(no subject)
I woke up this morning wondering what other people lives would be like if i had never been born. I know that is a strange thought but i cant seem to figure out if i have ever had a purpose. I honestly dont belive i have ever meant so much to someone that w/o me they would be different. i have never made impact on someones life. Its realy kind of sad, i want to love on people i want to be the person thats there to listen when they are not ok, i want to be a best friend to so many people. These are things i would love to be, but im not. I have not meant anything to anyone. Im finaly noticing what the world sees when they see me. They see the fat guy, they see the guy who deserves to have nothing cuz hes never kept himself in shape. Well im tired of people seeing me that way, im tired of pain, im tired of hurt, i am feeling better, yet im still so very afraid to open up to people. I have never been hurt as much as i have been hurt this year. i honestly cant do this anymore, i just wish there was one person in the world, 1 person, who could change my life, make me whole again, make me not notice the bad, but only see the good. I give up, this may sound depressing but im not depressed im just alone, and i feel like thats all im ever meant to be.