y so srs
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALICE: Yo.
BELLA: OMG ALICE YAY.
ALICE; Whoa, wtf, calm down, would you? I’m hungry so stop hugging me.
BELLA: Oh, my bad.
ALICE: No, it’s cool, my fault. Been a while since I ate. Anyway, I saw the future and saw you jump off a goddam cliff. Are you STUPID?
BELLA: That’s been pretty solidly established, yeah. Anyway, I jumped off a cliff for fun, not suicide. Anyway, Jacob pulled me out, did you not see that in your vision?
ALICE: ... No. Hm. Weird.
BELLA: Anyway, he pulled me out, so I’m all good now. He’s pretty strong so the current wasn’t a problem. He’s a werewolf.
ALICE: ... Oh. I see. So you’re hanging with a werewolf?
BELLA: He’s only been a werewolf for a few weeksl
ALICE: So he’s a young one. Man, you are stupid, Edward was right. The vampires leave and you latch on to the first monsters you can find.
BELLA: HEY. FYI, Laurent and Victoria are still around! Well, Victoria is. So HA. Not all vampires skipped town. WHAT THEN. Anyway I’ll tell you the whole story and beg you to stay tonight.
ALICE: I’ll stay because you look like hell.
PHONE: It’s JACOB on the line!
JACOB: Hi, you dead?
BELLA: No, I--
JACOB: Bye.
BELLA: Dammit.
ALICE: Right. Well I need to run off and eat some cute fuzzy animals and pick up some clothes so I can stay here the night. BRB!
BELLA: Oka--
ALICE: Back! Anyway, Edward doesn’t know I’m here, he’s kind of been doing his own thing lately anyway, as have I.
CHARLIE: I’m home and miserable about my best friend.
ALICE: This is probably a bad time then.
CHARLIE: No it’s cool, you can stay. Is... uh... Carlisle here?
ALICE: No, Edward isn’t here.
CHARLIE: Oh good.
BELLA: I will fall asleep so I can wake up and hear you two talking.
ALICE: So how pathetic did she get when Edward dumped her ass?
CHARLIE: Oh God it was awful. She moped for weeks. I tried to get her to go to Florida with her mom, that pissed her off something good. After that she was a total zombie and avoided everything that reminded her of him. Screamed in her sleep, had no friends anymore, all the fun stuff.
ALICE: Oops.
CHARLIE: No it’s cool, not your fault. Anyway I think she and Jacob have a little somethin’-somethin’ going on so she seems a lot better now. I’m strongly hinting by this that you should tell Edward.
ALICE: Well at least she’s happy.
CHARLIE: I don’t know, she still acts like some one died or something.
BELLA: *to herself* Some one did die... ME.
READER: Oh for fuck’s sake.
CHARLIE: She’ll always be like this, you know. She’s stubborn and doesn’t let go of things easily.
ALICE: She’s one of a kind.
READER: Right, because NO ONE ELSE EVER is like that. NO ONE. Bella is totally special.
CHARLIE: Edward isn’t going to visit, is he?
ALICE: No, he’s off somewhere in South America being mopey.
CHARLIE: Right. Well, I’m off.
BELLA: HI GUYS I’M AWAKE JUST NOW AND HAVEN’T BEEN EAVESDROPPING. Anyway, Alice, let’s talk about the Cullens-sans-Edward. Also your past as a human.
ALICE: Yeah I saw the future as a human too and was in an asylum. Or was, maybe. My date of admission and death are the same.
BELLA: Oh good. And I’m glad you aren’t talking about Edward even though I want to hear about him.
(later)
DOORBELL: ANSWER MEEE.
ALICE: I think one of your werewolf buddies is here. I think. I can’t magically see them, apparently that’s a problem. I think I’ll run off since he probably will be pissed about me being here. Bye!
END OF CHAPTER SEVENTEEN CAN WE PLEASE GET TO THE POINT
JACOB FANGIRLS: PLEASE BE JACOB AT THE DOOR!
Back to chapter one!
ALICE: Yo.
BELLA: OMG ALICE YAY.
ALICE; Whoa, wtf, calm down, would you? I’m hungry so stop hugging me.
BELLA: Oh, my bad.
ALICE: No, it’s cool, my fault. Been a while since I ate. Anyway, I saw the future and saw you jump off a goddam cliff. Are you STUPID?
BELLA: That’s been pretty solidly established, yeah. Anyway, I jumped off a cliff for fun, not suicide. Anyway, Jacob pulled me out, did you not see that in your vision?
ALICE: ... No. Hm. Weird.
BELLA: Anyway, he pulled me out, so I’m all good now. He’s pretty strong so the current wasn’t a problem. He’s a werewolf.
ALICE: ... Oh. I see. So you’re hanging with a werewolf?
BELLA: He’s only been a werewolf for a few weeksl
ALICE: So he’s a young one. Man, you are stupid, Edward was right. The vampires leave and you latch on to the first monsters you can find.
BELLA: HEY. FYI, Laurent and Victoria are still around! Well, Victoria is. So HA. Not all vampires skipped town. WHAT THEN. Anyway I’ll tell you the whole story and beg you to stay tonight.
ALICE: I’ll stay because you look like hell.
PHONE: It’s JACOB on the line!
JACOB: Hi, you dead?
BELLA: No, I--
JACOB: Bye.
BELLA: Dammit.
ALICE: Right. Well I need to run off and eat some cute fuzzy animals and pick up some clothes so I can stay here the night. BRB!
BELLA: Oka--
ALICE: Back! Anyway, Edward doesn’t know I’m here, he’s kind of been doing his own thing lately anyway, as have I.
CHARLIE: I’m home and miserable about my best friend.
ALICE: This is probably a bad time then.
CHARLIE: No it’s cool, you can stay. Is... uh... Carlisle here?
ALICE: No, Edward isn’t here.
CHARLIE: Oh good.
BELLA: I will fall asleep so I can wake up and hear you two talking.
ALICE: So how pathetic did she get when Edward dumped her ass?
CHARLIE: Oh God it was awful. She moped for weeks. I tried to get her to go to Florida with her mom, that pissed her off something good. After that she was a total zombie and avoided everything that reminded her of him. Screamed in her sleep, had no friends anymore, all the fun stuff.
ALICE: Oops.
CHARLIE: No it’s cool, not your fault. Anyway I think she and Jacob have a little somethin’-somethin’ going on so she seems a lot better now. I’m strongly hinting by this that you should tell Edward.
ALICE: Well at least she’s happy.
CHARLIE: I don’t know, she still acts like some one died or something.
BELLA: *to herself* Some one did die... ME.
READER: Oh for fuck’s sake.
CHARLIE: She’ll always be like this, you know. She’s stubborn and doesn’t let go of things easily.
ALICE: She’s one of a kind.
READER: Right, because NO ONE ELSE EVER is like that. NO ONE. Bella is totally special.
CHARLIE: Edward isn’t going to visit, is he?
ALICE: No, he’s off somewhere in South America being mopey.
CHARLIE: Right. Well, I’m off.
BELLA: HI GUYS I’M AWAKE JUST NOW AND HAVEN’T BEEN EAVESDROPPING. Anyway, Alice, let’s talk about the Cullens-sans-Edward. Also your past as a human.
ALICE: Yeah I saw the future as a human too and was in an asylum. Or was, maybe. My date of admission and death are the same.
BELLA: Oh good. And I’m glad you aren’t talking about Edward even though I want to hear about him.
(later)
DOORBELL: ANSWER MEEE.
ALICE: I think one of your werewolf buddies is here. I think. I can’t magically see them, apparently that’s a problem. I think I’ll run off since he probably will be pissed about me being here. Bye!
END OF CHAPTER SEVENTEEN CAN WE PLEASE GET TO THE POINT
JACOB FANGIRLS: PLEASE BE JACOB AT THE DOOR!
Back to chapter one!