It's Fives Time!
1. Five angry missives Watson wrote to Ms. Adler but never sent.
a) He's MINE. MINE!
b) You have Holmes's trousers. Please return them otherwise I'll tell the REAL story.
c) Thanks to your photograph the world now has the impression Holmes is madly in love with you. Damn you, woman!
d) Please return Holmes's mousie, otherwise you will be hearing from me again and I do not like you upsetting my boyfriend friend
e) I hate you.
2. Five fake stories placed in the agony column to lure Holmes out of his depression. (Lestrade was certain his would work.)
a) This is a message to my husbands mistress, I'm on to you. Please meet me by the third lamp post by St Pancras station.
b) Lost: Precious jewels. Massive reward for anyone who can uncover the datedly crime behind their disappearance.
c) Genius required.
d) Oh won't someone help me, I've lost my precious kitten Moo-Moo.
e) Stud-muffin required, reasonable rates of pay.
3. Five reasons Holmes was banned from the Diogenes Club. (Mycroft eventually lifted the ban, but not until he was sure Sherlock had learned his lesson!)
a) He ate the last of the cinnamon cake and everyone knows that Mycroft gets the last piece of any cake.
b) Passing noxious gas.
c) Sex is fine, loud sex however is not.
d) He was mean to Mrs Hudson.
e) "My dear boy, I said we were playing Poker not Strip Poker, now do put it away."
4. Watson's five excuses for the suspicious moisture in his eyes. ("Have you never heard of smog, Holmes?" "No.")
a) "I... sat on myself."
b) "Just a spot of hay fever."
c) "Onions."
d) "You're standing on my foot, Holmes."
e) "I'm NOT crying!"
5. Five reactions Mycroft had upon reading Watson's description of him as "corpulent" and "massive". (The first reaction caused Watson to leave town for a few days, just to be on the safe side.)
a) Corrected Watson's spelling and then returned the manuscript first class without any other word.
b) Vowed to start taking some exercise... next week perhaps, when the weather is better.
c) Cried miserably and then went on a binge eat & purge.
d) Wrote a scathing review of Watson's work in the local newspaper, Watson cried for a week afterwards and Sherlock wasn't sure who he should comfort.
e) Started 'Weight Watches'.
Bonus:
Five written declarations of love found in the cushions of the settee at B St. (The "to" and "from" are up to you.)
a) "Oh my darling, the willowy patten contrasts beautifully against the pure white of your China. Please, let me praise you for all eternity." (Bert to the tea pot)
b) "I could get lost in your eyes, they are shining pools of delight." (Mycroft to Mrs Hudson)
c) "Come, the game is afoot!" (Holmes to Watson)
d) "You know exactly how to twiddle my moustache." (Watson to Holmes)
e) "You're all I'll ever need in life." (Lestrade to Hopkins)
Five disastrous experiments that took place in the sitting room. (Once Mrs. Hudson's eyebrows grew back, the rent was raised)
a) Vulcan Make Up Test
b) Can you use natural methane gas as a source of power?
c) How many cigarettes can Holmes smoke in an hour?
d) The flammable properties of various materials.
e) Are smoke signals still relevant as a means of communication?
Five cases Watson can never write about. (He's dying to tell the first one, but he knows Holmes would never forgive him)
a) What really happened during SCAN
b) Sherlock Holmes and the Missing Stuffed Mouse
c) How Moriarty really got away.
d) The one time Lestrade was 100% right and Holmes was very, very wrong.
e) How he came to love a Doctor.