Emotional Twister
Opening closed doors that were meant to remain closed is not of my interest. Leaving my past behind is much more difficult then just simply acknowledging it today. I have done the work to face my abandonment, and my fear of rejection, I just can not seem to let it go now. It remains a jester circling around in my mind constantly reminding me, with piercing jabs of hurtful words, scenes, fights, and hopeless emotion. My life and my regrets play like short painful films in the back of my mind, leaving me worthless and shameful. Yesterday is much more difficult to forget when yesterday remains today. If only I could hide from the phone call, the sisters' pleas of outreach for him I could walk away with one hopeless shred of integrity. I only bow my head now raising my fists in anger. I imagine my blood seeping from my skin fearing that seams of resentment will appear across my wrists. Surrounding myself with people is smart, being alone is a scary place for me right now. I will not give up.