Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here (bohemian rhapsody you are my favorite)
so today i found out that i got the highest grade in my class on the math final. me, caitlyn, got 76 questions out of 78 correct on her geometry final. i am so happy yet for some reason i could be more proud. whatever, schools over and im gonna live it up.
so yeah, my dad has been an absolute bitch to me recently (when hasn't he, you ask? not the point) and i just cant take it. after my what you could call breakdown on monday i tried my best to stay in a good mood on tuesday and i think i pretty much succeeded. but i cant live in this house anymore. honestly, i cant. its so hard not to be down when i'm here. i need to find my home. this house is constantly at war and im angry with myself that i cant get over the fact of my jealousy for lauren. yeah, he life was hard but she got out. though she got abused. (but we all know i've said more than once that id love for some physical pain. at least then i'd really have something to be emo about). and i'm jealous of barbara too. the one who was always my fathers favorite. the one who wasn't the brightest but made it up in looks. the one who is still naive and loves and defends my father like a daughter should.
"You will always be better than your black sister but not good enough for me."
"Why can't you just loose some weight? You're fat AND you have no job."
"If I had my way you would be put up for adoption! But that's no use, no one would want you! Why don't you go live with your girlfriend and her faggot parents!"
i just totally flipped out. id rather not repeat what i said to him other than the fact that if i still believed in God i would be praying for Him to get me out of here. for Him to take me away from this place. my mom hates my father yet still wasn't too pleased to hear that.
so yeah, my dad has been an absolute bitch to me recently (when hasn't he, you ask? not the point) and i just cant take it. after my what you could call breakdown on monday i tried my best to stay in a good mood on tuesday and i think i pretty much succeeded. but i cant live in this house anymore. honestly, i cant. its so hard not to be down when i'm here. i need to find my home. this house is constantly at war and im angry with myself that i cant get over the fact of my jealousy for lauren. yeah, he life was hard but she got out. though she got abused. (but we all know i've said more than once that id love for some physical pain. at least then i'd really have something to be emo about). and i'm jealous of barbara too. the one who was always my fathers favorite. the one who wasn't the brightest but made it up in looks. the one who is still naive and loves and defends my father like a daughter should.
"You will always be better than your black sister but not good enough for me."
"Why can't you just loose some weight? You're fat AND you have no job."
"If I had my way you would be put up for adoption! But that's no use, no one would want you! Why don't you go live with your girlfriend and her faggot parents!"
i just totally flipped out. id rather not repeat what i said to him other than the fact that if i still believed in God i would be praying for Him to get me out of here. for Him to take me away from this place. my mom hates my father yet still wasn't too pleased to hear that.