leave me alone, wait they all did already
ive been discovered by my sponsor that i havent been staying clean. this wouldnt be that critical despite the fact im 5 months pregnant and knew how ashamed id be if anyone found out. its probably better that i endure this horrible admittance so i can do something about it. i dont know how bad my drug use has affected my baby and fear to find out. how selfish am i being? i dont deserve this fucked up situation ive put myself in and he definately doesnt deserve to be fucked up before even being born. i keep making mistakes one after another without notice until its too late. i cant allow a permanent risk such as deforming my own child. what a bitch, im so disappointed with me and my choices. im alone yeah, but i shouldnt be using it as an excuse to suffer any further. ive always been good on my own and can get through this. also to update my current interest has decided to flee, stating he really wants to be on his own and just be friends. i was sure thats all we were anyway but now it has decreased a notch obviously and i feel how i always feel, rejected and abandoned. its because im pregnant right, and no one wants to be apart of it with me. just how am i going to make it through the next 4 months without the presence of a supportive significant other and be sober. thats why im high all the time, so i forget how lonley i am. ahh how sad im lonely. whats new.