(no subject)
Last night i was filled with a new hope that has drained away suddenly like melted plastic. The plastic that seals my trunk, flooded, water damage. It is so lonley when you have no purpose, and everything that you preach is yet another aspect of yourself. I thought that the weight of the world was a quaint joke, or a reason for suicidal thoughts. Money makes people suicidal, and i understand. Its not the confort of having alot in life....or so i thought. Its the fear of never having enough, and i know that wont change anything except for the worse. I know that dwelling upon unpleasant thoughts leads to more unhappiness...i know i know i know. Somehow it is not changing right now. I NEED to talk to someone...I dont even know about what, but i know that when i cry over a movie or a song or a smile someone gave me, it means i need to cry over something substantial...and i always find reason.
I forever ponder the word purpose. What is its purpose? Why must we all feel ill-content if we have none, and how do you know you have any. For me, right now, purpose is money. Purpose is something to do, forcebly a reason to be around people. Im losing all my social skills because im avoiding them, and then i bitch and moan about being alone....
Ahh. I feel better already, talking to no one. I WILL find a good job. I WILL have a very merry holiday. I WILL be able to have presents for my family.
That sounds more like it...
I forever ponder the word purpose. What is its purpose? Why must we all feel ill-content if we have none, and how do you know you have any. For me, right now, purpose is money. Purpose is something to do, forcebly a reason to be around people. Im losing all my social skills because im avoiding them, and then i bitch and moan about being alone....
Ahh. I feel better already, talking to no one. I WILL find a good job. I WILL have a very merry holiday. I WILL be able to have presents for my family.
That sounds more like it...