Randomly Weird Shit...
“Oh, by the way, happy belated birthday.”
- The dark lord (Nope, not a typo. This actually happened. Believe it or not, I even went ahead and wished him a happy birthday since memory dictates that I know it’s tomorrow)
Today in randomly weird shit that actually happened: I held a conversation with the dark lord that was 3mins longer than it should have been. (It was probably about 2mins and 30secs, but that was still too long) He started with asking me how Zyi’ and Mo were then he asked how I was and I was looking at the phone like O_o
Cuz um, no. Nah. Nope. No, no, no. I wasn’t rude and it didn’t bring me out of my character, but as soon as he announced himself, I immediately broke out in a sweat. I was triggered, that fast. My boundaries were breached. Shit, before he got on the phone, Krampus was all up in my ear, asking me how I was then she proceeded to warn me of how hot it was outside. Have I entered the Twilight Zone?! Bruh, in what world would I feel comfortable talking to that ball of slime?! Crazy part is, I heard him ask for the phone so that means he intended for that conversation to happen to the point that he was telling me he wasn’t gonna see the kids tomorrow. (They’re on a beach trip to celebrate Kai’s college acceptances and achievements, which I am so super duper uber proud of him for) Bruh, let’s be real and let’s be honest: You haven’t exactly been the most present of parents in YEARS. I think you’ll survive this birthday without them. He kept trying to engage me in small talk, but I wouldn’t bite. No sir. I do not, absolutely DO NOT want him getting it in his head that a seat at my table will be available EVER AGAIN. We do not break bread together. We are not friends. We are not acquaintances. We are not anything cuz your ass is and forever will be dead to me.
Him using Player 456 as an excuse to hop on the phone when he could have easily just allowed Krampus to slither herself outside to hand it to him (Which is exactly what she was doing) was just gross. Man, I know you know that I know that you know that I don’t wanna talk to you. There’s no way you don’t know that shit. I wear the disgust like some kind of expensive ass perfume.
I dunno.
I know one thing tho’: If he tries to contact me after this, there will be blood.
Later
PS: Entry edit... 6/28/2022
Ya know, were I to start a new entry, it would be called "The Old You", but I don't think this bullshit deserves a new entry simply because of how ludicrous this is.
Soooooooo yesterday I noticed that I had not 1, not 2 but SIX missed calls from across the pond. I called back thinking something had happened only for Player 456 to start going on and on about his life and him feeling like he needs this and that and that's not even what I care about. I care about the part where he said I sound like the old me when I was saying I was doing it alone right now. Somehow he flipped it to I didn't make the life I have right now but myself. Uh, bruh. You're right. I even pointed out that had he been mature and not hung up on me, he would have heard my entire sentence and not what he wanted to hear. I've always been honest that my check was based off our bills and his was how we lived so that way if he walked out, it wouldn't be as gah-awful cuz I was always paying the bills. (Cuz he was a flight risk. EIGHT TIMES people, EIGHT! What he should be questioning is why there was a plan in place for when he bailed. I didn't even operate on if. I operated on WHEN. Nobody and I do mean NOBODY should be in a position where they have a plan in place for such a thing and I stand by that) And even now when he does things over here, I give credit. I don't say I did it cuz I know my ass didn't. He said it sounded like the old me to him, that's why he heard it that way and I was like: "No, that's how you wanted to hear it because you could have easily done like I do for you and ask what I meant. You felt how you felt and that's fine, but feelings aren't facts."
Somehow this landed on the topic of my birthday and how he got outta jail before my birthday and I didn't even wanna see him on the actual day. (Yeah, he was in full manipulation mode yesterday) Wait... What? I didn't point out that I didn't owe him not one second of my birthday. I didn't get mean. (Tho' he accused me of being mean because I wouldn't play ball and start babying him) As I told him, I wasn't even in town on my birthday and he was more than welcome to ask what I did and how it went. I doubt he wanted to do that tho' cuz I wouldn't have even tried to lie *shrugs*
Now that I've had time to think on it, that's not even the worst part of him asking. Say I put last year's shit show to the side. Say I called Caleb up and cancelled. Say I told him that he could come over.
Do you know what I would have been signing on for?
Another birthday where if I do nothing, it would go uncelebrated. He's fresh outta jail so that means I would be responsible for everything, as usual. Do I think other people should be responsible my birthdays? Nope. Not in the slightest but I also understand that Caleb and I had made plans ALMOST A MONTH before my actual birthday so cancelling would have been a slap in his face. (Especially since he asked what I wanted, I told him and he said he would make it happen and not only did he, he went out of his way to make sure it was my experience. The entire day was about me.) I also understand that had I made those choices, I wouldn't have had the amazing experience that I had. I would have spent it at home... With him (Ugh, Jesus... Gross 🤮🤮🤮) Or it could have ended in him calling me back and telling me that he couldn't find a ride and I end up at home bawling my eyeballs out like so many other years. Shit like that. I have so many times documented of him telling me one thing (Not just birthday related) then doing the exact opposite and first me used to eat this dumb shit up. She would cancel all her plans cuz he would swear he'd planned something or he had something for her only to end up alone and hurt or having to handle everything and angry
(And no, I'm not saying it happened to her all the time. The problem is, I have more memories/entries of it happening than not and this me operates logistically. Everything this me does has to make sense) *sighs* She had such blind faith for somebody who didn't even have faith in her.
Truth is, I didn't get my hair done and search tirelessly for the perfect birthday outfit to spend the day at home. I did it because I knew I wanted to spend the day with Caleb and honestly, had he suggested we just drive around town doing nothing, I would have been all for it cuz I love spending time with Caleb, doesn't matter what we're doing. I had no idea how our adventures were gonna turn out on my birthday but the second it started to rain, I knew it was gonna be one for the memory bank and look, I was right. So nah, Player 456. I know I made the right call. Why spend my birthday with someone who cannot stand me unless I'm doing everything like he wants me to over someone who only wants me to be me? Don't worry. I'll wait. *rolls eyes* No I won't. That shit makes no fucking sense. (And here I was giving him points for bringing that cake. Seems to me like as usual, there's a catch to everything 🙄🙄🙄)
Basically, it felt as if he was trying to guilt me into feeling feelings that I'm not even about to feel.
No matter how he tries to spin it, he walked out on us. He wasn't thrown out. He was asked 4x's to come home and all 4x's I was told he needed to have a life of his own and I needed to accept that.
It took awhile, but eventually, I did accept that he didn't wanna be here with me so why is he acting like I didn't respect his wishes?
Cuz he thought I would just open the doors now that he realizes the grass isn't greener out there, but that's not my problem. I didn't make any of this happen nor did I want it and you know what? That's okay. I've grown and am doing a lot better now. So yeah, this time, I'm not gonna get all up in my feelings cuz that's what "the old me" would have done.
Honestly, what he fails to realize is past me would have been arguing with him and pleading a case yesterday and by now, she would have allowed him to come back because she would have wanted to do what's best for him. I didn't say any of that tho' I know it to be true.
Why? Because I knew he was intent on being negative and he'd already hung up on me twice. I only called back because as I told him, there's no need to be mean/rude/nasty with one another. All he wants to hear is "You can come back." And that's it. Anything beyond that invokes an argument and I'm no longer argumentative. I talk things out. Unfortunately, I can't be "the old me" because she doesn't get a seat at my table. There's only this me and this me is all about doing what's best for her
- The dark lord (Nope, not a typo. This actually happened. Believe it or not, I even went ahead and wished him a happy birthday since memory dictates that I know it’s tomorrow)
Today in randomly weird shit that actually happened: I held a conversation with the dark lord that was 3mins longer than it should have been. (It was probably about 2mins and 30secs, but that was still too long) He started with asking me how Zyi’ and Mo were then he asked how I was and I was looking at the phone like O_o
Cuz um, no. Nah. Nope. No, no, no. I wasn’t rude and it didn’t bring me out of my character, but as soon as he announced himself, I immediately broke out in a sweat. I was triggered, that fast. My boundaries were breached. Shit, before he got on the phone, Krampus was all up in my ear, asking me how I was then she proceeded to warn me of how hot it was outside. Have I entered the Twilight Zone?! Bruh, in what world would I feel comfortable talking to that ball of slime?! Crazy part is, I heard him ask for the phone so that means he intended for that conversation to happen to the point that he was telling me he wasn’t gonna see the kids tomorrow. (They’re on a beach trip to celebrate Kai’s college acceptances and achievements, which I am so super duper uber proud of him for) Bruh, let’s be real and let’s be honest: You haven’t exactly been the most present of parents in YEARS. I think you’ll survive this birthday without them. He kept trying to engage me in small talk, but I wouldn’t bite. No sir. I do not, absolutely DO NOT want him getting it in his head that a seat at my table will be available EVER AGAIN. We do not break bread together. We are not friends. We are not acquaintances. We are not anything cuz your ass is and forever will be dead to me.
Him using Player 456 as an excuse to hop on the phone when he could have easily just allowed Krampus to slither herself outside to hand it to him (Which is exactly what she was doing) was just gross. Man, I know you know that I know that you know that I don’t wanna talk to you. There’s no way you don’t know that shit. I wear the disgust like some kind of expensive ass perfume.
I dunno.
I know one thing tho’: If he tries to contact me after this, there will be blood.
Later
PS: Entry edit... 6/28/2022
Ya know, were I to start a new entry, it would be called "The Old You", but I don't think this bullshit deserves a new entry simply because of how ludicrous this is.
Soooooooo yesterday I noticed that I had not 1, not 2 but SIX missed calls from across the pond. I called back thinking something had happened only for Player 456 to start going on and on about his life and him feeling like he needs this and that and that's not even what I care about. I care about the part where he said I sound like the old me when I was saying I was doing it alone right now. Somehow he flipped it to I didn't make the life I have right now but myself. Uh, bruh. You're right. I even pointed out that had he been mature and not hung up on me, he would have heard my entire sentence and not what he wanted to hear. I've always been honest that my check was based off our bills and his was how we lived so that way if he walked out, it wouldn't be as gah-awful cuz I was always paying the bills. (Cuz he was a flight risk. EIGHT TIMES people, EIGHT! What he should be questioning is why there was a plan in place for when he bailed. I didn't even operate on if. I operated on WHEN. Nobody and I do mean NOBODY should be in a position where they have a plan in place for such a thing and I stand by that) And even now when he does things over here, I give credit. I don't say I did it cuz I know my ass didn't. He said it sounded like the old me to him, that's why he heard it that way and I was like: "No, that's how you wanted to hear it because you could have easily done like I do for you and ask what I meant. You felt how you felt and that's fine, but feelings aren't facts."
Somehow this landed on the topic of my birthday and how he got outta jail before my birthday and I didn't even wanna see him on the actual day. (Yeah, he was in full manipulation mode yesterday) Wait... What? I didn't point out that I didn't owe him not one second of my birthday. I didn't get mean. (Tho' he accused me of being mean because I wouldn't play ball and start babying him) As I told him, I wasn't even in town on my birthday and he was more than welcome to ask what I did and how it went. I doubt he wanted to do that tho' cuz I wouldn't have even tried to lie *shrugs*
Now that I've had time to think on it, that's not even the worst part of him asking. Say I put last year's shit show to the side. Say I called Caleb up and cancelled. Say I told him that he could come over.
Do you know what I would have been signing on for?
Another birthday where if I do nothing, it would go uncelebrated. He's fresh outta jail so that means I would be responsible for everything, as usual. Do I think other people should be responsible my birthdays? Nope. Not in the slightest but I also understand that Caleb and I had made plans ALMOST A MONTH before my actual birthday so cancelling would have been a slap in his face. (Especially since he asked what I wanted, I told him and he said he would make it happen and not only did he, he went out of his way to make sure it was my experience. The entire day was about me.) I also understand that had I made those choices, I wouldn't have had the amazing experience that I had. I would have spent it at home... With him (Ugh, Jesus... Gross 🤮🤮🤮) Or it could have ended in him calling me back and telling me that he couldn't find a ride and I end up at home bawling my eyeballs out like so many other years. Shit like that. I have so many times documented of him telling me one thing (Not just birthday related) then doing the exact opposite and first me used to eat this dumb shit up. She would cancel all her plans cuz he would swear he'd planned something or he had something for her only to end up alone and hurt or having to handle everything and angry
(And no, I'm not saying it happened to her all the time. The problem is, I have more memories/entries of it happening than not and this me operates logistically. Everything this me does has to make sense) *sighs* She had such blind faith for somebody who didn't even have faith in her.
Truth is, I didn't get my hair done and search tirelessly for the perfect birthday outfit to spend the day at home. I did it because I knew I wanted to spend the day with Caleb and honestly, had he suggested we just drive around town doing nothing, I would have been all for it cuz I love spending time with Caleb, doesn't matter what we're doing. I had no idea how our adventures were gonna turn out on my birthday but the second it started to rain, I knew it was gonna be one for the memory bank and look, I was right. So nah, Player 456. I know I made the right call. Why spend my birthday with someone who cannot stand me unless I'm doing everything like he wants me to over someone who only wants me to be me? Don't worry. I'll wait. *rolls eyes* No I won't. That shit makes no fucking sense. (And here I was giving him points for bringing that cake. Seems to me like as usual, there's a catch to everything 🙄🙄🙄)
Basically, it felt as if he was trying to guilt me into feeling feelings that I'm not even about to feel.
No matter how he tries to spin it, he walked out on us. He wasn't thrown out. He was asked 4x's to come home and all 4x's I was told he needed to have a life of his own and I needed to accept that.
It took awhile, but eventually, I did accept that he didn't wanna be here with me so why is he acting like I didn't respect his wishes?
Cuz he thought I would just open the doors now that he realizes the grass isn't greener out there, but that's not my problem. I didn't make any of this happen nor did I want it and you know what? That's okay. I've grown and am doing a lot better now. So yeah, this time, I'm not gonna get all up in my feelings cuz that's what "the old me" would have done.
Honestly, what he fails to realize is past me would have been arguing with him and pleading a case yesterday and by now, she would have allowed him to come back because she would have wanted to do what's best for him. I didn't say any of that tho' I know it to be true.
Why? Because I knew he was intent on being negative and he'd already hung up on me twice. I only called back because as I told him, there's no need to be mean/rude/nasty with one another. All he wants to hear is "You can come back." And that's it. Anything beyond that invokes an argument and I'm no longer argumentative. I talk things out. Unfortunately, I can't be "the old me" because she doesn't get a seat at my table. There's only this me and this me is all about doing what's best for her