The butcher, the baker..or the candlestick maker?
All over again, my brain is muddled up about my college course and career choice.
When I was younger, I dreamt of becoming a lawyer, not quite aware of what the job demanded. It seemed rather interesting, pretty prestigious and glamourous. Then I moved on to a dream that lasted the longest- architecture. Noble. Plus it seemed as if I could make it good due to my enthusiasm then.
In Forms Four and Five, my final two years of school, I was continuously questioned and interviewed about my plans for college, university and henceforth. Along the way, noone really fuelled either of my ambitions. Instead, more ideas were contributed to the hodgepodge: dentistry, medicine, business, chemical engineering. My counsellor was confident I'd do well even in mass communications (a big no-no for me). The tally rose to five. Confused I was at the IDP Education Australia Exhibition.
Right now, I do know I hold fort in a few subjects- English, Malay, Physics and Chemistry. The oddest combination. I do have a creative side; I enjoy debate, plays and drama. I love architecture and landscape and travel.
Where does this leave me?
At times I wish I can just wake up and play "pin the tail on the donkey". So many people have dreams but no, I can't let them live their dreams through me if it cannot bring me contentment. I am immortal and forty years down the line, I cannot look back and regret choosing a path that tripled the worry and frown lines on my face!
I need to find my calling. Something I'll have undying passion for. Something exciting that will unfailingly exhilarate me with constant challenges. It's not a game of chance in my case. I cannot afford to make an expensive, rash decision then call it a mistake. It just won't be fair to both my parents and siblings.
Indeed, my current choice to pursue the London A-Levels is a safe path before I figure out where this will lead me.
Either way, I'll still have to delve and search deep within me and answer the question, "what next?" without a doubt in my heart.
For now I'll continue to swim..in my whirpool (of disaster).
p/s: Moral was wacky but fun- who asks what festivals the Dayaks and Kadazans celebrate? Speaking of which, that invigilator I was speaking of, she's Bidayuh-Chinese married to an Indian.