Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde...
"I meant everything I said in the letter I wrote you. I really am sorry, I hope you know that."
- Player 456
Soooooooo…
Player 465 is officially Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I swear. Last night he called all apologetic for how he not only how he treated me, but all his behaviors since he was an addict (Especially during this break up) and I swear, I was looking at my phone like: ???
I forgave cuz I'm not exactly committed to a vacation home in the past, but bruh. If you continue to repeat the same steps that you're always apologizing for, are you truly sorry? 🤔🤔🤔 Asking for a friend cuz I also noticed that after said apology…
*** He alluded to me having somebody by saying he hasn't been over here to visit the kids cuz he didn't wanna end up in no drama (To which I pointed out if I did, I would have every right as a single woman cuz what drama?… I also pointed out that even tho' I wasn't given the same grace, I wouldn't put him in the gross position that I've been placed in time and time again. Which is true. Even when I was full of shit, I did my best to keep my real life separate from my home life. The focus wasn't on hurting anyone. The focus was on living my life cuz he was living his. He was fine leaving me at home with the kids while he was living his best life. Instead of continuing to shed tears to a person who obviously didn't care, I decided to change my lot in life. It wasn't the right call and I understand that now, but past me didn't have the mind that I have now. Instead of turning my life into a game of Chess, I should've left and I hafta live with the fact that I didn't. Do I feel bad? Nope. Do I understand there was a better choice? Yup)
*** He brought up how hurt he was about me not putting up the house to get him out (To which I told him if he can tell me where I'm accountable in that situation, I'll apologize right now. When he couldn't, I added that he was there when I told the kids that I would no longer be putting myself on the line for jail shit. He was like: "Yeah, I thought that was for them tho'. I didn't think you wouldn't have my back." Wait, what? Bruh 😭😭😭 To which I pointed out that I had nothing to go on that he wouldn't allow me to lose my home. He said "Sometimes you hafta have a little faith in people." To which I pointed out that I did have faith in him and he did me wrong and he knows it's true. So then it was: "But you keep saying that we're a family and we're supposed to have one another's backs" to which I pointed out that he is 100% correct so if he can tell me how he has been upholding that, I'll apologize right then and of course, he couldn't
*** He brought up him getting rid of Methany (To which I pointed out that technically, he wouldn't have had to put in so much work had he cut the cord any of the 4x's she was gone to which he pointed out he was weak like this was news to me or some shit)
*** Methany in general (To which I pointed out that he was the one who made sure I knew how much better than me she was for him so at some point, she was good enough apparently)
*** He kept/keeps bringing up sex (To which I pointed out that he needed to stop doing that because my life doesn't revolve around shit like that and even if it did, I don't owe anybody that information and if I was telling him about my sex life *laughs in nunnery* he wouldn't like it so stop doing that to me)
*** "Something has changed" (To which I pointed out that I need to be around people who respect my mental health. No, I don't believe every interaction I'll have for the rest of my life will be a good one, but I am tired of how he handles me and I gave examples. He was like: "That's just who I am and how I've always been." To which I pointed out that nothing is stopping him from choosing more mature ways to talk to me. I even told him that instead of hanging up outta anger, he could easily learn how to say that a conversation is uncomfortable for him and then separate himself ***Which means I would be accountable if I didn't accept this cuz sometimes I do that, not gonna lie*** which is what I do. There are ways around everything if you really wanna do/be better
*** Basically I gave him a rundown on why things are set the way they are right now and it starts with his mouth. Once again, I had to remind him that just because he's over something doesn't mean I am because I have become a communication person. I need to hash things out so that a solution can be met. I don't always think I'm right nor do I put my feelings first so yes, I believe I have earned the same treatment
*** "I was selfish" (To which I sarcastically replied "Oh my god, this is crazy! I don't believe it!"
As I have said countless times, I didn't throw Player 456 out and as I told him last night, he still acts entitled and hurt, as if he was thrown out tho' we both know that's not how this went down and quite frankly, I'm tired of that too.
Truth is… It felt like an "I apologize but…" or a "I'm accountable but…" conversation. *shrugs* I'm not saying I'm right but it kinda felt as if he wanted me to shoulder some of the blame in his life and I wouldn't. There comes a crossroads in everybody's life where it's time to stop pointing at outside sources and start looking within. My life doesn't revolve around blame. When Player 456 abandoned us, I could have easily folded like a hot towel and huddled behind "This is all Player 456's fault", but I didn't. I asked myself a fair question: "What can you do to fix this?" Yes, it was his fault for leaving but that kind of understanding will only carry you so far in life. It is known. Just like I had to learn to accept a life without him, he has to accept that he wanted to leave. Nobody made him and FOUR TIMES he was asked to come back. I know he wants to live in a world where he is the victim and everybody turned their backs. I get it cuz it sounds way easier than admitting that four times he told me that he wanted a life of his own. He asked for this life he has now and I can't blame him for not wanting to face that.
Truth is, I wouldn't want to either
Later
- Player 456
Soooooooo…
Player 465 is officially Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I swear. Last night he called all apologetic for how he not only how he treated me, but all his behaviors since he was an addict (Especially during this break up) and I swear, I was looking at my phone like: ???
I forgave cuz I'm not exactly committed to a vacation home in the past, but bruh. If you continue to repeat the same steps that you're always apologizing for, are you truly sorry? 🤔🤔🤔 Asking for a friend cuz I also noticed that after said apology…
*** He alluded to me having somebody by saying he hasn't been over here to visit the kids cuz he didn't wanna end up in no drama (To which I pointed out if I did, I would have every right as a single woman cuz what drama?… I also pointed out that even tho' I wasn't given the same grace, I wouldn't put him in the gross position that I've been placed in time and time again. Which is true. Even when I was full of shit, I did my best to keep my real life separate from my home life. The focus wasn't on hurting anyone. The focus was on living my life cuz he was living his. He was fine leaving me at home with the kids while he was living his best life. Instead of continuing to shed tears to a person who obviously didn't care, I decided to change my lot in life. It wasn't the right call and I understand that now, but past me didn't have the mind that I have now. Instead of turning my life into a game of Chess, I should've left and I hafta live with the fact that I didn't. Do I feel bad? Nope. Do I understand there was a better choice? Yup)
*** He brought up how hurt he was about me not putting up the house to get him out (To which I told him if he can tell me where I'm accountable in that situation, I'll apologize right now. When he couldn't, I added that he was there when I told the kids that I would no longer be putting myself on the line for jail shit. He was like: "Yeah, I thought that was for them tho'. I didn't think you wouldn't have my back." Wait, what? Bruh 😭😭😭 To which I pointed out that I had nothing to go on that he wouldn't allow me to lose my home. He said "Sometimes you hafta have a little faith in people." To which I pointed out that I did have faith in him and he did me wrong and he knows it's true. So then it was: "But you keep saying that we're a family and we're supposed to have one another's backs" to which I pointed out that he is 100% correct so if he can tell me how he has been upholding that, I'll apologize right then and of course, he couldn't
*** He brought up him getting rid of Methany (To which I pointed out that technically, he wouldn't have had to put in so much work had he cut the cord any of the 4x's she was gone to which he pointed out he was weak like this was news to me or some shit)
*** Methany in general (To which I pointed out that he was the one who made sure I knew how much better than me she was for him so at some point, she was good enough apparently)
*** He kept/keeps bringing up sex (To which I pointed out that he needed to stop doing that because my life doesn't revolve around shit like that and even if it did, I don't owe anybody that information and if I was telling him about my sex life *laughs in nunnery* he wouldn't like it so stop doing that to me)
*** "Something has changed" (To which I pointed out that I need to be around people who respect my mental health. No, I don't believe every interaction I'll have for the rest of my life will be a good one, but I am tired of how he handles me and I gave examples. He was like: "That's just who I am and how I've always been." To which I pointed out that nothing is stopping him from choosing more mature ways to talk to me. I even told him that instead of hanging up outta anger, he could easily learn how to say that a conversation is uncomfortable for him and then separate himself ***Which means I would be accountable if I didn't accept this cuz sometimes I do that, not gonna lie*** which is what I do. There are ways around everything if you really wanna do/be better
*** Basically I gave him a rundown on why things are set the way they are right now and it starts with his mouth. Once again, I had to remind him that just because he's over something doesn't mean I am because I have become a communication person. I need to hash things out so that a solution can be met. I don't always think I'm right nor do I put my feelings first so yes, I believe I have earned the same treatment
*** "I was selfish" (To which I sarcastically replied "Oh my god, this is crazy! I don't believe it!"
As I have said countless times, I didn't throw Player 456 out and as I told him last night, he still acts entitled and hurt, as if he was thrown out tho' we both know that's not how this went down and quite frankly, I'm tired of that too.
Truth is… It felt like an "I apologize but…" or a "I'm accountable but…" conversation. *shrugs* I'm not saying I'm right but it kinda felt as if he wanted me to shoulder some of the blame in his life and I wouldn't. There comes a crossroads in everybody's life where it's time to stop pointing at outside sources and start looking within. My life doesn't revolve around blame. When Player 456 abandoned us, I could have easily folded like a hot towel and huddled behind "This is all Player 456's fault", but I didn't. I asked myself a fair question: "What can you do to fix this?" Yes, it was his fault for leaving but that kind of understanding will only carry you so far in life. It is known. Just like I had to learn to accept a life without him, he has to accept that he wanted to leave. Nobody made him and FOUR TIMES he was asked to come back. I know he wants to live in a world where he is the victim and everybody turned their backs. I get it cuz it sounds way easier than admitting that four times he told me that he wanted a life of his own. He asked for this life he has now and I can't blame him for not wanting to face that.
Truth is, I wouldn't want to either
Later