"Seriously, it reminds me of something a friend told me in 2003 that I quote (probably too) much: 'Part of being who you are is changing. One cliche that irks me to the core is 'Stay yourself, don't change!' If I am to be me I must change.... So [], 'Be true to yourself and change!!' That is what I say. Being true to yourself is allowing yourself ( Read more... )

"I learned the difference between problems and dilemmas last week. Problems have solutions. Dilemmas incorporate belief statements that are at odds. As such, dilemmas can only be managed, not solved.

Good luck with your dilemma. Neither of you are right or wrong - just learning to deal with what your beliefs are, and how to have them dance with each ( Read more... )

When someone else's defenses are up, or they are in pain, or they try to hide something that they're not ready to show, I'm the first to say "I see what you're hiding. It doesn't make sense to hide it because I see incisively through your defenses." I blurt it out even when they're not ready for someone else to see or at least acknowledge what they ( Read more... )

"The biggest point to me, though, is the understanding if I make a choice that seems to put me into a bad situation, it is because making that choice was feeding into ANOTHER belief I had, one that may have been totally unconscious, yet strong. When I understand that, I forgive myself for my past behavior and don't live surrounded in guilt."

[...]

" ( Read more... )

Sometimes I make everything more complicated than it should be, and I try to control the situation so much that I can never properly perceive it. Any change to the equilibrium automatically distorts the surrounding vectors. Maybe the only way to truly perceive the situation is to try it, risk it, and hold on for dear life in the process.

Sometimes we have to do things to other people that hurt them. When I say "I'll never hurt you" I don't really mean it literally, I mean, "I'll make sure I don't hurt you in the long-run." Telling him I just want to be friends hurt him, and he put back all of his defenses again, but I did it so that we both have time to learn about each other as ( Read more... )

Sometimes the self moulds to a certain situation, environment, or individual in a repetitive, sticky way. I haven't been able to be "myself" because my old self from two years ago keeps sticking to him. Then he blames the old self, which is not my new self, because that's what he knows and that's what I got stuck into again. I'm not that person ( Read more... )

Hurting him because I perceived he intentionally hurt me first was not correct. I have hurt him several times, and each time he never hurts me back unless I push him way beyond reasonable boundaries, and the hurt he does inflict is never direct but rather self-protectionary. This is not war---it's not eye-for-an-eye: that's not justifiable. "He ( Read more... )

I did my yearly birthday tradition a day early, today. The sunset over Lake Calhoun was excruciatingly beautiful. And I do mean excruciatingly when I say it. I cried more than I have in a long time. Not out of sadness, but out of pure release, intake, and connection with a lot of memories and experiences past, but also an extreme connection with my ( Read more... )