Trying to stay afloat

[shadowedmind18]

So....as all of you reading this have probably guessed, I am battling severe depression.

I don't know why now...or why at all.

All I know is, I am unhappy most of the time. I have resolved one issue with which I was unhappy...but I still have multiple others in which I need to make peace.

I'm scared.

I don't remember being like this. Where every day I had to fight in order to keep my chin up. Where I had to fight not to hurt myself or worse. I'm not sure how long it will take me in order to be happy again.

Or if I can.

I have to keep up hope, though...it's hard right now though. And I know there are some out there who would read this and think I was being a psychological hypocondriac, and tell me to get over it.

The thing is, this is real. I've tried numerous times to get over it. It's not working anymore.

And this scares me as well.

I want to thank those who are helping me with this...and who will most likely continue to help me through this..who love me enough to tell me to fuck off when I tell them to go away, and they intentionally ignore what I said because they know better...that I do need their support.

I'm sick to my soul of not being able to be happy. I want to find a way to find peace and keep it.

I want...and need...this so badly that I'll even resort to going to the doctor and finding some kind of treatment. And for those of you that know me, you know how much I hate pill-pushers.

It will probably be a long time coming, so please bear with me.

If I have to go down, I'll do so fighting.

Thanks for not giving up on me.