[fic] The Plan, The Execution, and The Aftermath; Part One: Condors. [Hesper?]
We've established that I'm a crazy person, right? Ok.
Title: The Plan, The Execution, and The Aftermath.
Author: serious_chizz (me, Ruby!)
Rating: R. Because Jasper says fuck a lot. And, um, other things.
Pairings: It looks like it'll be Hesper, doesn't it?
Summary: Jasper is a very straight teenage boy. Who happens to have majorly inappropriate feelings for his very male cousin. Don't worry, though - Jasper has a plan.
Warnings: Lots of language? Possibility of a not-so-happy ending? Things?
Disclaimer: Even though this is totally fucking canon, I don't own Unnatural History. Wish I did.
Shout-out: To kathrynew30 , who read this first and told me it didn't suck.
Note: The footnotes are part of the story itself, not author notes stuck in there. Work in progress.
Part One: Condors.
Jasper is fully aware that life isn't fair. He realizes that he shouldn't complain about how Justin Bieber stole his haircut, or about how kids at school always laugh at his pathetic excuse for a car, or about how he only really has two friends, or about how Maggie just doesn't like him in any important way. These things are normal teenage fare - well, most guys don't have Canadian pop-tarts steal their look, or drive Smarts, but for the most part - they aren't big deals.
There is one thing, though, that Jasper is pretty sure is a big fucking deal. He is entirely positive that very straight teenage boys should not be turned on by their very male, very related-by-blood first cousins. (Jasper isn't sure that there are degrees of blood relation in regards to first cousins. His mind goes off on tangents when he thinks of his attraction to Henry, in a feeble attempt to center himself.)
He can't talk to anyone about it. There is absolutely no one in the world who he can tell this information to (it kind of makes him feel like a spy, but it mainly makes him feel like a sick, sick bastard).
So, being the very straight teenage boy he is, he does the only logical thing.
He writes about it in his diary.
November 9th.
Fuck. I'm twisted. I have some mental deformity. I am an idiot savant. Either that or a serial killer in the making.
I mean - he's my cousin. What the hell?
I really just don't understand it. I've never felt this way about a guy before - I've liked girls, like Maggie, but not this much. Maybe I never really liked Maggie, and I'm just using her as a cover for my closeted homosexuality. Or bisexuality. Or...shit, I'm not up-to-date on all these labels.
Fuck. I'm twisted. I'm doubly twisted, and I just thought of something. A way to see exactly how twisted I really am. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It'll be a test. Jasper feels sick at the idea of actually executing it, but the act of planning it out calms him. Well...maybe not calms him, makes him feel less...insane. (Although really, the plan itself is rather insane, and he's likely to be perceived as completely batshit if it comes to fruition; but he tries not to dwell on that.)
He covertly shifts to a new sheet of notebook paper in Professor Morneau's class, able to hide it from both Morneau and Maggie. (A few weeks after Henry moved in, the cousins had been banished to the back of the classroom, away from "the people who are actually capable of sitting through a lecture without causing an uproar, or sneezing" as the professor put it. While Jasper is the first to point out that his cousin was to credit for any attempt at uproar, he does take full responsibility for the sneezing.)
Over-reaching Plot Arc, he writes, in his most intentionally indecipherable handwriting to date. Make heterosexuality apparent by actually having sex with a real girl. He squints at the words, crosses out sex and writes above it a relationship.
Step 1.)
Find suitable girl.
His first thought is of Maggie, who is now sitting several rows in front of him, her head tilted and resting on her fist. Her other hand, gripping a pen, is flitting rapidly across the page in front of her, writing down everything their professor says. From the back, her hair looks out-of-place. Jasper reminds himself that she doesn't like him. He makes note,
M is Target One. Because of her disinterest, she is the backup plan.
Doing a quick once-over of the students (and letting his eyes linger on Henry for quite a bit too long), Jasper sees a relatively new girl, whose name he cannot recall. He can see her profile clearly; she has a face that is altogether forgettable, save for a longish nose. The girl sitting beside her whispers something to her, and they both giggle. (Jasper is pretty sure this should make him feel something. He doesn't know what, though, so settles on "a little ashamed" and looks back down at his paper.)
What's-Her-Name will probably work. We'll call her Target Two. However, we really need to find out her actual name. Because referring to her as What's-Her-Name is just pathetic.
"What is that?" Henry asks, in what is not a whisper at all.
"Nothing," Jasper whispers frantically, shutting his notebook with a quick, noiseless snap.
"No, it's something. What is it?" Henry reaches across Jasper to open it again.* Henry is determined to find out what was on the paper, and they're almost wrestling over the flimsy notebook.
"It's-just-nothing-ok!" The words come out louder than they were meant to, and they attract attention from several other students. Jasper looks up at the class and grins nervously; Henry takes the chance to snag the book and open it to the page his cousin had just been writing on.
Henry glances at it. Then squints at it. Then raises his eyebrows into his ever-growing hair and asks something along the lines of "Is this...in English?" with his expression alone. (Jasper never thought he'd ever be this thankful for his horrible handwriting.)
Jasper sighs, relieved. He shakes his head at Henry and faces forward, pretending to listen to the lecture. (It might be about condors. Jasper thinks condors are pretty neat.)**
___________________
*Jasper would like to mention that the contact makes him very uncomfortable.
**It wasn't about condors.
---------
Now that that's posted... -goes back into cave to work on fanmix-
Title: The Plan, The Execution, and The Aftermath.
Author: serious_chizz (me, Ruby!)
Rating: R. Because Jasper says fuck a lot. And, um, other things.
Pairings: It looks like it'll be Hesper, doesn't it?
Summary: Jasper is a very straight teenage boy. Who happens to have majorly inappropriate feelings for his very male cousin. Don't worry, though - Jasper has a plan.
Warnings: Lots of language? Possibility of a not-so-happy ending? Things?
Disclaimer: Even though this is totally fucking canon, I don't own Unnatural History. Wish I did.
Shout-out: To kathrynew30 , who read this first and told me it didn't suck.
Note: The footnotes are part of the story itself, not author notes stuck in there. Work in progress.
Part One: Condors.
Jasper is fully aware that life isn't fair. He realizes that he shouldn't complain about how Justin Bieber stole his haircut, or about how kids at school always laugh at his pathetic excuse for a car, or about how he only really has two friends, or about how Maggie just doesn't like him in any important way. These things are normal teenage fare - well, most guys don't have Canadian pop-tarts steal their look, or drive Smarts, but for the most part - they aren't big deals.
There is one thing, though, that Jasper is pretty sure is a big fucking deal. He is entirely positive that very straight teenage boys should not be turned on by their very male, very related-by-blood first cousins. (Jasper isn't sure that there are degrees of blood relation in regards to first cousins. His mind goes off on tangents when he thinks of his attraction to Henry, in a feeble attempt to center himself.)
He can't talk to anyone about it. There is absolutely no one in the world who he can tell this information to (it kind of makes him feel like a spy, but it mainly makes him feel like a sick, sick bastard).
So, being the very straight teenage boy he is, he does the only logical thing.
He writes about it in his diary.
November 9th.
Fuck. I'm twisted. I have some mental deformity. I am an idiot savant. Either that or a serial killer in the making.
I mean - he's my cousin. What the hell?
I really just don't understand it. I've never felt this way about a guy before - I've liked girls, like Maggie, but not this much. Maybe I never really liked Maggie, and I'm just using her as a cover for my closeted homosexuality. Or bisexuality. Or...shit, I'm not up-to-date on all these labels.
Fuck. I'm twisted. I'm doubly twisted, and I just thought of something. A way to see exactly how twisted I really am. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It'll be a test. Jasper feels sick at the idea of actually executing it, but the act of planning it out calms him. Well...maybe not calms him, makes him feel less...insane. (Although really, the plan itself is rather insane, and he's likely to be perceived as completely batshit if it comes to fruition; but he tries not to dwell on that.)
He covertly shifts to a new sheet of notebook paper in Professor Morneau's class, able to hide it from both Morneau and Maggie. (A few weeks after Henry moved in, the cousins had been banished to the back of the classroom, away from "the people who are actually capable of sitting through a lecture without causing an uproar, or sneezing" as the professor put it. While Jasper is the first to point out that his cousin was to credit for any attempt at uproar, he does take full responsibility for the sneezing.)
Over-reaching Plot Arc, he writes, in his most intentionally indecipherable handwriting to date. Make heterosexuality apparent by actually having sex with a real girl. He squints at the words, crosses out sex and writes above it a relationship.
Step 1.)
Find suitable girl.
His first thought is of Maggie, who is now sitting several rows in front of him, her head tilted and resting on her fist. Her other hand, gripping a pen, is flitting rapidly across the page in front of her, writing down everything their professor says. From the back, her hair looks out-of-place. Jasper reminds himself that she doesn't like him. He makes note,
M is Target One. Because of her disinterest, she is the backup plan.
Doing a quick once-over of the students (and letting his eyes linger on Henry for quite a bit too long), Jasper sees a relatively new girl, whose name he cannot recall. He can see her profile clearly; she has a face that is altogether forgettable, save for a longish nose. The girl sitting beside her whispers something to her, and they both giggle. (Jasper is pretty sure this should make him feel something. He doesn't know what, though, so settles on "a little ashamed" and looks back down at his paper.)
What's-Her-Name will probably work. We'll call her Target Two. However, we really need to find out her actual name. Because referring to her as What's-Her-Name is just pathetic.
"What is that?" Henry asks, in what is not a whisper at all.
"Nothing," Jasper whispers frantically, shutting his notebook with a quick, noiseless snap.
"No, it's something. What is it?" Henry reaches across Jasper to open it again.* Henry is determined to find out what was on the paper, and they're almost wrestling over the flimsy notebook.
"It's-just-nothing-ok!" The words come out louder than they were meant to, and they attract attention from several other students. Jasper looks up at the class and grins nervously; Henry takes the chance to snag the book and open it to the page his cousin had just been writing on.
Henry glances at it. Then squints at it. Then raises his eyebrows into his ever-growing hair and asks something along the lines of "Is this...in English?" with his expression alone. (Jasper never thought he'd ever be this thankful for his horrible handwriting.)
Jasper sighs, relieved. He shakes his head at Henry and faces forward, pretending to listen to the lecture. (It might be about condors. Jasper thinks condors are pretty neat.)**
___________________
*Jasper would like to mention that the contact makes him very uncomfortable.
**It wasn't about condors.
---------
Now that that's posted... -goes back into cave to work on fanmix-