoenix exclaimed, before noticing the frown on Miles’ face. He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off. I just remembered we’re supposed to plan that breakup for next week. Totally forgot about that.” He chuckled. “Anyways… What were you saying?”
Miles stared at him for a few seconds. “I-I was…” He stared a bit more then suddenly got up. “Sorry, I… I just remembered… there’s something… something I have to do.” He stepped around the coffee table and started walking towards the door.
“W-wait!” Phoenix called out, getting up from his seat. “Where are you going?”
Miles reached the door and opened it, then paused. “I’ll see you later,” he said weakly, before disappearing behind the door.
Phoenix stood there for a moment, dumbfounded.
Well, that was sudden.
Did he just remember something about the case he’s working on?
He shook his head and sat back down.
I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.
As he turned to look at the TV, a knock was heard at the door.
Or right now.
Smiling, he got up again and went to open the door. “Why’d you leave so sudd--”
“Surprise!”
Phoenix blinked. In front of him stood a beaming Maya.
“Hi, Mr. Nick!”
And an equally cheerful Pearl.
What’s going on?
“Hey…” Phoenix said uncertainly. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Pearly just got here from Kurain,” Maya replied. “I told you she was coming to visit, remember?”
Phoenix frowned. “Uh… yeah… I remember.”
I think…
He poked his head in the doorway and looked down the hall, half hoping to see Edgeworth there, but wasn’t exactly surprised when he saw no one.
Of course he’s not there. Why did I even check?
“Something wrong?” Maya asked.
Phoenix looked at her. “N-no… nothing’s wrong. It’s just…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”
Maya raised an eyebrow. “Whatever you say.” There was a pause. “Can we come in?”
“Oh! Yeah, sorry…” Phoenix quickly moved aside to let the girls in.
Maya walked past him, then turned around and gave him an accusatory look. “You know, I thought you’d be happier to see us, considering Pearly hasn’t visited sin--”
“I am happy to see you,” Phoenix protested, closing the door behind him. “I’m just a bit tired, is all.”
“It’s not even eight,” Maya said incredulously.
“Yeah, well… I’ve had a long day.”
“On a Sunday?”
What is this? An interrogation?
“Yes…” Phoenix replied cautiously.
“So what did you do all day?” Maya asked, walking over to the couch.
“Stuff people normally do on Sundays,” Phoenix said, trying to sound convincing. “Grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry. You know, boring stuff.”
“That’s not very tiring,” Maya commented, sitting down next to Pearl. “But I guess that’s what happens when you get old.”
Phoenix rolled his eyes.
I’m not even going to bother…
“You guys want anything to drink?” he asked, seeing an opportunity to change the subject.
Maya looked at Pearl, then back at Phoenix. “Do you have hot chocolate?”
“Uh… yes, I do, actually.” Phoenix nodded to himself. “I’ll be right back.”
He made his way into the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief.
Why do I feel so weird? It’s just Maya and Pearls.
Shaking his head, he picked up the kettle and gave it a small shake. There was more than enough water left for two drinks, so he put it back down and flicked the switch. He leaned on the counter and looked out the window. The sun was starting to go down.
It’s nothing to do with them; it was just really bad timing.
Edgeworth left so suddenly, and then…
He frowned.
What was so urgent that he needed to leave so fast?
“Here!”
Phoenix jumped at the voice and quickly turned around.
Maya was standing next to him, holding two cups in her hands. “I guess you forgot to clean the coffee table.”
“Oh… thanks,” Phoenix said, gesturing towards the sink. “Those have been sitting there for ages.”
“I guess that explains why they’re still warm,” Maya replied with a smirk.
…Damn you and your detective skills.
“I… well…”
“Look, Nick, there’s no point in even trying to hide it anymore,” Maya stated, putting the cups down in the sink. “So, what’s her name?”
Phoenix sighed. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Maya.”
Maya scowled and put her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe you’re still denying it! Why would you drink two cups of tea at the same time?”
Think, Phoenix. Think.
“I… left the tea bag in for too long and had to make another one.”
Nailed it.
Maya raised an eyebrow. “Right. Since when do you even drink tea?”
Phoenix shrugged. “I guess Edgeworth is rubbing off on me.”
Why didn’t I just tell her that Edgeworth was here? It’s not like she’d find it suspicious; Larry comes over all the time.
Oh well. Too late now.
“Speaking of Mr. Edgeworth,” Maya said, a smile suddenly appearing on her face, “that was really nice of him to buy me food last night.”
“Yeah… It was.”
My wallet was especially thankful.
Maya clapped her hands together. “Can you order a pizza?”
Phoenix blinked. “What? Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’? I’m starving!”
Phoenix sighed.
Thanks a lot, Edgeworth. Now Maya has an excuse to get inside my wallet.