Angsty rambles
Why is is that even though I'm the child who has done everything right and who has not used their emotional problems as a means to fuck up their life, I am still the child in my family that does not get any help from my parents? Furthermore, why am I the one who gets to have their credit ruined my said parents so that I may not be able to get a house one day?
I'm getting so tired of this shit and my parents are always like, 'Well you'll have to talk to your mom about it" "It's your dad's fault, talk to him."
I just want to be able to get my braces, and get my car, and pay the payments and be happy with that, but I can't because of my douchebag brothers constantly getting into problems that they need to be bailed out of. Why is it okay to support their acting like assholes but there's never enough money to help support the daughter that sometimes doesn't have enough money for rent or for food in an effort to put herself through school and try to do education abroad in the summers? I beg so many people for donations for all that shit, and if my parents just didn't support my brothers being lunatics then I'd be able to be doing what I need to for my career and then just support myself happily once I'm in a good job.
It doesn't matter how good the jobs are that my brothers get, they always lose them. They can never pay their rent, they can never do anything because they're sad. Oh boo hoo. They had hard childhoods, so sad. They act like they are entitled to the help my parents give them because they think my parents are the reason their childhood's were so bad. Well guess what, I had the same parents and I had my own set of problems that they didn't have to deal with. Add on the fact that I also had brothers who were really negative and constantly jealous of me for god knows what, and some other stuff that I'll probably never talk to anyone about, and I think that I'm really really getting the short end of the stick here.
The minute I got a job I had to start getting myself everything I needed. My parents would get me my school uniforms and underwear and I was responsible for all the other clothes I'd get. When I went to undergrad, I had to have 3 jobs to support myself doing a whole manner of all different kinds of work that has left me with pain in my body that I don't know will ever go away. I've had to move far away and work my way up here as well, and after 2 years of trying to get things going, I'm doing alright, but still can't afford to go to the dentist or to get much that I need sometimes. Some months I'll make lots of money and some I'll make very little.
I'm even embarrassed about where I've been living cause I don't have the money to get a nicer place. Sid truly doesn't care where we life, and it makes me feel so alone. He doesn't care that living with 2 middle aged men freaks me out and makes me nervous. Especially when their friends come over and think they can just come in here and chat with me and hit on me. I really hate it. I'm already terrified of men for a lot of reasons and I don't need to be living with them to make it worse.
Gah if I keep going this'll go on forever. I have to go to school and pretend everything is fine.
I'm getting so tired of this shit and my parents are always like, 'Well you'll have to talk to your mom about it" "It's your dad's fault, talk to him."
I just want to be able to get my braces, and get my car, and pay the payments and be happy with that, but I can't because of my douchebag brothers constantly getting into problems that they need to be bailed out of. Why is it okay to support their acting like assholes but there's never enough money to help support the daughter that sometimes doesn't have enough money for rent or for food in an effort to put herself through school and try to do education abroad in the summers? I beg so many people for donations for all that shit, and if my parents just didn't support my brothers being lunatics then I'd be able to be doing what I need to for my career and then just support myself happily once I'm in a good job.
It doesn't matter how good the jobs are that my brothers get, they always lose them. They can never pay their rent, they can never do anything because they're sad. Oh boo hoo. They had hard childhoods, so sad. They act like they are entitled to the help my parents give them because they think my parents are the reason their childhood's were so bad. Well guess what, I had the same parents and I had my own set of problems that they didn't have to deal with. Add on the fact that I also had brothers who were really negative and constantly jealous of me for god knows what, and some other stuff that I'll probably never talk to anyone about, and I think that I'm really really getting the short end of the stick here.
The minute I got a job I had to start getting myself everything I needed. My parents would get me my school uniforms and underwear and I was responsible for all the other clothes I'd get. When I went to undergrad, I had to have 3 jobs to support myself doing a whole manner of all different kinds of work that has left me with pain in my body that I don't know will ever go away. I've had to move far away and work my way up here as well, and after 2 years of trying to get things going, I'm doing alright, but still can't afford to go to the dentist or to get much that I need sometimes. Some months I'll make lots of money and some I'll make very little.
I'm even embarrassed about where I've been living cause I don't have the money to get a nicer place. Sid truly doesn't care where we life, and it makes me feel so alone. He doesn't care that living with 2 middle aged men freaks me out and makes me nervous. Especially when their friends come over and think they can just come in here and chat with me and hit on me. I really hate it. I'm already terrified of men for a lot of reasons and I don't need to be living with them to make it worse.
Gah if I keep going this'll go on forever. I have to go to school and pretend everything is fine.