even if it kills.
just because we're abandoned, doesn't mean we're alone.
if i could just be totally and completely happy for entire day i think it would be miracle. and i dont believe in miracles. so mostly likely, if i was really ever that happy, it would kill me.
i had a pretty shitty day today. i was already kind of off this morning because of dreams last night but drama with my friend didnt exactly help any. and i didnt talk to kt at all today. hugs from elijah helped, along with talking to emma, even if it for just a second.
it wasnt too long ago when i didnt trust anyone. it got in the way so much that i basically stopped talking to people in general. i thought i had moved passed all that and was able to build some solid friendships. i can say with all honesty that i care about all of my friends (obviously, otherwise i wouldnt be friends with them). but right now i dont feel like i have any friends, other than kt. i need to figure out what the fuck is going on. i mean, id usually blame it on myself, what am I doing wrong, but no. this time i didnt fucking do anything so i dont see why im being treated like shit. this is why i didnt get close to anyone before, i knew id get attached. i cant stand to feel like this all of the time.
emma, i think you had the right idea.
lauren just left but i got a hug from her, and eric so i think im a little better now.
Edit: and me and soph were just talking about how i should make a post about what actually makes me happy. mainly for me, but for my friends on el jay too. i actually arent this emo all the time and i dont want you to think that im completely miserable. im really sorry if you think that.
if i could just be totally and completely happy for entire day i think it would be miracle. and i dont believe in miracles. so mostly likely, if i was really ever that happy, it would kill me.
i had a pretty shitty day today. i was already kind of off this morning because of dreams last night but drama with my friend didnt exactly help any. and i didnt talk to kt at all today. hugs from elijah helped, along with talking to emma, even if it for just a second.
it wasnt too long ago when i didnt trust anyone. it got in the way so much that i basically stopped talking to people in general. i thought i had moved passed all that and was able to build some solid friendships. i can say with all honesty that i care about all of my friends (obviously, otherwise i wouldnt be friends with them). but right now i dont feel like i have any friends, other than kt. i need to figure out what the fuck is going on. i mean, id usually blame it on myself, what am I doing wrong, but no. this time i didnt fucking do anything so i dont see why im being treated like shit. this is why i didnt get close to anyone before, i knew id get attached. i cant stand to feel like this all of the time.
emma, i think you had the right idea.
lauren just left but i got a hug from her, and eric so i think im a little better now.
Edit: and me and soph were just talking about how i should make a post about what actually makes me happy. mainly for me, but for my friends on el jay too. i actually arent this emo all the time and i dont want you to think that im completely miserable. im really sorry if you think that.