Dear Internet, here is my life today:
What I've learned about myself this weekend:
I suck at being alone. There were things I needed to sit with, think on, dwell some good dwelling on and very deliberately not be with other people so I could feel these feelings and think these thoughts.
I ended up breaking all my plans for yesterday but still spending time with people. Today, there was one thing I could not break plans for and it would have taken but two hours before I could reasonably excuse myself. Only, I then went and spent more time with people. I got home, spent an hour alone, went and saw people and made plans to see them again next weekend.
Total fail. Plus, when I was home yesterday, I was online and watching some DVDs. Not with people but still failing at things like feeling and thinking.
Oi. So I work tomorrow through Wednesday and then have a week off. Which, dear thieves-reading-the-internet, I will be spending at home. 60-90 minutes of working out, a long shower, and then for reals, I am going to deal with these things. This time I mean it!
The exercising thing
The daily yoga thing is not really all that daily but totally should be. I definitely like my life So Much Better when I do it. I'd probably feel less inflexible, which is part of why its hard to get myself on the mat daily, if I did.
With the treadmill, it is still my OTL however, my ex is determined to come between us. I can't use it at will, he doesn't want me to have a key or leave his house unlocked until I wake up in the morning and go over. He says that I can use it on weekends. Frustration level is pretty high right here.
With P90X, my ex failed at making me DVDs. The guy I never actually dated said that he would make me DVDs too, only it turned out that he needed sex in exchange for them and that's just not my style. One of my coworkers had it, said I could borrow it, but the coworker to whom she originally lent it said that she thought it would be "too much" for me as it was too much for her. And then she left town for a week. So, after cursing everyone to every hell, I got my own off craigslist for 50% of retail. :P
This is the workout I'll be starting on my staycation, so that if it does kill me at least I'll have a week to somewhat adjust before I have to actually work on people while in severe muscle recovery mode.
Here's some motivation for me to refer later this week:
The dating thing:
I have again reached that point where I am more curious what bullshit a guy will pull next than excited to meet someone new. So. I am stepping that down until the jadedness fades.
Well, really, the jadedness is really more like this:
The project thing:
There are a dozen things that I am working on, or meaning to work on. This is how I feel about them all right now at wherever I am with any of them:
The house thing:
I'm still in love with my house. Unforch, there's not a clip on YouTube that shows the HomeGoods commercial wherein a woman peeks in a door, closes it and then opens it wide and with a broad grin says, "hi home, I'm home!" That's how I feel when I walk in here, though, in case you're like my ex and think I really do this, let me reassure you, that I don't actually say that (Not outloud anyway. ;)).
I have yet to unpack my blender and still lack a corkscrew, but I do have a DVD player so I am finally getting to watch Angel, I am maybe halfway through the first season. Really need to stop watching it before bed. It should really be a during the day kind of thing.
Just tonight I got my side tables and coffee table. Most things passed along that I didn't pay for. And I'm totally not just saying that for the sake of Internet thieves!
Grand total:
I need to spend less time on the Internet. It's simply too much of a distraction. Especially during my work week when I need more sleep, less reading material. So my new thought is to save the internet for my days off. I lost my iPhone charger a few weeks ago so I am limited on how much email/Facebook/Twitter checking I can do at work but that's going to be my only choice for awhile. I'll probably post Thursday simply out of withdrawl. ;) But also to share how I survived the too hard P90X day one. :P
I suck at being alone. There were things I needed to sit with, think on, dwell some good dwelling on and very deliberately not be with other people so I could feel these feelings and think these thoughts.
I ended up breaking all my plans for yesterday but still spending time with people. Today, there was one thing I could not break plans for and it would have taken but two hours before I could reasonably excuse myself. Only, I then went and spent more time with people. I got home, spent an hour alone, went and saw people and made plans to see them again next weekend.
Total fail. Plus, when I was home yesterday, I was online and watching some DVDs. Not with people but still failing at things like feeling and thinking.
Oi. So I work tomorrow through Wednesday and then have a week off. Which, dear thieves-reading-the-internet, I will be spending at home. 60-90 minutes of working out, a long shower, and then for reals, I am going to deal with these things. This time I mean it!
The exercising thing
The daily yoga thing is not really all that daily but totally should be. I definitely like my life So Much Better when I do it. I'd probably feel less inflexible, which is part of why its hard to get myself on the mat daily, if I did.
With the treadmill, it is still my OTL however, my ex is determined to come between us. I can't use it at will, he doesn't want me to have a key or leave his house unlocked until I wake up in the morning and go over. He says that I can use it on weekends. Frustration level is pretty high right here.
With P90X, my ex failed at making me DVDs. The guy I never actually dated said that he would make me DVDs too, only it turned out that he needed sex in exchange for them and that's just not my style. One of my coworkers had it, said I could borrow it, but the coworker to whom she originally lent it said that she thought it would be "too much" for me as it was too much for her. And then she left town for a week. So, after cursing everyone to every hell, I got my own off craigslist for 50% of retail. :P
This is the workout I'll be starting on my staycation, so that if it does kill me at least I'll have a week to somewhat adjust before I have to actually work on people while in severe muscle recovery mode.
Here's some motivation for me to refer later this week:
Click to viewThe dating thing:
I have again reached that point where I am more curious what bullshit a guy will pull next than excited to meet someone new. So. I am stepping that down until the jadedness fades.
Well, really, the jadedness is really more like this:
The project thing:
There are a dozen things that I am working on, or meaning to work on. This is how I feel about them all right now at wherever I am with any of them:
The house thing:
I'm still in love with my house. Unforch, there's not a clip on YouTube that shows the HomeGoods commercial wherein a woman peeks in a door, closes it and then opens it wide and with a broad grin says, "hi home, I'm home!" That's how I feel when I walk in here, though, in case you're like my ex and think I really do this, let me reassure you, that I don't actually say that (Not outloud anyway. ;)).
I have yet to unpack my blender and still lack a corkscrew, but I do have a DVD player so I am finally getting to watch Angel, I am maybe halfway through the first season. Really need to stop watching it before bed. It should really be a during the day kind of thing.
Just tonight I got my side tables and coffee table. Most things passed along that I didn't pay for. And I'm totally not just saying that for the sake of Internet thieves!
Grand total:
I need to spend less time on the Internet. It's simply too much of a distraction. Especially during my work week when I need more sleep, less reading material. So my new thought is to save the internet for my days off. I lost my iPhone charger a few weeks ago so I am limited on how much email/Facebook/Twitter checking I can do at work but that's going to be my only choice for awhile. I'll probably post Thursday simply out of withdrawl. ;) But also to share how I survived the too hard P90X day one. :P