The movie poster thing is based off a real person. No, seriously. She's 12 though, not 13.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
EDWARD: *runs with Bella on his back*
THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FANGIRLS: I SAW THIS IN THE MOVIE TRAILER AND OMG THE MOVIE THE MOVIE THE MOVIE EDWARD IS SO GORGEOUS I HAVE A POSTER OF HIS FACE IN MY ROOM AND I PUT HEART STICKERS ALL OVER IT.
BELLA: Thanks for the ride. I kiss your neck!
EDWARD: Oookay then.
BELLA: Let’s have yet another conversation about how I don’t deserve you, or how you don’t deserve me, and we go back and forth for pages about who loves who more. Also I’ll tell you about me being reckless to hear your disembodied voice telling me I’m stupid. HOLY CRAP I just realized something. You love me!
READERS: *facepalm*
BELLA: HI CULLENS.
CULLENS: Oh, hi. What’s up?
BELLA: Okay guys, long story short, I need to be a vampire or the bad guys come over here and probably kill you all.
EDWARD: Except that they’ll be using vampire powers to find you and you’re special and unique so that won’t work. So I’ll hide you and fight them off and it’s the best plan ever.
EVERYONE: *blah blah, votes to turn Bella, yay for her, Edward is annoyed*
BELLA: Awesome! Now, who’s doing this?
ALICE: Not me, I might kill you.
CARLISLE: I can do it! I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
EDWARD: NO WAIT NOT YET, WE HAVE TO DRAW THIS OUT FOR ANOTHER TWO BOOKS.
BELLA: Dammit. Fine.
EDWARD: Five years.
BELLA: One. I want to be a teenager still.
EDWARD: FINE. But marry me first.
BELLA: WHAT? That’s crazy, I’m only eighteen.
EDWARD: ... So you’re fine with eternal life with me but not commitment.
BELLA: Shhh, Charlie’s up. HI DAD.
CHARLIE: I am going to kill you. THREE DAYS, Bella. THREE FUCKING DAYS.
BELLA: Yeah, my bad. Let me explain... but leaving out key elements like the Italian vampires out out to kill me.
CHARLIE: You shouldn’t date Edward again.
BELLA: Fine I’ll move out. Unless you back off.
CHARLIE: ARGH. *leaves*
EDWARD: That was probably dumb.
BELLA: No big deal, I’ll just move in with you. Nothing could possibly go wrong as a human in a house full of vampires. Then you can turn me and we can be immortal forever together and it’ll be sparkly and amazing. NOW KISSY KISSY.
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
READERS: What's that? Epilogue? EPILOGUE? OH GOD YES.
Back to chapter one!
EDWARD: *runs with Bella on his back*
THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FANGIRLS: I SAW THIS IN THE MOVIE TRAILER AND OMG THE MOVIE THE MOVIE THE MOVIE EDWARD IS SO GORGEOUS I HAVE A POSTER OF HIS FACE IN MY ROOM AND I PUT HEART STICKERS ALL OVER IT.
BELLA: Thanks for the ride. I kiss your neck!
EDWARD: Oookay then.
BELLA: Let’s have yet another conversation about how I don’t deserve you, or how you don’t deserve me, and we go back and forth for pages about who loves who more. Also I’ll tell you about me being reckless to hear your disembodied voice telling me I’m stupid. HOLY CRAP I just realized something. You love me!
READERS: *facepalm*
BELLA: HI CULLENS.
CULLENS: Oh, hi. What’s up?
BELLA: Okay guys, long story short, I need to be a vampire or the bad guys come over here and probably kill you all.
EDWARD: Except that they’ll be using vampire powers to find you and you’re special and unique so that won’t work. So I’ll hide you and fight them off and it’s the best plan ever.
EVERYONE: *blah blah, votes to turn Bella, yay for her, Edward is annoyed*
BELLA: Awesome! Now, who’s doing this?
ALICE: Not me, I might kill you.
CARLISLE: I can do it! I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
EDWARD: NO WAIT NOT YET, WE HAVE TO DRAW THIS OUT FOR ANOTHER TWO BOOKS.
BELLA: Dammit. Fine.
EDWARD: Five years.
BELLA: One. I want to be a teenager still.
EDWARD: FINE. But marry me first.
BELLA: WHAT? That’s crazy, I’m only eighteen.
EDWARD: ... So you’re fine with eternal life with me but not commitment.
BELLA: Shhh, Charlie’s up. HI DAD.
CHARLIE: I am going to kill you. THREE DAYS, Bella. THREE FUCKING DAYS.
BELLA: Yeah, my bad. Let me explain... but leaving out key elements like the Italian vampires out out to kill me.
CHARLIE: You shouldn’t date Edward again.
BELLA: Fine I’ll move out. Unless you back off.
CHARLIE: ARGH. *leaves*
EDWARD: That was probably dumb.
BELLA: No big deal, I’ll just move in with you. Nothing could possibly go wrong as a human in a house full of vampires. Then you can turn me and we can be immortal forever together and it’ll be sparkly and amazing. NOW KISSY KISSY.
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
READERS: What's that? Epilogue? EPILOGUE? OH GOD YES.
Back to chapter one!