Network Television
Things I have learned from watching network television:
All women are stunningly implausibly beautiful.
All priests are pedophiles.
All smokers die of lung cancer.
No terrorism is committed by Muslims. Sometimes it appears at first to be committed by Muslims, but it always turns out to be non-Islamic white people.
All homeless men are crippled Vietnam veterans who the government has failed to take care of. None of them are drug addicts or alcoholics.
All homeless women are noble single moms down on their luck, put in the predicament by a bad boyfriend or husband who stole their money and left. None of them are drug addicts or alcoholics.
All liberals are good, all conservatives are evil.
All southerners are conservatives.
All conservatives are hyper-religious gun-toting xenophobes.
All professional women and experts in their field are in their early 20’s regardless of how long it would plausibly take to rise to that position.
All corporations are inherently evil, controlling private armies to kill those who might affect profits.
Women find men 30 years older than them irresistibly attractive.
All elected legislators are perverts.
When people wake up in the morning, they are beautiful, their hair is in perfect shape, and their pajamas are still neatly pressed.
Doctors only ever have one patient at a time.
A good man, romantically, is one who will subvert all of his needs and desires for the woman he’s with. Any deviation from this rule makes him flawed.
A good woman, romantically, is one who will aggressively seek sex, then want nothing more.
It is impossible for a woman to be self-reliant and not be a bitch.
-ATW
All women are stunningly implausibly beautiful.
All priests are pedophiles.
All smokers die of lung cancer.
No terrorism is committed by Muslims. Sometimes it appears at first to be committed by Muslims, but it always turns out to be non-Islamic white people.
All homeless men are crippled Vietnam veterans who the government has failed to take care of. None of them are drug addicts or alcoholics.
All homeless women are noble single moms down on their luck, put in the predicament by a bad boyfriend or husband who stole their money and left. None of them are drug addicts or alcoholics.
All liberals are good, all conservatives are evil.
All southerners are conservatives.
All conservatives are hyper-religious gun-toting xenophobes.
All professional women and experts in their field are in their early 20’s regardless of how long it would plausibly take to rise to that position.
All corporations are inherently evil, controlling private armies to kill those who might affect profits.
Women find men 30 years older than them irresistibly attractive.
All elected legislators are perverts.
When people wake up in the morning, they are beautiful, their hair is in perfect shape, and their pajamas are still neatly pressed.
Doctors only ever have one patient at a time.
A good man, romantically, is one who will subvert all of his needs and desires for the woman he’s with. Any deviation from this rule makes him flawed.
A good woman, romantically, is one who will aggressively seek sex, then want nothing more.
It is impossible for a woman to be self-reliant and not be a bitch.
-ATW