(no subject)
There is something else that i have firm issues with. I bleieve im right in every aspect of the matter and yet i too suffer from it. When im feeling down, pitying myself, i feel i have no right, and therefore feel guilty. Yet another heavy emotion tacked onto the bit. Why should i feel guilty? Because there are people with worse problems? So someone else's misfortune should redeem my present situation to mere discomfort? The idea is laughable and sad, and yet we all feel it. What comforts the less fortunate, the idea that they will die soon? or is it the continuous cycle of less fortunates. Most of the time i chose not to feel guilty for my self-pity....it is a hard task. All of these types of people is why there is Zen. I never knew it had a name until i stumbled upon it, and i am not a buddhist, but i am a magician....practically the same thing. To me the very cycling of this mindset is indescribable, and mastered by very few. Im teaching myself the ways in self-improvement and compassion, but have latley strayed. I dont want to think anymore....or maybe it brings up what i wrote earlier, i havent rambled in a while ....and there are very few people i feel comfortable doing that with.
I keep telling myself that this town is what is making me self-concious, lazy, or uninspired...but those very thoughts alone are slowly wielding my cycling downfall. If i move to a place where, granted there will possibly be like-minded people, there will still be rain, and buildings, streetlights, big-screens, interstates, or maybe just nature- trees, moss, birds..the like...I can find all of that here. Opportunity is a limiting word and i am currently shackled to its narrow defenition...
The funny thing about this journal is that most of the time when i am writing, im not even thinking about the general public. It escapes me that anyone reads it. I dont care if anyone does because i have nothing to hide, but it is still amusing to entertain the thought that people are reading of my personal downfalls as if it were the news. Hah.
I keep telling myself that this town is what is making me self-concious, lazy, or uninspired...but those very thoughts alone are slowly wielding my cycling downfall. If i move to a place where, granted there will possibly be like-minded people, there will still be rain, and buildings, streetlights, big-screens, interstates, or maybe just nature- trees, moss, birds..the like...I can find all of that here. Opportunity is a limiting word and i am currently shackled to its narrow defenition...
The funny thing about this journal is that most of the time when i am writing, im not even thinking about the general public. It escapes me that anyone reads it. I dont care if anyone does because i have nothing to hide, but it is still amusing to entertain the thought that people are reading of my personal downfalls as if it were the news. Hah.