(no subject)
seems that i always want to tribute. only, the words never form. i am quick on my feet, but slow to describe this feeling that comes over me. it is a feeling of awe, only i am not frozen, i want to scream, just yell, smile. it is a feeling of heat, only i do not sweat, i get chills from the sheer magnitude of it. it is a feeling of comfort, only i want to squeeze my teeth together as hard as i can, i want to bite, pinch, break. perhaps it is the perfection i dont trust, it is my safety that i want to destroy.
it is something i have always wanted, something i have cried over, hated and now live with in my daily life.
i must admit it is very hard to get used to. i feel that i am not actually in its presence, but that i am pretending.
i am not quite sure what i want to say, everytime clarity is imminent, confusion steps in with a harsh, sweeping motion. it is my mind that plagues me and my heart that soothes me.
so here is your tribute, please accept it. i am sorry that it is not beautiful like you, i am sorry it doesnt express the warmth i feel. i am sorry it has a band-aid on it's face, blanket on it's legs, and knots in it's hair. i am sorry it's hands are dirty and feet bare. I am sorry it can never be what i want it to be.......
it is something i have always wanted, something i have cried over, hated and now live with in my daily life.
i must admit it is very hard to get used to. i feel that i am not actually in its presence, but that i am pretending.
i am not quite sure what i want to say, everytime clarity is imminent, confusion steps in with a harsh, sweeping motion. it is my mind that plagues me and my heart that soothes me.
so here is your tribute, please accept it. i am sorry that it is not beautiful like you, i am sorry it doesnt express the warmth i feel. i am sorry it has a band-aid on it's face, blanket on it's legs, and knots in it's hair. i am sorry it's hands are dirty and feet bare. I am sorry it can never be what i want it to be.......